Regardless of your thoughts on WCW's new direction, I have a feeling at the Mayhem ppv this Sunday we'll see more of the same as they continue to borrow (or steal, depending on your view) from the WWF. My predictions for the card follow.

Bret Hart v. Sting, tournament semifinal
Here are two of the best guys in the business at getting over without having to resort to lots of swearing. So Russo and Ferrara probably wish they could book them both to lose. Bret's gonna win, because this show, much like all of WCW lately, will be designed to serve one purpose: mocking the WWF. Bret's goin' to the finals.

Chris Benoit v. Jeff Jarrett, tournament semifinal
A lot of people like Benoit in this one because it would set up a great wrestling match in the finals. People, here's my big secret to calling ppv's: you have to think like the bookers. Benoit got over on his sheer talent, work ethic, and wrestling ability. Jarrett got over when he started beating women. This one's no contest. It's all Jarrett. The question is, will they make Benoit wrestle in drag?

Buff Bagwell v. Curt Hennig
I guess the deal is the loser retires. But booking someone into retirement is a lame angle anyway. I guess that's why they're giving us this one at Mayhem. There's nothing like paying 30 bucks to watch gimmick matches the company's own announcer has referred to as "lame." Oh, and I think Bagwell will win, because when Russo and Ferrara bring back a faction of Hogan, Savage, and Piper (and you know they will), Hennig will fit in nicely as a disgruntled WCW employee who had his glory days in the 80s WWF.

Konnan, Kidman, Torrie v. Malenko, Saturn, Asya
I just realized there is not one legitimately Latino person on the entire card. But there ARE three women! With Chyna holding the IC title, I see this show somehow ending with Asya holding the WCW world title just to spite the WWF. And Torrie will come out wearing body paint instead of clothes, which incidentally will be a big help when Asya tries to pin her and can't hook the tights. Instead, Konnan and Kidman (Who may or may not be tag champs. I've plum forgotten.) will get the upper hand. After Malenko and Saturn poke eyes, kick groins, and generally cheat the entire match, Kidman will roll up Dean and put his feet on the ropes for leverage, getting the pin. Then the Filthy Animals will steal from Saturn and beat up Asya. Faces? Heels? Who needs 'em?

Norman Smiley v. Brian Knobs
I think this is all the proof we need that Russo and Ferrara don't like us. Or at least they certainly don't like Norman Smiley, wasting him in hardcore matches. They tried to ruin Al Snow this way too, you know. Which means, if I know Russo like I think I do, the Screamin' Norman Smiley action figure with bloody fetus and cocker spaniel roadkill accessories can't be far behind. Something tells me we should expect Lenny and Lodi to emerge in this match as the Kings of Tag Team Hardcore. (Hey! I just got the joke there. That wasn't even on purpose!) Anyway Norman will join the First Family, and feud with the "brothers."

David Flair v. Kimberly
The only thing I can come up with for this one is that Jarrett, in a fit of jealousy, attacks Flair for stealing his gimmick. Of course if there were any justice in pro wrestling (THAT'LL be a cold day in hell, eh?), the match would go like this: Right hands by Kimberly, Flair grins like a maniac, Flair hits her with the crowbar, the ref DQ's Flair, all parties involved immediately retreat backstage and write public apologies for being involved with this.

Rick Steiner v. Scott Hall
It's title for title. I don't know what that means. Literally speaking, it means the winner will have two belts, I do know that. Which can only set up another 64-person tournament (Actually, 63. Madusa wrestles twice.), to begin immediately upon the conclusion of the current one, to crown a new tv champ. On second thought, forget the world title. I pick Asya to win the tv title. Oh, and I pick Scott Hall to win this match. But not without a beating from Scott Steiner.

Total Package v. Meng
This match doesn't really lend itself to anything funny. Unless... nah, it's too farfetched. Well, maybe. I guess Liz could turn on Package and join Meng. It could turn out he's just a big lovable misunderstood teddy bear. And a demon in the sack!

Disco Inferno v. Evan Karagias
The cruiserweight title is on the line and, get this, the loser owes the winner $25k. So while the Cat is injured, Disco will be playing the part of WCW Godfather. He wins the match, keeps the belt, gets a cool $25,000 from Evan and makes off with Madusa. Yeah! And as for this Tony Marinara guy asking for his two dollars, that is NOT COOL! It's a total rip-off of that movie "Better Off Dead" with the paperboy asking for his two dollars, and my friend was gonna rip-off that movie with a paperboy character. But he changed his mind, so what do I care.

Vampiro v. Berlyn
I don't even know exactly what a chain match is, but this is one of them. My prediction for this match is that Berlyn gets the win after Vampiro knocks himself out cold for not taking the ECW offer when he had the chance.

Goldberg v. Sid
Yet another gimmick match, this one being I Quit rules. If history tells us anything, Sid would be the one to quit before anybody. Especially if there's a softball field nearby. But probably not in Montreal in November. I suppose in their attempts to make Goldberg look cunning, they could have him play the tape from two weeks ago, where Sid claimed Goldberg quit. Since it was Sid's voice, Goldberg could say Sid quit, a la Rock and Mankind.

Bret Hart v. Jeff Jarrett
Assuming my picks for the semis are accurate, this would be the finals of the title tourney. I pick this one because it has a lot of potential. My scenario is Hart locks on the Sharpshooter. Jarrett taps, and Creative Control comes out to prevent the ringing of the bell. Hart attacks and gets the better of them until Jarrett takes over and eventually gets Hart into a figure four. The bell is rung immediately. The title is presented to Jarrett. The drums fire up, the bagpipes blare, and the ever-virtuous Commissioner Piper comes out to reverse the decision. The title is awarded to Hart. The following night, Jarrett and the creative team dispute the finish. The title is held up, and a tournament begins to declare a new champion. The process starts all over again, culminating in Goldberg's title win at Starrcade. The moral here is that when a major wrestling company focuses more on belittling the opposition than putting on a good wrestling show, nobody (not Bret Hart, not Jeff Jarrett, and certainly not the fans) wins.