You are here /wrestling
/guests
/Michaelangelo
Guest Columns

Michaelangelo

Main

BLAH

GOOD, BAD AND UGLY FOR FEBRUARY 7, 2000

Greetings and salutations, fellow Internet smarks. Welcome to another episode of the Good, Bad, and Ugly. I am your host, Michaelangelo and I am here to take you through another night of the drudgery that we call sports entertainment.

Yep. When I say it that way, it sure sounds crappy, don't it?

Just wait, things have just begun to suck.

Before we hit the mark, let's name out King of Vague References for this week. He is known only as Jeff. He is to be feared and worshipped. At least until next week. Congrats Jeff!

Oh yeah, here's the winning letter. He did, in fact, get all three correct.

From: have clue--will travel 
Subject: Vague References for January 31 column 


Well, I've got two out of three...

"Curiouser and curiouser." == Alice in Wonderland. Or if you really want to subreference, try the "Robot" episode of Doctor Who (back when it starred Tom Baker). A giant robot is running amok, starts growing uncontrollably, and our heroes respond:

HARRY: "Curiouser and curiouser..."
DOCTOR: "...said Alice."

"For how long... for... how... long?" No idea, but with word placement like that I've got to go with William Shatner as Captain Kirk. Never a bad guess when it comes to bad diction.

"Who talks like that?" == Real Genius. Val Kilmer's character's just embarrassed the hell out of his dorky nemesis, who shouts "You will rue the day!" Val sez: "Rue the day? Who talks like that?"

Share and enjoy.

Jeff. It scares me that I remember the Robot one.

Remember, if you want your chance to sit in the throne of Vague References, look through the report for each little quip. Identify as many as you can and send them to me at michaelangelo70@hotmail.com.

And now, without any more of that ado stuff...

The Good, Bad, and Ugly for February 7, 2000

WCW NITRO

BAD: Sid as the superface in WCW. 

I WONDER... if Hogan will align with him tonight to try and steal what little heat the big guy has.

BAD: Another bunch of tasks for Sid and Funk tonight. Isn't it time for the faces to get the upper hand?

GOOD: Madden is back. All props to CRZ, but Madden was good last week. I am willing to give him a second shot.

INTERESTING: I wonder if Ferrara will show up again this week...they are in Oklahoma, after all.

GOOD: Three Count. They have officially grown on me. They have got some serious heel heat and I hear that they worked a lot with the Hardies in the indies.

GOOD: Norman Smiley screwing with the music for 3-count. It's a Milli Vanilli nightmare! 

BAD: Smiley in the first hour. He's a bit too over to be opening the show. He should be closer to the top of the hour. 

BAD: Tony pontificating that "pop music is not what the fan likes." How the fuck would you know? You guys tried rock, heavy metal, disco, and country and that didn't work.

GOOD: Norman versus all members of Three Count at the next PPV. He has to lose, but I think that match might just be entertaining. If he stacks the guys and wiggles, I might just call it a night.

BAD: Madden in a black jacket, shirt, and tie. He looks like a bearded Paul Bearer.

BAD: Booker dropped the "T." That is too stupid for me to even go into.

GOOD: Biggs in a full on traction brace. It's a cheap shot at lawyers, but hey, I laughed.

GREAT: WHOOO! Nature Boy is here! 

BAD: What the fuck is Papa Pump wearing? Is he trying to rip off the Godfather now?

BAD: Scott Hall comes out and does not say anything. Asshole. It's bad enough that 3/4 of the roster is on sick leave, the few that show refuse to speak to the crowd. What a bunch of egotistical crap.

BAD: Pump is starting a feud with Flair? They are both heels! Here we go again with this confusing shit. That crap that Pump spewed about Flair seems awfully-face like. Talking about his backstage politics and ass-kissing and bringing up Stone Cold getting fired by Naitch's hand brought lots of cheers. So is Pump a good guy or a bad guy? "Okay, you're a heel on thrusday, but Mondays, you play face. Aw hell, just be a 'tweener like everyone else." 

BAD: Jarrett still calling himself the "chosen one." Who chose him exactly? How do you get that honor? "I'll rochambeau you for it!" (Vague Reference)

BAD: Scott Hall versus Sid. Again? What the hell? How many time do we have to see this match?

GOOD: Scott obviously pissed about the booking. Is Hall going to turn face and split off the NWO tonight? Or will he turn into a giant cockroach and try to live a normal life anyway? (Vague Literary Reference)

GOOD: Midnight...she is just impressive. It's been a while since I said so.

BAD: Too bad all she does is walk around.

WOW: Booker in brief tights. That's something I haven't seen in a little bit.

NOT SURE WHAT TO MAKE OF IT: David and Funk in an "I quit" match.

FUNNY: Daffnee and Crowbar thumb wrestling in the background.

BAD: Booker's new music. That crap is awful. No pyro either? This angle chews roots.

UGLY: Booker is oiled to the ends of the earth. He looks like a big sausage.

BAD: The Wall is still wrestling in a suit?!? COME ON! Get with the goddamned program.

QUESTION: What the hell happened to Berlyn anyway? Why is the Maestro still around while he's gone?

GOOD: Tony actually remembers how it used to be when throwing your opponent over the top rope got you a DQ.

GOOD: Some stiff moves by The Wall. That scoop slam looked hot!

GOOD: Booker is actually pulling a decent match out of this  guy.

BAD: I smell a run-in.

WORSE: There it is.

WORST: I hate "you're under arrest" angles. I fucking hate them with a passion. They are the most worthless, typical pointless angles ever created.

OH MY GOD! Tony just said that it has never happened before!?!? What the hell?!?!? AIGH!!!!

BAD: Knobbs is pissed that his words were turned around on him last week but still agrees to a vague match booking. Is he the dumbest guy in WCW or what?

GOOD: Arn and Funk arguing over where The Enforcer stands. This angle I actually like. Arn is torn between his old friend and the guy who got him back into WCW. I am actually interested to see where this goes.

BAD: Lenny and Lodi don't look any different to me...what's their new angle? Oh yeah, 2XS. They have officially stolen two gimmicks from the same WWF tag team. My head is spinning.

BAD: The Barbarian is now a jobber for Tank Abbott.

GOOD: Crowbar responding to Daffnee's scream with the word "Coming." That was too funny.

BAD: WCW NITRO is coming to Providence, RI and I have no reason at all to bother to go see it.

GOTTA HAND IT TO THEM: WCW had the balls to send Oklahoma out there tonight. 

BAD: It's nearly official, WCW is WWF lite. They have A JR look-alike, a Godfather clone, a Shamrock wannabe, and a Too Cool rip-off team. All they need is a tall guy in leather pants and a bald badass and they'll be all set...

GOOD: If they do it right, the women's division could be worthwhile.

BAD: They won't do it right.

BAD: Dr. Heywood Jeeter? Good Lord.

BAD: This whole interview. Talking about Madusa's ass? What the fuck is this about? I could talk about my ass for 10 minutes and I guarantee nobody will find it the least bit interesting.

QUESTION: Is Madusa bouyant? Methinks she may be.

GOOD: At least Madusa got the last laugh. It's always good when the wrestlers are put over the writers...one good thing about Russo being out of power.

BAD: Does Flair actually believe that his son will get Funk to submit? Come on Naitch!

I BET: Terry Taylor is thinking of jumping ship...again. Hell, I would. Just a side note, I have had the distinct displeasure of hearing the Rooster speak on WCW Live. Whenever anyone calls in and challenges the booking decisions, he freaks out and gets very defensive, stating things like, "Well, what would you do?" and "We're dealing with a lot of injuries here and that's a tough situation." and "Fuck the fans, we have to cater to the talent." Well, I made up one of those responses. Try to guess which one.

GOOD: As Jarrett jaws about the changes to the main event, Scott Hall silently laces up his boots. I like tension among heels, if done correctly.

GOOD: Clips of Flair and Funk from 10 years back. Two guys on their game...that's all.

BAD: The realization that this bout between David Flair and Funk will be nothing like that legendary match.

SUGGESTION: Put Daffnee in a schoogirl uniform. I guarantee these three will be over like Rover in a heartbeat.

A THOUGHT: Terry Funk is in such horrible shape, I could probably make him quit.

GOOD: Funk twisting Flair's 14 world title reigns by reminding him that he lost the title for every time he won it.

GOOD: David taking some bumps in this match. If'n ya' cain't rassle, might'n well be a punchin' bag.

BAD: Madden stating that "the crowd is silent" because of the nasty piledriver that Funk laid on David through the table. I beg to differ, they are silent because they have no interest in this match.

BAD: Funk using the phrase "Banana nose" twice when referring to Flair. Is that supposed to be an insult?

BAD: Arn Anderson asks Tenay for a camera crew...ON CAMERA!!! What the hell sort of asinine bullshit is that?!?! That's like ultra magical stupidity...it creates little purple things in the air...

GOOD: Arn's testimony! Preach, old man, preach! And he's right! Gotta love The Enforcer.

BAD: I thought they weren't calling the tag champs "The Mamalukes" anymore...what's the deal?

I JUST HAD A THOUGHT: WCW sucks...a lot. They have no talent, boring and pointless booking, bad mic work, and no crowd response. How much longer can this last? It's too bad, because I was always a WCW fan, regardless of what my readers may think. I was always harder on them because I liked the talent pool. These days, what can I say? The backstage politics and lack of leadership has pulverized this company beyond recognition.

UGLY: Stevie Ray's God-awful slapjack on Disco. Slopjack is more like it.

BAD: Madden claiming that he grew up in Harlem. Okay, Mark. You are already too close to Howard Stern as it is, let it go.

BAD: Sid's interview...he flubbed too many words...I guess when you're shaking and tensing every muscle in your face at the same time, it's tough to remember your lines.

BAD: Flair never made it to the ring? What the hell? We barely got a "Woo" out of the guy.

GOOD: Bigelow. At least there is some talent left out there.

QUESTION: Why is Finlay a guest ref again?

GOOD: With any luck, there might be some nasty spots in this match. Knobbs isn't much of a wrestler, but it's fun to see him get hit with stuff.

QUESTION: Is the ring miked more heavily? Seems like all the in-ring bumps are extra loud...

I DON'T GET IT: Why did Finlay help Knobbs and Bigelow?

GOOD: Bigelow gets the Hardcore Title. Too bad there's no division within which to defend it.

BAD: Why is there so much security around when Lenny and Lodi taunt the Mamalukes? They ran in the second the first punch was thrown.

GOOD: The Cat's interview. Before his injury, he did grow on me a bit...he has char-asma! (Vague Reference)

BAD: Torrie Wilson seems to be dressing rather conservatively these days. She's got the look, let's see the bod!

BAD: The Demon as a jobber to the stars. Bet that's not what Gene Simmons and company had in mind.

POINTLESS: Madden and Shiavone selling The demon. He's gonna get pinned by Kidman in a few minutes. Why bother?

DECENT: This match. These two guys are good grapplers. I don't mind watching them at all.

GOOD: Kidman not using the moonsault. The last couple of times he did it, he hurt himself or his opponent. Remember when he didn't get enough clearance and hit the ropes? He needs to practice.

GOOD: Crowbar worshipping the Demon. I don't know what was funnier, the fact that he kowtowed or the thought that these two guys were both jobbers a couple of months ago.

UGLY: Sid's cackling backstage.

ON THE FENCE: Not sure about Ready to Rumble yet. The preview made me laugh, and promises some skin from the Nitro Girls...that includes Chae. So...

BAD: Hogan is not appearing on Nitro? Isn't it time for desperate measures when all your talent is hurt? I hate to say it, but given the circumstances, there's nobody left! Hogan has to be on camera or he should be retired. Period. Enough of this pussyfooting around waiting for the ratings opportunities. He swore up and down that guys like Malenko and Benoit were not good enough to main event or work programs with him, but he's to chickenshit to put himself on television opposite them. Asshole.

GOOD: Hart tells it like it is. Lex Luger is a "Hulk Hogan wannabe." Yep, he is, was, and always will be. So, if Hogan is washed-up, what does that make TP? That's right. Worse. Well, at least he got to slam a sumo wrestler on the deck of a battleship.

BAD: Tony is outraged that Luger attacks Hart, but never says a word about the (albeit weak) atomic drop laid on Liz on Wednesday night. Hypocrite.

BAD: Is it me or does Hall look like he could give two shits about this match? His selling is comedic, his ring presence is ghostly, and his movement is limited. If apathy were money, this guy would be rich.

BAD: Oooh. Ref bump. That's original.

GOOD: Jarret turns on Hall. If this isn't a swerve, I could live with this. They need more faces in the WCW, especially since Flair wants to be a heel.

OVERALL: I can't sugar coat this, WCW sucks bad. Really bad. With Goldberg, Sting, Nash, Bagwell, Steiner, Mysterio, and DDP on the DL; Hogan and Flair barely on TV; and Benoit, Saturn, Malenko, Douglas, and Guerrero out of the fed, they have nothing left to rely on. You think that Sid and Jarrett can carry the company? Forget it. Now is the time to start bringing up young up and comers and pushing them toward main event status. It will take a while, but it needs to be done. With the exception of a little good wrestling, Nitro sucked tonight and it isn't going to improve anytime soon. I weep for WCW.

WWF RAW

I WONDER: Who will come back to champion the Radicals tonight? Vince? HBK?

BAD: X-Pac coming out first? I can think of 40 guys I'd rather see than him...

INTERESTING: Torrie has turned heel and her hair looks just like Stephanie's. Interesting. I think I read this observation somewhere else recently.

BETTER: The WCW four chase him out. Well all-right. Now we're cooking with gas.

GREAT: What a pop from the crowd! All four of them got huge cheers, especially Eddie.

GOOD: Benoit is in the WWF. Holy shit. It's still hard for me to fathom. My favorite wrestler has a chance to actually be seen...to hold the gold...oh man. It's like I'm on some sort of wonderful drug. (Vague Reference)

GOOD: Stephanie stretching out the word "puke" during her opening monologue. She has a future in low-brow Norm McDonald comedies.

GOOD: This whole segment. It's got tons of heat, great mic work, and good writing.

GOOD: Cactus and HHH one more time. Let him win the title, please.

BAD: Not likely he will.

I BET: Cactus calls for a Hell in the Cell match.

YES! He did! Am I good or what?

BAD: Stephanie has the saddlebags big time in that leather skirt.

GOOD: Regardless, she looks hot. In fact, few women look bad in a leather mini...must be the 80's in me.

BAD: Another career on the line match...what the hell?

UGLY: That cut on HHH's honker. Why do we need a close-up of that? I guess the need for puss-filled wounds on television has been steadily rising.

BAD: HHH on Foley's retirement. "I will end your 15 year career. I will end it. It will be over." I repeat myself, I'm repetitive, I say things over and over.

WOW: The Radicals turned heel! Holy shit! Nobody, but NOBODY, saw that coming! Good Lord!

GOOD: The swerve. It got us all. That crowd reaction was absolutely nuts. Big bad booing!

BAD: Making heels of these guys is not a good idea. They were over as faces. I would rather see Benoit as a face, and so would a lot of folks. I can only hope they double switch by the end of the night.

GOOD: A 5 on 1 match of Benoit, Malenko, Saturn, HHH, and X-Pac versus Mick and any four guys he can get. It's wishful thinking, but it's a great chance for that double turn I just hoped for.

WOW: This crowd is fucking hot! Holy shit!

PLEASE: If there is a force of good in the world, Edge and Christian will take the Tag Team titles from the NAO. Please! I am begging you, Vince!

BAD: Fucking Dudleys. They are going to cost my boys their title win...God damn it.

GOOD: This match. These four guys put on a hell of a good show. What did you expect? High flying and high impact. Well all-right!

GOOD: JR to Buh Buh Ray: "Don't you have somewhere to be?" 

GOOD: I have to admit, the Dudleys' push is actually welcome. Too bad they won't beat the NAO when the eventually face them.

BAD: Of course, Edge and Christian lose. I guess I am not supposed to be happy in this lifetime.

I WONDER: If the whole thing with the Radicals and DX isn't a setup for a double turn, who will Cactus get as partners...Hm...Rocky? Rikishi? Hardies? D-Lo and Godfather? They got me. I am curious.

GOOD: Kurt Angle's tirade. I liked the "intensity" quip in particular.

BAD: Haven't we heard it before? these two fought once before.

BAD: I hate Mark Henry's music.

GROSS: The King refers to Mae Young's undergarments as "edible Depends." Okay...yuk! Hey, we got kids eating food in this house! (Vague Reference)

QUESTION: Is Mae Young wearing leather pants? If so, I changed my mind about leather on women! AIGH!

MY HERO: Kurt Angle for dropping Mae Young on her head. I am now an Angle mark. It was inevitable.

GOOD: The bump Mae took. She may be old and gross, but that woman can still take a fall in the ring.

GOOD: The King on Mae being worked on by paramedics: "Take her teeth out!"

IMPRESSIVE: The second the Rock appears in the arena, the place explodes. Forget Stone Cold, Rocky's the daddy. "I'm the father! I'm the father!" (Vague reference)

BAD: Young stripping off her shirt again! Ugh. How much wrinkly skin are we to be subjected to? I'll be good, I promise. No more, please.

FUNNY: Admittedly, the EMT's reaction was worth a chuckle. A small one, but a chuckle nonetheless.

GOOD: The Acolytes. These two bastards are about as tough as they com. I used them in the WWF 2000 game and I kicked serious ass all over the ring.

BAD: The fight in the concession stand. Weak shots abound.

GOOD: The beer break was cool...so was the bottle shot on Farouk.

BAD, BUT FUNNY: Viscera taking a dump on his way to make the save for Holly. That was classic. That was Shockmaster funny.

GOOD: Jericho's pop. It seems that every single guy that comes out there tonight gets a king's welcome.

BAD: Viscera gets an IC title shot? How the hell does that work?

GOOD: Viscera = the love child of Mr. T. and Fat Albert. Although the thought of those two procreating nauseates me beyond reproach, it is a funny quip.

BAD: Try as he might, Jericho cannot pull a decent match out of Viscera.

BAD: The Hollys cause a DQ by knocking Jericho off Viscera. What's the point? At least let the match end before beating him down.

GOOD: Acolytes back in for the save. Angle advancement...always a plus when the match is ruined.

GOOD: Pretty good interview on the part of the Radicals...I still get the feeling that there will be another turn.

FINALLY: The Women's Division has female wrestlers in wrestling matches vying for the gold. That's something we haven't seen in a while.

BAD: Vince, what are you thinking? XFL? Now, I'm glad that I did not invest in WWF Entertainment. Lullabye and goodnight...

GOOD: Luna is cool. I like the fact that she hails from "The other side of darkness." I went there on a vacation about three years back.

GOOD: Quick match, but quite good.

GREAT: Gangrel's Impaler on Jackie. Wow! Looked awesome! She sold it like a pro, too.

BAD: That Tazz video. I just didn't like it. He looks like a pissed off bulldog. Doesn't really say "dangerous" to me.

BAD: Rocky bringing out the "poontang pie" line again. I really don't like repeated use of the word "poontang" on television. I'm not offended at all, it's just not that funny.

GOOD: Rock's words about the Radicals. Admittedly, hearing him speak the name Benoit gave me a bit of a chill. Life is good.

BAD: Every week, D-Lo turns more and more into the Godfather.

UGLY: D-Lo's lime green pants. 

UNINTERESTED: Me...in this match...perhaps I'll hang up my laundry.

WELL, MAYBE NOW: When the table comes out I do get interested.

BAD: If the Dudleys wanted to put BB through that table, all they had to do was not stall so long before actually doing it. Seems awfully simple to me. All that praying wastes time. Oh, wait, that's the point. Oh, right. I get it. They had to wait for the good guys to make the save. I'm such a mark.

BAD: Showing us the Radical heel turn for the third time. The show is only two hours. How many times do we need to see this stuff? Do you think your fans have short term memory loss?

GOOD: Late night Raw next week. Means I can get the GBU done a lot easier...I can watch both WCW and WWF live.

GOOD: I like the Radicals' music. Not terrible...better than what they had in WCW at least.

COOL: Rikishi and Too Cool! Wow. What a slobberknocker!

BAD: I guess that means that The Radicals are staying heels. Bummer.

GOOD: The talent in this match. It's nearly staggering.

BAD: Once again, we are subjected to Stef's horrible play-by-play.

GOOD: JR on Rikishi's ass: "Buns of fire." Gorilla would have been proud.

HOLY SHIT! The crowd is going nuts! This match is, for lack of a better term, fucking electric! I am marking my ass off! This is what sports entertainment should be.

GOOD: Double snot blow by Benoit and Saturn! Boogers never looked so good.

GOOD: Great flying headbutt by Benoit!

BAD: Looked like Cactus tried to make a save and then thought better of it.

GREAT: Kane's return.

IF ONLY: The Taker were healthy...it might have been him as well.

OVERALL: What can I say? This one hit on all cylinders. Although the heel turn by the WCW Four was not a popular booking as far as I am concerned, it does seem to work and the main event kicked ass. I also liked the women's match and The NAO versus Edge and Christian (until the end). Great show as a whole. No real complaints.

Well, WCW sucked and WWF ruled. What else is new? Eh. I see a trend here. Anyone have any idea what WCW can do to pull their collective heads out of the toilet?

Me either.

Questions, comments, late night hot sex phone calls? Write me at michaelangelo70@hotmail.com. All letters will be answered or taped to my ceiling.

Until next week, friends.

I am Michaelangelo and will be for a while.

Michaelangelo
[slash] wrestling

Mail the Author

BLAH

Main

Design copyright (C) 1999, 2000 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications
Guest column text copyright (C) 2000 by the individual author and used with permission