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BUY ONE GET ONE FREE All Hail The No Wrestling Soap Opera Wrestling
Show!
"I thought that for the last couple of weeks, we were doing too much
wrestling...We were becoming too much like a wrestling show"
Mr. V. Russo (WCW Live! 23/8/00)
I may have predicted it last week in my first column for the house of CRZ,
but even I didn't think it would happen this soon. For W.M.O.W.S. fans
(Wrestling Matches On Wrestling Shows) who still have a glimmer of hope for WCW
programming under Mr. Russo, well the No Wrestling Soap Opera Wrestling Show
will soon be upon us.
"YEAH!" I hear you all cry in anticipation. In these days of our lives it's
exactly what we've always wanted. It's going to be bold and beautiful (I'm NOT
shooting with ya. Honest!) . We get those shows in the UK now on terrestrial TV
and let me tell you all that UK soaps having nothing, and I mean nothing, on US
soaps (I'm shooting with ya this time. Honest!).
"...We were becoming too much like a wrestling show"
I still can't believe he actually said that!
And while I'm bitching about Mr. Russo and the lack of wrestling on his
shows (soon to be none), I must also bitch about the WWF. There was less than 20
minutes of wrestling on Smackdown this week. Granted, they're heading into a PPV
and the storyline stuff was really entertaining and all, but still! Less than 20
Minutes? Come on! We do not need another N.W.S.O.W.S. on our screens! Is Russo
secretly booking raw as well? Can we please see match times increase after
SummerSlam Mr. McMahon. Or should I say Russo?
Oh, and by the way, Mr. Russo let it be known on Nitro that he really
doesn't want to be on our screens as often as he is. It's just that "THEY" keep
on pulling him back in! Well I will now like to make a heart felt plea to
whomever "THEY" are and ask them very politely to STOP PULLING RUSSO BACK
IN! Thank you!
Changing the subject for a moment, but look who got beat with the ugly
stick. Whom or what am I referring to? Well, it's Nintendo's new games console,
which was unveiled this week. The demo game images look astonishing. The
controller looks um...what can I say...interesting. But, I've got to say that it is
without a shadow of a doubt the single most hideous looking games console I've
ever laid eyes upon in my life (yes worse than the US SNES design believe it or
not!). Gamecube? Maddencube more like! What the hell was Nintendo thinking?
Click here for a look at this gaming
monstrosity. Also, for a brief glimpse of the great games we could all be
playing next year click here. See what I mean though? That's
one Madden ugly bastard! I hope they redesign it for us western folk! Well at
least the games will look great!
SummerSlam is just a few days away and on paper it looks like a potential
PPV of the year (Oh crap, I've just given it the kiss of death!). Due to the
beauty of satellite/cable TV, we here in the UK get to see WWF PPV's free (well
apart from the standard subscription fee which not all of us pay *wink* No. No.
I'm watching at my mum's house. Honest! Just forget I mentioned it!). It may air
at 01:00am but that is a small price to pay for no adverts, non-edited (Bloody
Channel 4!(UK terrestrial)) coverage with the added benefit of not having to pay
$30 (about £20) to view it.
"I think you went in with unrealistic expectations sir"
These were the words my surgeon uttered after the plastic surgery only made
a slight improvement in the size of my...um...thing...you know...OH NEVER MIND!
Anyway, this quote should also apply to wrestling PPV's. For example, My
expectations for Wrestlemania 2000 and King Of The Ring 2000 were probably too
high and I came away mildly disappointed (With King Of The Ring being the
greatest let down out of the two in my opinion). When my expectations were lower
however (e.g. Backlash, Judgement Day, Fully Loaded etc.), I seemed to enjoy
those shows a great deal more than I expected. For SummerSlam, I have to admit
that I may be going in with my expectations too high again, but this time I have
a feeling that it will actually deliver.
You just get the feeling that something huge will happen in the main event
after what occurred on Smackdown, and therefore this could be a fascinating
match. Jericho/Benoit should be another classic (But can we please not have a
Backlash type finish in this match WWF bookers?!). The TLC match will be
amazing. They'll be looking to top the 3-way Wrestlemania ladder match so expect
some crazy shit to happen. Oh and by the way, what are the odds of Jeff Hardy
doing something completely sick even by his standards? Looking to the Tazz/
Lawler match, it will be interesting to see if/how the WWF puts Tazz over in
this one as Lawler is a fan favourite. As for the rest of the card? Well as long
as the top three matches deliver then I'm not really concerned, but I have a
feeling that Shane will bump like a bitch to get Blackman more over with the
fans in the Hardcore Title match. Nothing like having the bosses son as your
biggest fan eh? (Apart from CRZ of course!). In the end, as I stated before,
because of the lower expectations I have for the rest of the card, then it is
always possible that I could be really surprised and entertained by any one of
these matches. Which is always a good thing (Well maybe except for X-Pac/ Road
Dogg ("Best tag team in the WWF" you know!) and Undertaker/ Kane. Oh and not
forgetting Kat/ Terri!).
Wrestling Highlights Of The Week:
Lita: New WWF women's champion (WWF Raw)-About time it's off Steph. But get
Mona in quickly!
Stephanie (WWF Raw)-I have to say that she surprised the hell out of me!
DDT looked good to!
Mick Foley's promos (WWF Raw)-Just plain funny all show!
Edge & Christian explain the 'SWERVE' (WWF Raw)-That's how you cater to
the net Mr. Russo!
Stevie Ray (WCW Thunder)-Sorry, I just find him funny! It's not a black
thing either!
Jericho's 'Benoit's toothless head' promo (WWF Smackdown)-Very funny! His
best WWF promo yet!
X-Pac did a J.O.B. (WWF Smackdown)-It wasn't in a singles match so I have
to wonder what he was promised this time around because quite frankly THIS
SUCKA NEEDS TO KNOW!
Hardyz & Jericho vs. E & C & Benoit (WWF Smackdown) –Match of
the week! Way to short though!
Stephanie (WWF Smackdown)-Say hello to Mr. Steel Steps! Another nice
bump!
The Kiss! (WWF Smackdown)-Holy Damn!!! So you're "screwing" Steph at
SummerSlam then Kurt?
Non-Wrestling Highlights Of The Week:
Company Flow~Little Johnny From The Hospital LP- Great hip-hop instrumental
album!
Seven Samurai DVD-The original Magnificent Seven! Classic film!
Family Guy/King of The Hill-Best cartoon series' since The Simpsons!
Deux Ex (PC)-Best PC game of the year so far!
Guinness Punch-Killer concoction!
A recently discovered £4.20 ''All You Can Eat'' Chinese restaurant-Oh my
stomach!
For those folk living in the UK with satellite/cable access, check out BBC
UK Play and look for a show called 'Honky Sausage'. That's one crazy arse
show!
The Official UK Charts 2000
One new entry into the UK's official 'HeHe Chart 2000': HEHE #1
Next Weeks Column: From A Mothers Perspective
(Conversion Of A Sceptic)/ A Big Show Review (Which was meant for this column
but I was to lazy to start it. Sorry. Hold on a minute! I'm about to do a piece
on Paul 'Big Show' Wight when I suddenly become too lazy to start it!
Coincidence? I don't think so!) + How Sun Tzu's "The Art Of War" Applies To
Wrestling
Part Of The Worker Ant Uprise
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