Hello again to all the rabid wrestling smarts out there. It's gonna be an interesting column this week what with Summer Slam leading into Monday Night RAW and a Las Vegas Nitro that WCW has been shoving down our throats for the past month.

Before we begin the ranting proper, allow me a moment to talk about a few things that happened this week.

First of all, hats off to WWF for swerving the hell out of us smarts by booking a great PPV in Summer Slam 99. First of all, teasing a Jarrett/Debra breakup for weeks and having it turn out to be a work. Not to mention having Mark Henry turn on D-Lo Brown to cost him the titles. I defy anyone to point me to a website that predicted that one.

Then, there's the World Title match. 95% of us expected HHH to walk out of that match with the World Title slung over his square shoulders. When Mankind pinned Austin, I nearly fell out of my chair. Maybe Austin didn't want to job to HHH, but he did lose clean and that is to be commended. Have a relaxing vacation, Austin. Write some new material and we'll see you in the fall.

In other news, fans might have noticed that Raven was missing from the DeadPool's ringside Monday night. If you haven't already heard, Bischoff met with all the WCW wrestlers before the show and offered a no-strings contract release for those workers who didn't like the way things were being run. Raven walked out on the spot. Maybe we'll be seeing him on TNN soon. It was also reported that after Nitro, Kidman approached Bischoff and asked for release as well. That's too bad, I was looking forward to his feud with DDP.

I was considering writing a G,B&U for Thursday nights, now that Smackdown will be on starting this week. Is it worth it? Would you guys read it? Drop me a line and let me know.

Okay, that's it. Let's get to the heart of Monday night programming.

WCW

BAD: Tony Schiavone gets right on my nerves by calling Las Vegas "The City that Never Sleeps." Now, that may be true, but that nickname is reserved for New York City. It's amazing. I would probably let this slide if Jim Ross said it, but since it spewed from Schiavone's mouth, it sounds as bitter as earwax to me.

GOOD: Mikey Whipwreck is here in the first match.

BAD: Since he's fighting Chase Tatum, either he's jobbing to a No-Limit Soldier or Sid is going to come out in a minute and waste both of them. Smart money's on Mr. Vicious.

BAD: I hate being right. Sid with chokeslams and powerbombs aplenty for the two young jobbers.

GOOD: He waited only three minutes or so to interrupt them.

BAD: Tony Schiavone's commentary. Okay, I have to get this off my chest now. I know that last week I touched on this subject, but it bears repeating. It seems that he only actually calls matches of main event status, and even those aren't done well. Dollars to donuts,  he doesn't know what a side salto is. Throughout the first two hours of Nitro, all he talked about was Hogan/Sting and KISS. Forget that we have a great Vampiro/Eddie Guerrero match going on, the viewers want to hear about how KISS is your favorite band ever in the whole world, really it is. Bobby Heenan, one of the best color men in the industry, is being wasted by Schiavone's endless prattling and shameless plugging of WCW PPV events, video games, t-shirts, music videos, and adult diapers. If I ever get the opportunity to attend a Nitro show, I am going to make it a point to work my way up the the seat right behind the commentary table and pelt Schiavone with frozen green beans every time he diverges from the match at hand. Who's with me?

BAD: This lame-ass idea of Sid racking up wins for interfering in matches. If it isn't a sanctioned match, it's not a damned win! What it means is we can look forward to Sid screwing with matches until he reaches Goldberg's psuedo-record of wins. God help us. 

BAD: Having Charles "Lodi" Robinson standing by with handwritten posters makes the whole thing worse since the guy actually is still an active referee. I believe it was Nostradamus that wrote:

When the year of 1999 shall come
The once proud championship of the wrestling world
Shall begin to angle skewed
And where there is no sense, there are no watchers.

Take from that what you will, but I think it's uncanny!

GOOD: Fueling the backstage fires between Kidman and DDP. I like the idea of a feud between these two and they are actually making an effort to get the whole thing over. (NOTE, ADDED POSTSHOW: Knowing what we know about Kidman, this sucks now.)

GOOD: Although we already know that DDP and Goldberg are scheduled to fight tonight, putting a story behind their match helps give the crowd a reason to cheer.

GOOD: The vignettes and interviews held in the first hour were all pretty well done. Thanks to Kidman, Goldberg, DDP, Luger, and Sting for decent stickwork that at least attempted to keep us watching past 9 p.m.

BAD: All that talking means very little wrestling.

BAD: Sting saying "Stizing in the hizouse!" That crap sounds too much like Kevin Nash meets the Road Dogg. I swear, Stinger gets his ideas by watching WWF programming. Remember when he ended a Nitro with "I go two words for ya!"?

GOOD: Luger is back. His attitude is ambiguous and standoffish enough to wonder when and if  he will turn on Sting and wallop him with a baseball bat.

BAD: Some kind of interference in the sound system causes the Spanish translation to broadcast under Sting's interview.

GOOD: Luger's comments about Goldberg, Sting, and Hogan. In case you missed it, the Total Package questioned Hogan's motives and trustworthiness. He spoke for about 80% of all wrestling fans by calling Hogan on his sudden change of heart. It's too bad that we all know that this whole thing is a setup for Luger to turn on Sting.

BAD: I was just wondering...does anyone know whatever happened to the WCW Secret Slam Society? Remember the ads featuring freeze frames of Ringside fans with snappy captions like "Once rubbed Goldberg's head and lived to tell about it."?

GOOD: The moment with Eric Bischoff. Now, this may get me a lot of heat, but I thought it was funny. first off, he gets out of a black hummer. When Tenay says that rumors on the Internet are pointing to Bischoff regaining control over the WCW, Bicshoff responds with, "That's the Internet for you." He was not making fun of Internet fans at all. I think he was saluting us. We all know that the internet reports out scoop the WCW half the time. I think he was acknowledging the importance of the "Net Smarts" and this was his backhanded way of paying us a complement.

BAD: Ernest "The Cat" Miller is back on my TV again this week. Someone made an interesting comment on WCW Live Monday night. There's a difference between heel heat and the kind of heat you get when the fans just don't want to see you out there. Guess which kind of heat this guy gets?

WORSE: He's fighting Bagwell again.

QUESTION: I'm sure lot of Internet reporters are asking this, but why doesn't Sid interrupt this match? This is the one match I would cheer for him to break up.

BAD: When Buff comes out to take on Miller, Tony calls the match a "big treat" for the fans. He calls it a PPV rematch. First of all, anything that Miller is involved in can be construed as any kind of "treat." Second, a match that has been replayed four times just does not belong on a Nitro that has been hyped as much as this one. Why can't we just accept that the whole thing was a vehicle to get Lex Luger over and leave it at that?

GOOD: The Cat actually amuses me by using the age old "bald guy complains to the ref that the other guy pulled his hair." I haven't seen that since Bad News Brown.

BAD: The camera is too busy following Luger and Oono that it completely misses the Blockbuster. Guess they figured we've seen it a couple of times already, huh?

BAD: D.J. Ran. When is this guy's contract up?

WORSE: The huge green album with a "Surge" label on it. What the hell is this supposed to be? The Surge band remix album? Do they actually take the fans for fools? They do, don't they?

GOOD: DDP versus Goldberg at 8:45. Good move. I might actually stick with it through the 9 p.m. hour.

BAD: Goldberg's "Crush Em" entrance music. I gave it a few weeks and I don't like it at all. His old music was much more ominous and seemed to get the crowd into him more. Although, that might have been because the original version had the pseudo "Goldberg" chant mixed in.

GOOD: Goldberg versus an upper mid-card/main event opponent. It's about time he faced someone other than Barry Windham or Hugh Morrus.

ULTRA SUPER DISGUSTINGLY BAD: What the fuck!?!? We get no match at all! Goldie is attacked by and dispatches Kanyon and Bigelow while DDP runs from the arena. Not two minutes after his entrance, Goldberg is calling DDP out for NEXT WEEK?!?!? This is exactly the problem with WCW. They promise a match that the fans can actually get into and they don't deliver. If this were WWF, we'd get our match and a rematch next week too. It makes me mad enough to spit! SNOOOOORRRRT! PTOOOOEY!

BAD: The new video from the West Texas Rednecks. We get this instead of Goldberg/DDP? Nuff said.

GOOD: Henning taking a dive off a four wheeler in the video.

BAD: No women wrestling...more specifically, no Mona. 

BAD: What the hell was that crap about the New York Lodi fans all about? I was literally speechless watching it. Who didn't think someone was going face first into the cake?

GOOD: Juvy versus Lenny. When Lenny won the Cruiserweight title on Thunder, he really impressed me.

BAD: How much you want to bet that these two guys are Sid bait?

GOOD: Lenny's top rope plancha to the floor.

BAD: Guess who! Yep, after 12 minutes, Sid is out to destroy any happiness this match may have given to the fans. Guess we'll be seeing a rematch on Thunder soon.

BAD: Sid's eternity on the microphone. How many times do we have to endure the same crap regurgitated over and over? We get it already! You want to fight Goldberg...just fight him, get beat, and move on already. Let the cruiserweights finish their matches.

BAD: The WCW's booking of a music video and two live music performances. You think they might throw some wrestling in there?

HORRIBLE: The West Texas Rednecks' playing "Good Old Boys" live. Isn't it bad enough that we had to watch the video? Did someone tell these guys that a fiddle sounds nothing like a guitar? Where are the backup singers? And, for the record, I play the drums. To me watching Barry Windham "playing" is akin to Chinese water torture.

GOOD: Tony actually says something funny (intentionally) when the WTR finish their "set." He says, "There's nothing like a good country western band, and that was nothing like a good country western band." It's almost asinine how right he is.

BAD: More and more KISS promos. I don't think there's a person in the WORLD who doesn't know that they are playing tonight.

GOOD: The six-man tag of Revolution versus First Family. I wish they'd send Sid in on these guys and have all six big men just beat the tar out of him. I would book that.

BAD: Brian Knobbs' ultra-mullet!

GOOD: There was a run-in. Maybe my fantasy booking will come true!

BAD: The run-in was Rick Steiner and he only managed to screw Saturn over. I guess this is WCW's attempt to get a couple of dozen viewers in line for Thursday night.

GOOD: First family actually wins a match! It was so unexpected that it was good.

GOOD: The thought of Benoit and Steiner in a match.

BAD: The fact that's the only way it can possibly end is with a screwjob.

BAD: "Out with evolution, in with revolution." What does that mean, exactly?

BAD: The ICP are wrestling again while Vampiro waits at ringside. Dammit.

GOOD: They lost! Whoo-hoo!

UGLY: Rey with white clown paint all over his chest. There are children watching!

BAD: I am sick to death of hearing about how "out of control" Rick Steiner is. It doesn't matter how often you say it, he's not going to get over as a monster heel. He's a decent wrestler...decent...that's it. Oh yeah, and where the hell is his TV Title Belt...are they phasing it out? Is he having it enlarged? Shellacked? Laminated?

GOOD: Benoit with three unreleased German suplexes on Steiner! Who says this guy can't play with the big boys?

BAD: Another Fucking screwjob! If this keeps up, I might just have to...uh...continue complaining.

BAD: Saturn gets chokeslammed...where was the rest of the Revolution? And why did Sid and Steiner run when Benoit, beaten and tired, ran at them with the belt? They should have been able to take him easily. This booking is just lazy crap for lazy wrestlers.

BAD: Harlem Heat versus the West Texas Rednecks. Why isn't Henning one of the two men represented? Come on, Kendall Windham?

WORSE: The Windhams win the Tag Team belts? These short ass title reigns really suck. The fact that Harlem Heat is feuding with the Rednecks sucks. Aw, dammit, right now, WCW just plain sucks.

GOOD: Vampiro in a match...and he's fighting Eddie Guerrero! Screw Cat/Buff, I want to see this PPV match again! It did not disappoint. These two work great together.

UGLY: The blown spot by Eddie off the top rope. It looked like he went knee to knee with Shaggy 2 Dope. I can only hope that ICP moron is injured.

GOOD: The sign that read, "Kevin Nash, why did you book this?"

GOOD: Hogan versus Sting. I am a sucker for a good face/face match. Their attempt at honesty and fair play is classic. Hogan's teasing heel tactics was well done too and he even did a couple of wrestling moves. I can't remember the last time I saw him put someone in a small package. When they actually started to get going, the match wasn't half bad. I commend both men on their efforts in there.

BAD: Goddamned screwjob! Why in the world would Sid and Steiner run in? It makes no sense whatsoever. The bigger question is why book the same ending as last week after the rain of drink cups they had to endure when Steiner screwed up the Hogan/Sid match? The booking committee of WCW have their collective heads up Hogan's ass. Of all nights for a clean ending, this was it. I don't care how much hype they put behind this night, it totally sucked. It was the WORST NITRO EVER...and it's not even over we still have:

BAD: KISS lip synching. Boy, they look old, even under all that makeup. I think the ratings are going to be horrible. Who would watch this over the Mankind/HHH title match on USA?

UNDECIDED: Brian Adams as the Kiss Demon. He looked pretty cool. I may be the only Adams fan in the world. I think he'll be okay, as long as the fans get their minds away from the fact that he just came off the biggest joke gimmick WCW did all year. Good luck, Brian, you got your work cut out for you.

WWF

BAD: Lillian Garcia, the new RAW ring announcer. Her voice is worse than Sable's. I am all for a female announcer, but give us one with a voice that doesn't sound like cat being pulled through a printing press.

GOOD: She fills out that dress nicely, so now we know why Vince hired her.

GOOD: Triple H getting right out there and spewing his issues with the title match last night. Every week, I like this guy more and more.

GOOD: His assault on JR to get a title shot. Does anyone else remember when this was Mankind beating on Shane to get Vince to grant him a shot at the title a few months back? Yes, it's a rehash, but it still works, especially since HHH actually "broke" JR's arm, thus solidifying him as a solid superheel.

BAD: The timing on the sound of Ross's arm "breaking. " Note to the effects man, you were two seconds too late.

GOOD: A title shot between Mankind and HHH tonight. I bet there's a pinfall.

GOOD: The King acting ultra-concerned about JR's condition. He managed to tone his act down long enough to make it almost believable. He'll be mayor yet!

GOOD: Al Snow versus Road Dogg for the Hardcore Title. These two had one hell of a match about nine months ago...maybe they'll top it.

BAD: Nope. As a tribute to the WCW booking staff, Jericho runs out and screws the ending. As much as I love The Lionheart, messing with this match forced me to extend a bit of "Sid hate" his way.

GOOD: The backstage brawl between Jericho and Road Dogg. This is a feud I can like.

BAD: We all had our heart set on a Rock/Jericho feud. Ah, c'est la vie.

BAD: Bossman's predictable "dognapping" of Pepper. Al Snow must be getting tired of the "stealing the crazy guy's non-human valets" formula. I swear, how many times did Golddust steal Head before we all got tired of it? Now we have to endure animal cruelty. If that Chihuahua turns up with a spike through his head, I am going to force Vince McMahon to watch 30 straight hours of Animal Planet programming.

GOOD: Kane and X-Pac on commentary during the BigShow and UT versus Acolytes match.

BAD: Kane remained silent. One word would have been enough!

GOOD: Their involvement in the match. It was cool how Farouk popped Kane and all hell broke loose. If you're gonna have a screwjob, at least make it interesting.

BAD: How much longer can they repeat the "X-Pac getting wiped out by the big wrestlers and Kane standing over him saddened" routine? It is getting tiresome to watch.

BAD: The Stephanie and Test angle. Somehow, I suspect this whole thing was cooked up by little Steffy herself to get herself over as a serious actress so she can show up on Jennifer Love Hewitt's new show this fall. They'll never be able to top the Macho Man and Liz's tearjerker reunion back in the day, so putting on a display like this in the middle of the ring is just lame and boring.

GOOD: Howard Finkle as the new Ralphus. I was hoping they'd find something for the guy to do since he lost his Monday Night Gig. He was funny as hell, especially during the workout scene and when he was imitating the Ultimate Warrior. 

GOOD: As long as we're on the subject, in the wake of the Warrior's scathing website address that tore into both WWF and WCW, it was funny to see them dredge up his old music and give him a few sucker punches just for spite. You want to give it, you're gonna get it Jimmy.

GOOD: Mark Henry getting the European Title. It's good that it's been split off from the Intercontinental Title. I hated the fact that one guy held both. Now it can be used to put midcard and younger wrestlers over...once Sexual Chocolate drops it.

GOOD: Miss Kitty. Wow...where does Vince find these women?

BAD: Now Jarrett has puppies and kitties. I am not looking forward to The King's commentary during JJ's next batch of matches. I thought that he was pissed about the Face heat he was getting from Debra, now he's gonna get twice as much. If he doesn't dump the valets soon, he won't be worth squat on his own.

GOOD: D-Lo versus Mark Henry. Good quick match and I was actually glad he didn't get the European Title back right away. Let's let it simmer for a while and these two can go at it later on.

BAD: The choice of what they censor. Why is "monkey piss" bad? Maybe the Rock should just say "simian urine."

GOOD: The Blonde Bitch Project. I like the Meanie and Stevie Richards. I look forward to finding out who the "blonde bitch" is. Did anyone else notice that Meanie had a Game Shark attached to his Playstation? He's cheating! Ha!

GOOD:  I loved it when Chyna signed up for Jarrett's open challenge ahead of Billy Gunn. I get the feeling she's gonna take the title. I really do like the idea of a female wrestler competing with the men. She's going to be a huge star in a very short time.

GOOD: The Rock versus Gangrel. The vamp-man is a great worker and can make anyone look great. This match really was well done.

GOOD: The Hardy's involvement in the match. These two guys are awesome...why did their push end?

BAD: The Rock Bottom on Gangrel. It had no height. He must have been tired...it was a long match...nearly seven minutes!

GOOD: The Rock bitching about his opponents. It's what we were all thinking. Hopefully his interview is a sign that he will be a World Title contender again. With Austin out for a while, it's very likely.

BAD: Tori's interview. That was tough to watch. She has no personality whatsoever. I certainly hope she doesn't win the title from Ivory on Thursday night. That would be a shame. Ivory may be small, but she's the Stone Cold of the Women's Division.

BAD: Ivory in an evening gown match. Not because I think she looks bad, goodness knows that isn't the case. I just think that she is a real wrestler and should be involved in real wrestling matches, not relegated to rehashing the Sable/Jacqueline/Luna feud from last year. To a certain degree, I feel the same way about Tori. She's pretty good in the ring and should be given matches that will help her develop as a grappler.

GOOD: Speaking of Luna, it's good to have her back. I look forward to the first Luna/Ivory match. I suspect that Mrs. Gangrel will be on hand for the Evening Gown match at Smackdown.

GOOD: Jericho's double powerbomb on Road Dogg followed by the "nonchalant cover." James sold this stuff great and it's good to see Y2J in the ring again. 

GOOD: Thursday Night Finkdown. It's just funny.

GOOD: Chyna taking that guitar shot. Wow. Could the 8th wonder of the world be nearing a face turn? When faced with Jeff Jarrett and Billy Gunn, she certainly seemed like the only face in the ring at the time.

GOOD: The "Goldberg Sucks" T-shirt in the audience. That couldn't have been PLANTED, could it?

BAD: X-Pac and Kane versus Mideon and Viscera. Remember that formula I mentioned above? Apply it here.

GOOD: The Undertaker and Big Show's commentary during the match. UT is great on the mic and, as I pointed out last week, he's a lot better when he tones down all that "hellfire and brimstone" crap. His words about Kane and X-Pac were great. The "Phony tough and crazy brave" line was one for the books.

UGLY: Viscera literally squashing X-Pac and laying on him for the pin. If I were Sean Waltman, I'd refuse to have that big smelly fat guy lying on me. It's just...gross. I mean, the poor guy just disappeared within the folds of Viscera's girth. I expected a huge spatula to be lowered into the ring to scrape him off the mat. Yech.

GOOD: A decent main event. Mankind and HHH is a match we haven't seen for a while. Both men did a hell of a job out there.

UGLY: Chyna's powerslam of Mankind into the steel stairs. That looked painful.

GOOD: The Rock on the stick. The moment he made reference to the Brooklyn Brawler, I started laughing and never stopped. "Mankind Sucks!" "You spilled Soda on the Rock's $600 shoes!" Beautiful. When the time comes that this guy retires, he is definitely my choice to follow in Jesse Ventura's footsteps as a commentator.

UGLY: HHH's chairshots to both Mankind and the Rock. I don't think anyone expected him to waffle Rocky like that. I had to watch it twice before it sunk in. I guess this means that The People's Champ is now a contender for the World Title.

GOOD: A title match with a pinfall ending!

BAD: They should have waited a week or two before giving HHH the belt. The way it looks now is back to the "Austin didn't want to lose to HHH, so Mankind was brought in." Vince swerved the fans at Summer Slam, but by having Mick drop the belt the next night, the swerve is erased and we are all back where we thought we'd be by now. That's unfortunate, because it could have worked out a lot better.

Well, that's it for this edition of G,B&E. Am I doing okay so far? Please drop me a line if anything catches your eye, or if you just want to tell me what an asshole you think I am. All letters will be answered or served over garlic toast and spam. Write me at michaelangelo70@hotmail.com.

I am Michaelangelo and will be for a while.