THE GOOD, BAD AND UGLY FOR 4/10/00

Hey there. It's Michaelangelo here once again. Mondays come fast in this world and Monday nights come ever faster. It's time to look at Sports Entertainment's weekly (or is that weakly) offering.

The big news this week has been the promise of WCW's "New Beginning." Yes, another one. Russo and Bischoff are teaming up to start over and hopefully bring WCW back to life.

Well, as a WCW mark, I cannot help but hope they succeed. However, as a logical and intelligent human being, I know that there is precious little chance of that happening.

Sigh.

I would be lying if I didn't say I was curious about what is going to happen tonight. What can I say? I like to root for the underdog. Takes one to know one, I guess.

Over at WWF, Vince McMahon is rumored to be planning something quite big for RAW tonight in preparation for WCW's "New Beginning." Honestly, their shows have been lackluster at best lately, but why not? They have no real competition. Here's hoping Russo and Bischoff actually force Vinnie to get on the ball and give us a little effort.

Let's see.

Now then, I just want to announce that after this week, I will not be crowning any more Kings of Vague References. Don't get me wrong, the references will still be there, and I encourage you to identify them. I will tell you if you are right or wrong. I am just moving back to the way this column used to be. I hope this does not cause anyone to stop reading. I doubt it will, but you never know.

So, rather than crown one last person, let me acknowledge everyone who sent me mail this week trying to earn that throne: Shadowlongknife, Todd Thomas, Adrian Tynan, Aldo D. (from DDT Digest), Chris Johnson, and Jeff Tatarek. Special props to Kevin Nishimine, Butch Rosser, Mr. T, Depetro, and Sean Colton who have spent way too much time identifying the references over the past few months. Thanks guys! (Apparently not enough time for Shawn, or you'd have aspelled his name correctly, eh? ;-) - CRZ)

Now, on with the show(s).

The Good, Bad, and Ugly for April 10, 2000

WCW NITRO

INTERESTING: The original opening is there and we are allowed to see Fyre...A.C. Jazz is cut out, still.

BAD: Tony Schiavone is still there.

GOOD: Madden is not. 

GREAT! Scott Hudson! Yeah baby! Welcome back to Nitro, Scotty!

WOW: New set...with a huge giant-tron screen.

LOOK AT THIS: All the talent in the ring, dressed up. Well, sorta. What the hell is Knobs wearing?

HMM: Van Hammer enters with the upper midcard guys. Curiouser and curiouser.

BAD: Jarrett spews the "Chosen One" routine. 

GOOD: Jarrett shooting on the previous regime

BAD: Aw shit, Madden is there. Go fuck a tree, Mark.

BAD: They seem to be putting WAY too much stock in what Russo and Bischoff are going to do.

UGLY: Russo's lisp. I can make comments because I had one when I was younger. I got over it. Get braces Vince.

GOOD: Russo actually mentions the Radicals.

HERE WE GO: Bischoff comes out to start the angle proper.

BAD: Madden calls it "The most surreal moment in Sports Entertainment." How many fans really know what this all means? This is another "smart" angle and frankly, I am not sure it can work this way.

GOOD: It's not Bischoff versus Russo? It's Vince and Eric versus the "Good Old Boys Network."

WHAT? Bisch runs down the old talent? 

I WONDER WHY: I did not hear Flair's name there...

YOU KNOW WHAT? This ain't so bad. I like the idea of Old vs. Young. Let's see if they can actually pull this off.

GOOD: Russo runs Flair down.

INTERESTING: All titles stripped tonight. No champions. 

WOW: Bischoff sys to Sid, "What's the matter man, can't find your scissors?" It was a smark comment, but I liked it.

BAD: Too bad, 75% of the audience has no idea what he is talking about.

BAD: This segment is running way long.

GOOD: With all those guys out there, the true potential of the roster is evident. They have some great workers in WCW, even with the Radicals gone.

BAD: No Hogan, no Goldberg, no Flair, no Hall or Nash. What the hell? What has really changed here?

UGLY: Madden starts with his mouth wide open like a grouper gasping for air.

EVEN UGLIER He then has several orgasms in his pants over this segment. Too bad the crowd isn't as excited. 

WOW: DDP is wrestling tonight? I didn't think he had medical clearance. I hope he doesn't hurt himself.

FUNNY: Little things like cutting the entrance music of the "established" guys before they get in. Even going as far as to cut off Luger's spotlight. Nice touch. I am smiling.

BAD: DDP looks like is a few steps behind out there.

GOOD: Luger working the back, just like DDP apparently worked us with the severity of his injury as of late.

GOOD: Three brutal back breakers on DDP by Luger.

GOOD: Buff Daddy comes out to pick up where he left off with Kimberly...and Liz too, apparently.

GOOD: Page wins! Wow! 

COOL: Hennig versus Jarrett. I will never complain about that booking. We all know that Jarrett will win, and that sucks, but it will be a pretty bit of ringwork, I am guessing.

BAD: Abbott is still there. Will they let him take on Meng once and for all and get that shit over with?

GOOD: Abbott challenges Goldberg. That means we can see him get his ass kicked soon.

GREAT: Abbott beats up Madden! YEAH! He is now my hero!!!

UGLY: Madden's shirt is off! AIGH!

GOOD: Russo to Jarrett, "After all we've been through together, you don't trust me? What do I look like, J.J. Dillon to you?" Yikes. The scapegoat has a name-o.

BAD: Bischoff tells Hogan that what Sting said is not true...uh...didn't Bischoff just insult Hogan ON CAMERA IN FRONT OF THE WORLD? Jesus, Hulkster, are you really that stupid?

GOOD: Kidman is rather good on the stick tonight. I bet he is going to run down Hogan in response to the Thunder interview.

YEP: There he goes. 

GREAT: Kidman on Hogan, "There are two things that I have and you don't, heart and talent." Hee hee. The rest of what he said was pretty cool too.

I BET: Hogan's music does not cut out. I bet he gets it all the way to the ring.

YEP: He did. Deep down, little has changed.

WOW: Kidman punks Hogan!!! YEAH! This is AWESOME! 

AWWW: Hogan gets the upper hand.

GOOD: Bischoff destroys Hogan with the chair and Kidman gets the pin! Hogan blades! He puts over Kidman! WOW! I cannot hate this, no matter how hard I try.

GREAT: WHOOOO! Flair is there!

INTERESTING: I actually do not want to switch the channel to RAW. Can you believe that? 

COOL: A bloody, swearing, Hogan tossing shit backstage. He really does look angry. Maybe he's not such a bad actor after all.

GOOD: Whoooo! Flair is coming out! Yeah! 

GREAT: Naitch gives a classic Flair interview, turns face, establishes his position with the older guys, and runs down Russo all at the same time. Oh, Mr. Flair, you are the man! We're not worthy! We're not worthy!

COOL: Poppa Pump has new music! Yeah! He looks GOOD.

BAD...but shouldn't he be on the side of the established guys?

GOOD: Pump does a great interview of his own. The fake teeth were a VERY nice touch.

WOW! Shane Douglas is back! Surprise #1! Wow! He punks Flair! How long have we been waiting for this?

YES! Big Sexy is there!

HOLY SHIT! Brett Hart in the darkened audience! This is the best Nitro I have ever seen! GO RUSSO! GO BISCHOFF!

GOOD: Mean Gene screaming at Shane Douglas! That is so intense! Douglas is spot on with his interview.

JESUS! Everyone is so pumped! Wow! To be backstage at that show!

BAD: Sting and Sid's entrance themes both play all the way down the aisle. Why?

DECENT: This match between Sid and Sting.

BAD: Why is Sid still playing the heel? Did someone forget that he is on the same side as Stinger?

GOOD: The Wall is no longer wearing a tie. Although his current ring attire isn't that much better, at least it's different.

BAD: Weak ass chairshot on Sid. Hardly tapped him.

GOOD: He half made up for it with a chokeslam through the table.

GOOD: Tony Schiavone, "Coming up next, I have NO IDEA what is going to happen next." For once, that line actually has some meaning.

 GOOD: Flair and Douglas tonight!

GOOD: Hogan punks two of Three Count. Wow. I am actually into what Hogan is doing.

BAD: I saw Ready to Rumble. Let me say this. BLORGGGGGGHHH!

BAD: AIGH! Jason Hervey! If he gets NEAR the ring, all will have been for naught.

GOOD: No more NWO. Even Jarrett's guitars have been repainted. Well all right. 

BAD: We all know that Hennig is going to lose this match. That's the kind of thing that WCW really has to get past. We need to honestly wonder who will win each match. Hopefully that will be dealt with.

WOW: Sean Staziak! What the hell? Surprise #2!

GOOD: Staziak does Hennig's gum spit and swat thing! Ha!

BAD: Meat totally screws up the Meat Grinder...bummer, man.

GOOD: I wonder if Nash is talking to Hall. Come on, there's no way he's gonna be there is it? He just had back surgery.

GOOD: Sting's intense interview. Jeez, I have no idea who is going to win. I think Stinger...but I am not quite sure of anything anymore.

GOOD: Douglas comes out to The Revolution's old music. Cool, man!

I JUST REALIZED: It's been ages since Douglas was in the ring...

BAD: This match as a whole. It's just a bunch of punches and whips to the outside rails.

GOOD: Wow! Russo just lays out Flair! He slaps him in the face! He steals his watch! Holy shit! There's some balls there. Ha! I dig it!

GOOD: Here comes Nash. There's no way he's coming...I have a funny feeling about this spot.

FUNNY: His "traveling up and down the country with Scott Hall, I've lost a few brain cells." Ha!

WHAT? Did he just ask for The Dog?

HMMM: Will Hall be back? I guess so.

WOW: An HBK reference. Interesting.

HOLY SHIT! MIKE AWESOME! Surprise #3!

YOW! The White FUCKING HUMMER! This is entirely too much! Who's in it? It's Bischoff! It was Easy E all along! I swear to God I am laughing my ass off!

GOOD: Hogan get stretchered and painted. This is too much. Kudos, Hulk for finally putting the young talent over, at least for one night.

WOW: Great bump By DDP as Stinger shoves off the first Diamond Cutter attempt.

GOOD: Stinger and DDP are giving the fans a nice show tonight.

GREAT! Vampiro nails Stinger! Nail in the coffin! Yeah! Looks like DDP will go on to face Jarrett!

BAD: The guitar shot on Kimberly. She covered her face about five seconds early.

EH: Jarrett's final interview. We've heard this before.

GOOD: The final cluster! Yeah! This is awesome! Luger, Sting, and Page get laid out! Man! What a night!

GOOD: Former faces Vamp and Booker are on the side of the New Blood, as they should be. Good work.

WHOOO! Brett Hart! Yeah! No! Don't go off the air! AIGH!

BAD: Missing tonight: Hall, Piper, Goldberg, Savage. Bummer.

OVERALL: Holy shit! What a show! New talent! New feuds! Jarret/DDP, Hogan/Kidman, Sting/Vampiro, Wall/Sid, Bagwell/Luger, Staziak/Hennig, and Flair/Douglas. On the other hand, the whole angle is tailored for the Internet smart fan, and that isolates most of their audience. They have to build the feuds a bit more solid on television and lay off the insider references if this is really gonna work.

WWF RAW

GOOD: Rocky is out first. It's been a while since we have seen that happen.

GOOD: The Rock calling the footage of his assault on McMahon last Thursday as the boss "at his best." Hee hee.

UGH: "After all the llamas' anuses had been licked." Ew.

FUNNY: The foot on Vince's chest.

BAD: The fact that this whole angle is a copy of Vince versus Austin. Don't' forget that.

BAD: If Vince wanted Rocky out, why not just fire him for assaulting Stephanie at Wrestlemania. I am quite certain that he has the right to do it.

GOOD: Rocky demanding his title shot tonight.

BAD: No chance that is going to happen.

GOOD: Vince at his best...evil. "Crushed papaya." Sure sure.

BAD: I knew it. Not title match tonight.

GOOD: Steel cage match...but with who?

GOOD: The crowd is RABID. They can hear that "Asshole" chant in Disney World.

GOOD: Vince reminding Rocky that he "made him" a year ago. Pepper the show with truth.

GOOD: Vince saying that he could have been Doink, the Gobbeldygooker, and Bastion Booger. Great bad gimmicks brought back for one more mention.

FUNNY: Vince was just looking for a "thank you." Now this is classic McMahon.

BAD: Come on, because the Rock didn't thank Vince? That's the reason he turned on him back at Wrestlemania? Oh Pu-leaze!

BAD: What is it with Rocky and animal asses?

GOOD: Vince asks that very same question! HA!

BAD: Feshees? What the hell is that?

BAD: Get the Women's Championship OFF Stephanie, please!

GOOD: McMahon takes a man-sized bump through the ropes and comes up grimacing in pain! He is better at selling than 90% of the guys in his company.

BAD: Unfortunately, he is better at OVERselling too.

BAD: DX versus Edge and Christian. Christ, if they win the titles tonight, I will be extremely pissed off.

GOOD: What is Tori wearing...or rather, attempting to wear? Wow. HOT. Where do you buy clothes like that? Not for me! Hey! Stop looking at me like that!

GOOD: Eddie and Jericho tonight! Yeah!

EH: This match. Seems like a pastiche of both teams' most common spots.

FUCK YOU WWF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Was that necessary!?!? Having DX win the match? Give me a...

WOW: It's a Dusty finish! The match is still going on!

YEAH! X-Pac gets speared and pinned! Whew! I was really pissed there for a moment.

BAD: Godfather has only four Ho's tonight? Awww. He's slipping!

I CAN SEE IT: Terri is going to screw the Cat tonight. Hm. WWF is predictable, get it?

BAD: I hate that stupid "Pimping Ain't Easy" entrance theme for the Godfather. Just makes my head hurt.

GOOD: Angle spouting about the joys of celibacy while the Godfather is in the ring. Funny stuff. It's true, it's true.

FUNNY: He hands Godfather a rubber...and an open one at that.

GOOD: Angle wins clean again. I sense a face turn...yeah me and everyone else.

ON THE FENCE: Seems an awful lot like Eddie is doing an extended impression of Cheech Marin these days. Can't decide if I really like it.

UGLY: Must they shove the camera straight into Rikishi's butt cheeks? And McMahon says that Rocky has an anus fetish. What the fuck is this shit?

GREAT: The Radicals in action! YEAH BABY!

BAD: Eddie was not with them. It would have been cool to see the three of them with their gold. 

I WONDER: If Saturn is pissed that he holds no gold yet.

GOOD: Benoit beat Rikishi clean on Thursday. Yep. Who's the man?

GOOD: The Radicals win! Yeah! 

BAD: The ending was way too convoluted and left Tazz in there looking confused. Eh.

YEP: Terri Druged the Kat. I bet they will shave her head or something.

WHY...didn't the camera man warn Kat about the drugged soda?

HMMM: The World Title defended at the top of the first hour? What's up here?

WHAT? Taka gets a title shot? What's up with that? How in holy Hell did he get a title shot?

BAD: Is it too much to want the Acolytes to actually wrestle?

WHOOPS! HHH says "I don't give a fuck what you say!"

GOOD: The Acolytes beat on HHH, Taka nearly wins the title, Vince gets involved, a new feud between the Bossman/Bull and the Acolytes, and the match ends with a clean win by the champ. Good ending. Great match.

FUNNY: Vince slithering past the Acolytes saying, "I'm not trying to provoke you." Ha!

QUESTION: Um, if T&A are heels and they feud with the Dudleys who are also heels...who are the faces?

EVEN BIGGER QUESTION: Besides the Rock, are there really any heels at all in WWF?

WHAT THE HELL...is it with fuzzy cowboy hats? Is it really that much in style that so many wrestlers or wrestlers' valets wear them?

I DON'T CARE: T&A versus the Hardys. I just can't seem to give a shit.

BUT...this is a good match. Lots of high impact, suicide bump-type stuff going on out there.

WHAT IS THE POINT: Of creating a new tag team that just keeps losing? I am all for a decent match, but it would seem that T&A should win once in a while.

HA, NOT BAD: The booking of this feud between T&A and the Dudleys has made us all beg to see Trish go through that table. Yep. Vince is a genius.

BAD: The Big Show acting like other wrestlers is EXACTLY the same gimmick that Stevie Richards has been doing...and, in fact, wasn't Stevie pretending to be Val on Sunday night?

GOOD: Admittedly, this is all quite funny.

BAD: The match itself. To take a page from CRZ's book...well, it's a big bore.

GOOD: Gotta admit, that Latino Heat gimmick certainly has gotten over with the crowd. Don't get me wrong, Chyna has a lot to do with that.

BAD: I have to listen to The King act like a fucking moron throughout this match.

I HATE TO ADMIT IT, BUT: I want RAW to end so I can watch the tape of Nitro! I really want to know what happens! Grrrr!

GOOD: Jericho comes out and hits the stick hard. Gotta love him, especially the line about Chyna not being housebroken.

GOOD: This match. Eddie is old school all over Jericho's ass! They even did a figure four spot! You go guys!

BAD: Since when does a DDT put Jericho down for a three count? Jesus Christ.

GOOD: Gotta love Eddie's "I won?" reaction when the match is over.

UGLY: Kitty when Terri was done with her. Is that a wig? Hm...hard to tell.

OKAY: Rocky is here. Who's left for him to fight? 

BAD: Oh Christ, Bossman.

WELL, OKAY: Yeah, I kinda like Bull Buchanan. I guess I can live with this...if I close my eyes when the Bossman is on screen.

BAD: The "ninja-style" offense seems to be even more stupid under the circumstances. Bossman stands and watches as Rocky DDT's Bull. That's just not cool.

WHY...don't Bossman and Bull pile on top of the Rock? They could get the three count easily.

YEAH, SURE: Rocky wins the match and gets laid out for his troubles. Hm hm. Same shit, different night.

UGLY: That puddle of blood on the mat. Eyuch!

GOOD: The Acolytes come to the rescue. I sense a match for Thursday night.

OVERALL: Can't say that I thought much of this week's show. There were a couple of good matches, like HHH versus Taka and Jericho versus Guerrero. However, the main event was a bust and the fact that the biggest feud in the company is a carbon copy of one from the past just sat poorly on my tongue. Regardless of what the competition is doing, I hope Vince gets off his thumbs and gives us a show that gets us out of our seats and pumping our arms in the air.

Well, that's it. WCW came through with something more than watchable and the WWF gave us the same shit they have been for a month. It ain't so bad to be a wrestling fan, really.

That is, unless you have seen Ready to Rumble.

But, hey, let me reserve comment until Friday on The Verbal Crossface, the audio show that I have been working on over the past couple of weeks. Guess what. It's almost good enough to listen to. Please take a shot at it. The link will be up later this week.

Questions, comments, heavy water? Mail me at michaelangelo70@hotmail.com. All letters will be answered or sent far, far away.

I am Michaelangelo and will be for a while.