THE GOOD, BAD AND UGLY FOR 4/24/00

Hi all. Michaelangelo here once again to run down the Monday night wrestling offerings from WCW and WWF. If you are close enough to read this, you are too close.

Yep.

A quick, but important announcement to start off. I will be taking a small sabbatical from the written column to take care of some business. It will be at least two weeks long and possibly as much as a month. It takes a huge chunk of time every week to write this sucker up. I know that I will have less time to spend on it, and would rather put it aside for a bit than do a half-assed job.

Agreed?

Anyway, there won't be a Good, Bad, and Ugly for a bit. If you suspect you might miss me, by all means deluge me with letters and notes telling me so. It just might get be back a bit quicker.

Fear not, though, you will still get a weekly dose of me through my audio show The Verbal Crossface, which is also posted right here on [slash] Wrestling. It's much easier to produce the audio show because there's very little typing involved. There will be guests, co-hosts, and some new ideas worked in throughout the summer. I know not all of you can hear it, and for that I am sorry, but I have gone almost totally non-stop for 10 months with the GBU and now it's time for me to take a small vacation.

I hope you all understand.

Anyway, there's one more to write before I hit the proverbial beach, and here it is:

The Good, Bad, and Ugly for Monday, April 24, 2000

WCW NITRO

GOOD: Sting and Vamp leading off the night. Vamp gets the better of Stinger. It's always nice to see Vamp get his lumps in.

GOOD: Funk is still walking after that botched moonsault last week.

BAD: They have Bigelow jobbing to him this week.

INTERESTING: Beyond the mat mentioned by the commentary team. About time they talked about his lifetime of injuries.

WHAT? Cat? Why did he attack Bigelow? Ugh.

BAD: The kid with the green sign behind the commentary team. Here's a tip. Write letters we can see! It looks like Morse code!

GOOD: Stiff chairshot by Hart on Hogan! OWCH!

BAD: Torrie's outfit. Very unflattering. She needs to show more skin.

GOOD: Kidman's interview. Where has this guy been all this time?

GOOD: Kimberly looking hot. 

INTERESTING: Bisch is confused about Kidman's actions. Left hand doesn't know...

GOOD: Smiley! Yeah! I hope he loses the Hardcore Title. He deserves better.

BAD: They call Arquette the star of the Warner Brothers' hit, Ready to Rumble. Er. $11 million is hardly a "hit."

OH COME ON: We all know Kimberly has divorce papers in her hand. Is that really a surprise?

OH, POSH! Bischoff has a mini mic pinned to his jacket. How cool of you, Eric.

BAD: This breakup angle. Not only is it predictable and lame, but it also tends to lead to the real thing.

OH PLEASE: If Kimberly falls out of that top, I will deem this the best Monday night show ever.

BAD: The definitive lack of chemistry between Page and Kimberly in this interview.

WORSE: DDP turns his back on Jarrett, who has been brandishing a guitar the whole segment.

BAD: Arquette jumps in the ring. Oh please. He looked awful! Watch out, David. You might actually hit him if you get closer than nine inches with those kicks.

OUCH: That "1-800-KICKYOURBUTT" line was so bad, I felt physical pain.

NO!!! Arquette versus Bischoff. Just what I love, two non-wrestlers going at it. Yikes. How often does WWF do this? Oh yeah, NEVER! 

COOL: Chronic. Call me silly, but I like these two guys. I hope they win those belts tonight...

BAD: They won't.

GOOD: Here comes Candido...yeah. Tammy is there too, but we might see some wrestling now.

BAD: So help me, if Madden uses Styles' "Catfight!" line again, I may just write a letterbomb.

GOOD: Tammy may look like a crack whore, but she still fills out that cheerleader outfit quite well.

BAD: Ugh, the women are actually wrestling.

UGLY: Tammy's thighs seem to be jiggling quite a bit. Don't even get me started on the rest of her lower body. I am normally not this critical, but when your whole gimmick is to be hot and sexy, it helps to have not cream cheeze in your butt.

BAD: This match. Holy shit is it a cluster! What a mess. Missed spots galore. Bleah.

GOOD: Sting is still good at whipping the crowd into a frenzy. 

I CAN DIG IT: Sting and Vamp in a first blood match.

BAD: Wonderful, we are to be treated to a bunch of David Arquette interviews? Isn't it bad enough, we gotta see his ass during the commercials?

BAD: They think that Arquette/Bischoff can keep people from switching to RAW? Oh good GOD.

IT'S AMAZING...how little I care about what Madden is saying. I have figured out how to train my mind to ignore the specific frequency that his big mouth broadcasts upon.

GOOD: Team Package versus Chronic.

BAD: No mic work from Flair? Bummer?

BAD: The match sucked and it was totally overbooked. Miss Hancock? Bagwell and Douglas? Bats? 

GOOD: Chronic turns on the Tag Team Champs at the end of the match. That was the only part of this segment that I could tolerate.

BAD: Vampiro's "Pain" shirt has the Pepsi logo dotting the "i". That's not so intimidating.

OOH...another mystery! Who will Hogan get as a tag team partner tonight? Oooh! I will go out on a limb and say...a certain Big Lazy.

GOOD: Okay, I liked the F.U.N.B.on Hogan's back. He has established himself firmly as an anti-hero. 

BAD: Too bad Stone Cold beat him by about 2 years.

WOW! A belly-to-back suplex by Hogan! What's the occasion?

BAD: I thought Hogan was gonna be called Terry Bollea from now on...

BAD: Dragging this match over the 9:00 hour. I guess it's better than Bischoff/Arquette.

GOOD: Hogan noticeably alters his style. Can't say I wasn't impressed, if only a little.

GOOD: Hogan gets powerbombed through a table. Wow. That was a good spot.

BAD: What is it with tables now? It seems that everyone and his brother is either going through one or putting someone through one.

WOW: Hogan gets pinned again...this time by his own legdrop. Hm. 

GOOD: Nash interferes after the match is over. That's the proper timing for a run-in.

GOOD: Nash gets laid out next to Hogan. Good booking.

HMMM: Kanyon gets a phone call when leading Arquette to the ring...I smell a screwjob.

UGH: David Arquette...wrestling...what the FUCK?

AWFUL: This is the worst match I have ever seen in my life...Arquette is worse than young David Flair ever was.

DISGUSTING: Arquette actually steals "The Worm." The move is bad enough, but when it is poorly utilized by a non-wrestler like Arquette, I just can't take it.

GOOD: Bischoff eats a nasty guitar shot there. He sells it well, too.

WHO...is the hardbody doing interviews? Yep. Russo is back.

GOOD: I like Scott Steiner. I like his women even more.

BAD: I hate his music.

GOOD: Booker looking and talking bad ass.

BAD: Booker makes a really stupid mistake and he turns his back to Steiner to grab the woman who slapped him. Now, you're just not thinking, are you Booker?

BAD: Commercial? Oh come on. That's what the old Nitro would do...

I DARE YOU: Come on Russo, give the belts to Chronic. Have them walk in to the tag team division and dominate. 

BAD: Clarke spins Russo around to give him the meltdown and looks right at Douglas who has to "duck" to avoid being seen. What a blown spot that was.

BAD: Russo and his bat cost Chronic the match...oooh...I never would have predicted that. 

BAD: Madden steals another line with his wailing of "Serenity now!" on Tanks arrival. Not an original bone in his body...

WOW: Abbott takes out WCW Live. Looks like he has officially reached Godhood in my eyes. 

NOT GREAT: The steel cage World Title match. I've seen plenty better...seemed to be too much punching in this match.

WOW: A World Title change on Nitro. Who'da thunk it?

GOOD: Sting and Vamp...there's a whole lot of energy in that ring right now.

YUK: A bloodbath on Sting...I guess he loses.

UGLY: Awfully messy beatdown on Stinger there.

OVERALL: Not a horrible show. The title change was a surprise, and the New Blood again managed to get the upper hand on most of the Millionaire's club. I can't say that I liked the whole show, though. The mixed tag was horrible and that Bischoff/Arquette match made me feel unclean. Still, the company is moving in the right direction so hopefully, things will only continue to improve from here.

WWF RAW

WHAT? Angle leads out the evening? 

GOOD: Angle actually works the word "rectum" into his interview and makes it funny. 

QUESTION: If Show and Angle are at odds, does that mean that Show is officially a face?

BAD: Has Rikishi been relegated to be a really big guy that the smaller guys can toss around to put them over? Remember when Benoit nailed a German suplex on the big assed man a few weeks back?

YEP: Show makes the final turn by handing Rikishi his dancing glasses and high-fiving the big samoan on his way out.

BAD: Did Rikishi forget that Show put his homeboy, Grandmaster Sexy, on the DL list?

BAD: Steph is still carrying the women's title around with her. Please, book that match tonight. Get that title off her.

GOOD: Steph is wearing a micro mini tonight...love those legs, Mrs. Helmsley.

GAH  GAH GAH: Trish Stratus' spot. Yowza...

GOOD: Vinnie Mac will be there tonight.

FUNNY: Shane's interview...especially when they end in an embrace. "I love you man!" HHH's crocodile tears cap it off. Ha!

BAD: Steph's interview. Is it me, or do these McMahons just love to hear themselves talk? Why do they occupy so much airtime, anyway? Why hasn't anyone questioned the fact that Vince and Co. seem to put themselves over more often than they should?

BORING: HHH's "summary" of the past week. Blah blah blah.

GOOD: Jericho comes out to make thing interesting. The main event is in your grasp, Lionheart...grab it!

GOOD: Jericho says what I am thinking. "Shut the hell up!"

GOOD: Jericho calls HHH "Trip" and asks for a rematch.

BAD: There is no way he's gonna get it.

GREAT: The exchange between HHH, Jericho, and Shane. Chris was on his game, no pun intended.

EH: Rocky and Jericho against Shane and HHH. I just can't seem to get too excited about it.

GOOD: Jericho waffling HHH with the belt at the end of the spot. What a pop!

BAD: I cannot stand Eddie and Chyna's backstage vignettes. His routine is tired, bored, and done a lot better by Cheech Marin 20 years ago.

BAD: The prom? Oh PLEASE.

GOOD: Chyna looked nice in that dress.

GOOD: Benoit versus Road Dogg. Beat his ass, Crippler.

WHAT? Did Road Dogg mention Dennis Knight in his opening interview?

QUESTION: If Edge and Christian are heels, why do they still enter through the crowd?

GOOD: Edge and Christian come down and say that if Road Dogg gets the upper hand, they will do a run-in. LOL! That may be the first time it has ever been said that way.

FUNNY: The two of them sit there and gauge when they should do it. "Should we go...no, he's okay."

GREAT: They did exactly what they said they were going to do! To top it off, we get to see Road Dogg get a flying headbutt by Benoit. 

GREATER: Tori gets a shot for her efforts. 

GOOD: The APA have yellow police tape around their wrecked office. 

FUNNY: The sequence where Angle offers his constructive criticism to the APA. Their reaction is priceless! 

BAD: The Bossman reminds us of his desecration of Show's father's grave. Ug. Like we needed to be reminded of that garbage.

GOOD: Angle's reaction to the story. Shaking his head in disbelief. So, that was why they mentioned it.

GOOD: The Hardy Boys. Sure crowd pleasers.

BAD: The Hollys. Sure crowd killers.

EXCUSE ME? The Hollys win? What the hell? Who booked that?

WOW: Matt Hardy wins the Hardcore title after his brother hits the swanton bomb? That opens up TONS of possibilities. 

BAD: More crap backstage with Chyna and Eddie. Bleah.

GLAAAAH: Trish's second vignette. *GASP* I need some ice water and a dozen eggs!

BAD: Bossman and Bull versus Show is up against the Nitro main event? Come on now!

OH YEAH: Kane will soon appear to get the crowd going and keep the fans at home from flipping.

WOW: Angle nails Show with his finisher...nicely done.

I WAS WRONG: We get the APA to make the save this time...no argument from me.

GLEARGLE! More Trish! HUBBA! I have officially changed my stance on this woman. I want more, more, more!

AH-HA! Vince comes out just as my VCR hits 10:00 p.m. There we go.

GREAT: Vince on last week's family troubles. "What the hell is going on!?!?" Ha! Good stuff.

GOOD: HHH lost his partner for tonight. I say Benoit is the new partner. Mark it down. Shall happen.

GOOD: Vince toys with us by reminding us of some of the differences between Austin and Rocky. The more he says, the happier I get. I love this shit.

BAD: SHUT UP King. Hearing you say "Mamacita" is rougher on the ears than a Sable interview.

DOLLARS TO DONUTS: Eddie and Chyna come out in one another's' clothing for their match.

UH...Al Snow and the Godfather? 

OH...It's the match of the two jobber guys who turned on those other two jobber guys. I tell you, I don't know if the tag team division will survive these splits. CAn you smell the sarcasm there?

I JUST CANNOT CARE...about this match. Sorry guys. Get it over with and get back to singles competition.

WHATEVER: The post-match activity. Godfather turns on Snow. Now, it's official. The entire roster hates Al Snow. Can we move on now?

I FUCKING HATE...those dumb ass Greyhound Bus commercials with the two assholes in the radio station. If I ever see that guy IRL, it will be all I can do to keep from shoving that yellow turban up his ass.

HEY: Old Dusty Anderson has himself a young-un. 

WOW: I am a Trish Stratus fan. Down...

GOOD: Eddie versus Val. This might just be a match worth watching. 

BAD: Remember when Val was in line for a main event push. Guess that didn't work out, did it?

GOOD: Lita nails a high cross body...looked like it hurt her too.

WOW: Val wins, which makes this a non-title match. I must have missed that during the introductions.

BAD: Another non-title match? What is this?

GOOD: It's the Dudleys versus Edge and Christian, so I won't gripe too much. 

GREAT: Damned good chance we will see Trish and her boys during this bout.

YEP: There she is in a bikini-version of the Dudleys own ring gear. Wow.

WOW: Bubba catching Edge off the top rope. Ouch! What a bump.

GLAH GLAH GLAH: Trish gyrating to distract Buh Buh Ray. Need I gurgle more?

GOOD: Decent Rocky promo. Too bad he's gonna get his ass kicked by Austin one way or another.

BAD: Why doesn't he do it in the ring?

I KNEW IT: Benoit is the partner. Didn't he just destroy Road Dogg earlier? Wouldn't that put him at odds with HHH?

SWERVE: Looks like Vince got us all by appointing Shane as the guest referee.

GOOD: Now I am into this match. Jericho and Benoit sharing the main event spotlight with the fed's two top guys? Yes siree. 

GOOD: The pace of this match. Fast. Furious. I love it.

GOOD: The ending. All the McMahons get involved. Come on, you really didn't expect Rock and Jericho to win, did you?

OVERALL: Decent show. The main event was hot, of course. The rest of the show lacked the excellent wrestling that has poked its head through the clouds lately, and that was a disappointment. However, the angles all seemed to take big strides forward towards the PPV on Sunday, so I can't really complain all that much. 

Well, that's it for the last GBU for a little while. I appreciate your patience and understanding as I struggle to maintain control of everything in my personal life. Please take the time to listen to The Verbal Crossface if you are able. I am rather proud of the way it's developing and hopefully you will come to enjoy it as much as you enjoy this column.

Questions, comments, heavy handed literary references? Write me at Michaelangelo70@hotmail.com. All letters will be answered or whittled into tiny, ornate figurines.

I am Michaelangelo and will be for a while.