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Michaelangelo

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BLAH

THE EXPANSION COLUMN FOR 1/16/0

Good day, good day. Michaelangelo here for yet another week of opinions, questions, answers, and letters. You guys keep reading, so I keep writing. That's how it works.

Let's skip the rest of the pleasantries. It's Sunday night and The Simpsons is on in an hour, so I want to crank this sumbitch out.

It's My Column and I'll Rant if I Want To

It's been quite a week for the world of wrestling...especially for WCW. Let's get back to that.

Over at the WWF, a list of 29 men on the long-awaited Royal Rumble competitors list has been released. As expected, most of the midcard stars showed up, but the big news is the currently brewing Rock/Show feud that should escalate steadily until Sunday when the two men face off amidst 28 other wrestlers.

The other news is the mystery behind the 30th member of the list. Will it be the much-anticipated debut of Tazz or the inevitable return of the Undertaker? Frankly, if the WWF delivers either of these men, the fans will definitely approve.

At least I will.

Now then, in WCW there's tons of crazy shit going on. Seems that most of their key players have found their way to the Disabled List. Funny how all these injuries occurred in the wake of the Russo "Crash TV" era. I guess that's what happens when you use tons of gimmick matches and order guys to smash their fists through windshields.

So, looks like Russo is out as head booker and it's been reported that Kevin Sullivan could be handed the ball, again. Not a position I find enviable. They have a PPV that's totally fucked, most of their top guys are out healing, and those who remain are asking for their release.

Now Turner's baby is in hot water. As I sit here, and the clock ticks close to the 8:00 hour, Souled Out is ready to go on the air. It seems that my boy Benoit is the odds on favorite to go over Sid in the newly crafted main event. If he does, he will finally claim the WCW World Heavyweight Championship.

But, as I mentioned above, he is on that short list of hard workers who want their release from the company unless Sullivan is drummed out quickly and efficiently.

Jesus. It's a sinking ship. 

So, once again, all eyes are on the ever-changing management structure of WCW's back office. I'm curious, but to be honest, I really can't care all that much anymore. Sorry WCW, but when there are always new chefs in the kitchen, you can't expect your customers to keep coming back for the dishes they love.

Wow, that was a good one.

Anyway, keep your eyes peeled. For me, I'm going to move onto the:

Letters

Last week's Question of the Week was:

Who is your favorite all time wrestler, and why?

Once again, my thanks to the readers who took the time to answer this question. Your input is always welcome, and encouraged. Don't forget to answer this week's question, which will appear in its usual spot at the bottom of this column.

From: "Guerrilla Radio"
Subject: Fave wrestler EVER~! 


Bob Holly. It was '95, he was being booked as an underdog (I loved underdogs), and the Spark Plugg music RULED it. I was the world's first Holly mark, damnit. 

-EverLit 
www.geocities.com/everlit1 

Holly has really come into his own as the "Superheavyweight" although I still think that the inclusion of that scale every time he and Crash come to the ring is quite pointless.

From: Adrian Tynan 
Subject: Now THAT'S a question I'll answer 


Hi Michelangelo (wow - how unique, someone putting your proper name instead of my-quelle-anj-'ello or something) :) - As the subject says, finally a question I feel I can answer well enough. I don't answer "what will happen" questions - I get too depressed when they rip off my thoughts (damned brain monitoring machines)!!

My favourite wrestler of all time is, narrowly - Ric Flair. Magnetism City baby! No one, and I mean NO ONE can light up a ring like the Ric-meister! And how many other wrestlers have been the subject of Gene Hackman's lines in a movie??? Look at the pop he got when the Horsemen reformed - I heard it live on the Internet - and went to "Mark Central", and then saw it 5 days later when we received our copy of Nitro - and went straight back to "Mark Central"! And the only time I've liked Hogan was when Flair stole his belt years ago and actually made the big lummox look good........

Now - if you'd said two favourite wrestlers, I could have worked in a tribute to Ricky "The Steamboat" Dragon - and said that it was because he was The only other man worthy of being in the same ring as Ric - but since you said favourite, I can't mention him - DAMN!

Good column - heck, they're always good columns, but as one of Buff's two readers - I've got to tell people to read him instead! :)

Cheers,
Adrian

Flair is definitely at the top of a number of lists, including mine. He is a heat machine, which is why WCW insists on misusing him month after month.

From: "Wes Vansandt" 
Subject: Question of the Week 


Who is your favorite all time wrestler, and why?

I have always been a huge Undertaker mark, but the last 12 months haven't really done anything for me. I just always loved the character, and some of the freaky shit he did in the early nineties was cool. The first wrestling shirt I ever bought was an Undertaker shirt with the purple fog of his character in the mid-'90s. Up until recently, his entrances were the best in the business, like his return at Summerslam '94, and the parting of the TV screens at Survivor Series '94. His comeback prior to Wrestlemania 14 to confront Kane is still one of my favorite moments on Raw. The beginning of his speech where he said, "Welcome to Hell!" gave me goose bumps. I just hope he comes back from his injuries soon, and has a cool gimmick this time. Oh yeah, his music has always been the coolest in wrestling. There is nothing like being in an arena when the lights go out and there is a gong over the loudspeakers.

Wes

I wonder what look that UT will sport on his impending return...anyone want to hazard a guess?

From: Jerry Root
Subject: My Favorite Wrestler of All Time 


This one is incredibly easy. It took me about 15 seconds to come up with the name, as he has been a personal hero of mine since I started watching wrestling lo these many (many) years ago.

Ray Stevens. The original "crippler". A true heel, through and through. I can still hear that voice of his, sounding like somebody had just hit him in the throat, rasping out how he was going to take his opponent and snap his "pencil neck" like a twig. He had a really impressive finisher called the "Back Blisterer". (Essentially, he would beat the hell out of his opponent and then take him over to the corner, climb to the second turnbuckle, put his knee in his opponents back and push off, driving his opponent to the mat with his knee. Very impressive (and to an impressionable sort like me, very painful looking).

To truly get a feel for just the high regard I hold the Crippler in, he beat out Bruno Sammartino (a living legend, I don't care what anybody says!), Dick "The Bruiser" (a very close nr. 2), and Chris Benoit.

Great column, as always. Keep up the great work, and I'm working on my patience concerning the picture of CyanIndigo. :-)

Jerry

Thanks for the complements. I do appreciate it.  Nice to know some vintage wrestling fans read my stuff.

From: "Hoya Killah"
Subject: Question of the week 


What is this, two weeks in a row? This is turning into a trend! 

Props for another great question -- one I really had to think about... well, sorta. 

There are two wrestlers I will always consistently mark out for. That's why I had to choose two as my "favorite wrestlers of all time." 

Shawn Michaels was a bump machine for years, before Mick Foley ever came to WWF. And he stroked the stick better than anyone else before Dwayne Johnson even got out of the squat at the University of Miami. While his backstage antics are legendary -- especially when involving Bret Hart -- he is arguably one of the most popular WWF Superstars ever. 

Ric Flair has done it all in WCW, and he's even won the strap in the WWF. Ric may not take the high-spots that many of today's fans find to be so important, but he has defined wrestling for so many years that it is hard to comprehend. The best mic worker ever -- no question. The Rock is simply one of his disciples. 

OK, so why do I say HBK and the Naitch? Because any time these two men appear on my TV screen, I start screaming like a mark-ass bitch? Well, both men can be bastards backstage. Mick Foley's book proved it about Flair, and we all know about Shawn. Both men are supremely arrogant. But it's not simple arrogance -- it's a sort of hubris which states, "I'm the best. Come get me." And they can back it up. Both men are bump machines. Both men can work the stick like NO ONE else, incorporating originality, familiarity, and style into an interview that Terry Bollea or Steve Williams couldn't touch with a ten-foot pole. And most importantly, both could carry a wet mop to a *** 1/2 match, effortlessly. 

It's a bloody shame that we don't see more of either of these two men anymore. Michaels was regrettably injured, and no longer wrestles... or will he? We don't know. But for some reason, he just hasn't been appearing on WWF TV. Maybe because they don't have a role for him, I don't know. Flair is a sadder case. He can perform. He would perform, given the opportunity. But the "powers that be" at WCW, which every week gives me more and more reasons not to watch, don't know how to use him properly, don't know why he is so important, and waste what is in my opinion their most valuable resource. 

Shawn Michaels and Ric Flair. No one does it better. 

Cheers, 
Will Schlickenmaier 
LWN EFED 

I wouldn't mind seeing a debate between Michaels and Flair on the McLaughlin Group. Not at all.

From: Justin Farren 
Subject: Barry O is my all time favorite. 


You know why I like Barry O so much? 

Ok, first of all when he was introduced, he would correct Finkle and make him say, The FABULOUS Las Vegas, Nevada.

You'd think that the Fink would get it right after being corrected by the much larger O, but you'd be wrong.

Also, Barry O would shape his fingers together over the top of his head in the O shape. that was his name you know.
Except, it wasn't. He was Cowboy Bob Orton's younger brother, did you know that?

He could do a mean clothesline, very Bradshawesque. or is it...Bradshawish?

It was cool seeing him tag with the Hart Foundation against the Bees and Paul Orndorff, cept they just beat up Barry O alot. Plus O blew a spot with the hart forearm drop of doom.

Another thing that's cool about Barry O, is that he was in the NaNaNaNaNa song on the original Wrestling Album, video, he was wearing his brand new red ring robe, with no sleeves, and he shook his fist at the camera once.

That was rad.

I rewound it alot the first time I taped it, because I was shocked he was in there with all the guys who won alot. I think that is because there were not many wrestlers on the bad guy side, so they had to match up sides, you know? But then again, SD Jones was in the video. 

I have a match on tape where Barry O teams with Moondog Spot and they beat up Mario Mancini and Jim Londos. That was a deadly combination, O and Spot.

Also, he says that wwf officials wanted him to get all into that gay sex business, and O was like, hey I'm Barry O and I don't nibble choad all right?

Then he got blackballed from Pro Wrestling. That sucks.

That crazy Pat Patterson.

Justin Farren
http://www.crz.net/wrestling/guests/farren2.html

I remember that video well. I also remember Barry O. Thanks for the memories.

From: "Mark Belluardo"
Subject: QotW 


My favorite wrestler would have to be Edge. Do you remember what he was like around his debut in the summer of '98? The would just sit in the crowd and watch the show until his match, and come out, destroy his opponent, and leave. He never talked to anyone, and randomly attacked people for no reason. I remember once he attacked D'lo, who was the Euro champ at the time, and I hoped they would turn it into an angle in which Edge walked away with the title. Alas, I was wrong, and it just turned out to be a random act of violence. Don't you agree that Edge needs to hold a singles title for a respectable period of time? 

Edge is one of my favorite WWF superstars. When I see him buried in the midcard and not given any mike time, it breaks my heart. I hope to see him in a IC Title feud with a guy like Chris Jericho soon.

What are the odds?

From: "Matt Plunk" 
Subject: Question o'da week 


In reference to my predictions of last week (shooting) that published last week, I'm a big Keith/Keller fan, and the situation Ideal was describing was more around the Nasty Boys vs. Outsiders type deal, probably in WCW due to guys like Tank Abbot, and heat backstage.

Anyway, if someone wants to get high and mighty about "Which is the Millennium", just remember that Christian Calendar isn't the only one.

As for the question: "Favorite wrestler of all time". I'm giving one runner up and the winner himself. Andre the Giant is probably my runner up. I mean, the guy is incredibly famous, and pretty much a legend. He was horrible at times, but he was entertaining.

My favorite is probably Ric Flair. What more can you say about a guy who has wrestled for decades, also known outside of wrestling circles, has wrestled in perhaps the greatest match of all time, has and still does have fans chanting his name, and cuts promos I still find entertaining? Champions come and go, but Flair is forever.

I really should start putting my vague answers in with this letter. Ah, screw it. Next week maybe.

Andre. Now there was a great wrestler.

From: "Siedzik, Jason J" 
Subject: ?OTW 


Wow. One for one.

It's kinda funny, since the last time I had this discussion (with my roommates back at college), I couldn't remember any of the REALLY old-school guys. My memories were limited to gimmicks that coulda been decent, but just weren't, such as Papa Shango, Damian Demento (where is he now?), Doink, Bastion Booger (where's HE now?!), Nailz, Max Moon (THAT was Konnan?! You're KIDDING me!), et al. My favorite wrestler I could remember? I marked out more for Tatanka than anyone else (mostly following his year-plus winning streak), but I don't even remember Ludvig Borga. But as for the wrestler I respected the most my whole life, it's a close tie between Edge, the Hardy Boys(z), and Shawn Michaels. I didn't follow WCW until a year and a half ago, and I don't remember much about Ric Flair's WWF run. I only followed the Undertaker for his walk-across-the-rope spots, and... wait, now I'm confused. Barry Horowitz was the greatest wrestler that ever lived and he's been repressed for too long? What the hell am I talking about?

Dr. Jay, Ph.D (use this instead of my name, please... damn web-based Outlook!)

Did he actually answer the question?

From: "Mr. T"
Subject: Question of the Week 


3 weeks and counting!

Who is my favorite superstar? Easy. Owen Hart.

>From the awesome matches he had with brother Bret, to the heel team he formed with the Bulldog [I would ALWAYS mark out when I heard the old Bulldog music], to his ever-present team with Jarrett, through all the Blue Blazer, no matter what he did, he always entertained me and from 1996-on, if you'd ask me this question, he would have been your answer. 

I'm sure that you'll get this kinda answer from quite a few people, but I was a huge Owen mark since like the dawn of my wrestling fandom time [1994]. I recently rewatched WM X & XIII, and I STILL can't help myself: I LEAPED out of Bret's Shadow! WHOOOO!

Honorable Mentions: Shawn Michaels & Bret Hart [the first PPV I ever watched live was WM12], and Chris Jericho.

Mr. T
[slash] wrestling [The Official Sponsor of the World Football League]

Owen, eh? Good answer. Damn good.

That's it for the answers to the Question of the week, now onto some of my other letters.

From: Scott Stone
Subject: Half-assed confirmation attempt 

OK, I went to Ask.com and typed in "Young Champions". After wasting an awful lot of my employer's time, one of those links eventually led me to http://members.aol.com/_ht_a/specmusky/yc/ycidx.htm, which in turn made me wander through to Episode 7, where we get the quote "Yeah, sounds like a good idea." The Tigress rose as well. "Thanks for letting me crash here tonight. I'd never get any sleep back at my place with Sapphire sawing logs."
"No prob. The gossip session was worth it." Turning to her roommate, Jessica added, "Come on, Jen. It's beddy-bye-boze time again."

This was something I was passing time with at one of my nephews' house, or something, as I was baby-sitting. I think. Who the hell knows. At any rate, once it enters your synapses, it's hard not to know you've heard it before. If it's from somewhere else that predates this, fine, I concede.

Perhaps this will merit an honorary upgrade from "Moat Digger". Not that I'm necessarily complaining; hey, a title is a title...

Scott

Okay, okay, Scott. You get the promotion. Consider yourself Black Knight of Vague References. Carry the shield with pride.

From: Chris Glowacki
Subject: THE BERZERKER 


The norseman who said,"Huss,Huss!" wasn"t Warlord,it was the Berzerker!!!! Cyanindigo is either a real skank,or a guy.
Later,Chris

"A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man."-Jebodiah Springfield

_-=LANCASTER LIBRITARIAN PARTY=-_
"Making Mars Feasable"

Chris, and anyone else out there who shares this opinion, let me set the record straight one more time. CyanIndigo is not a guy and certainly not a skank. I'm getting tired of hearing this, sometimes things are what they seem.

Grow up.

From: "Stormhawk" 
Subject: Norseman identity 


The huge lumbering stiff who yelled `Huss! Huss!` was the Berserker. I remember him cause he carried a huge sword and came within inches of cutting some jobber's head off with it once. :)

Was the jobber Barry Horowitz, by any chance?

From: "Andrew Olls" 
Subject: answer to AWaywardsouls question 

<by the way, do you know who the "norseman" was from WWF in early 90's who screamed 'Huss! Huss!'? 

That was the Warlord, unless I am mistaken. Am I?> 

I believe that the "norseman" was originally called "The Viking" and then "The Berzerker". The role was played by John Nord who was last seen in WCW and released from his contract in 1999. Hope this helps. 

BTW: Was "beddy bye boze time" from a Japanese anime movie? It seems to be familiar... 

(credit me as) Badger 

I got a few letters to these ends, thanks for the correction. 

As for "beddy bye boze time," I got that from the video for Genesis' "Land of Confusion."

From: "Sam Zimmerman"
Subject: None


<"It's pronounced Fronkenshteen." (Vague Reference)>
Young Frankenstein

<He even used diabolical laughter and diabolical acting. (Vague Reference)>
Ed Wood?

<What? Why? When? Where? (Vague Reference)>
I recall Daffy Duck waking up this way one episode.

<Here's an idea, have a point. It makes things so much more interesting for the viewer! (Vague Reference)>
David Spade?

<He's more machine than man, twisted and e-vil. (Vague Reference, okay, easy one)>
Ash from Army of Darkness?

-Sam Zimmerman

Just one, Sam. You get the unflattering title of Slave of Vague References. Better luck next week.

From: "Mr. T"
Subject: Whaaa.... 


Good job on the G,B,U, man ....

"BAD: Blackman being pinned by such a rudimentary move. Since when does a swinging neckbreaker finish a match? "

I didn't tape it, but I thought Matt Hardy hit him with the Hardy-Stunner variation they have been using since Matt has been wrestling singles......can I call for instant replay to defend the Hardys? :-)

-T
[slash] wrestling - The Official Wrestling Website of Florida Orange Juice

Thanks, T. You do well yourself. 

It still looked like a simple swinging neckbreaker to me...although it was quite well delivered.

From: "Kurt B" 
Subject: CRZ says mail, and only you get any 


Hello good, bad, and ugly one. 
Love the pages (15 Printed) I read only 3 columns, and you are number 2. Don't get a big head. It has nothing to do with your rating but you put yours out after CRZ does. Then again you beat Hyatte by time, and I would read you before him anyway. 

Your vague refs are the best. I am a movie guy, and even if I don't participate I get a few but love them all. 
I have a movie line for you, and I think it would make a great vague reference. Let me know if you don’t know it. 

Him (Trips): *Crying* "Right now someone else is gazing into her eyes.." 
Her (Ivy): "If the situation is half as bad as you say it is, the only thing he is gazing into is the back of her head" 

Thanks again for the pages 

You're welcome. I do my best for you guys each week.

I have no idea what that reference is...does anyone out there know?

From: "Jonathan V. Cadle" 
Subject: None


"BAD: Why did the Dudley's try to kidnap the Ho's."

Instead of mentioning your lack of a question mark, I'll just answer your question: so they wouldn't lose the match. 
Rather than just run and get counted out, they wanted to draw the Godfather and D-Lo out for the double count-out.
Clever, huh? Too bad the announceres didn't sell it that way.

Clever? Well, maybe. Confusing? No doubt.

From: Michael Stakely 
Subject: Vague references 


>It's pronounced Fronkenshteen.

Easy, Gene Wilder as Frederick Frankenstein in Young Frankenstein by Mel Brooks. Said to a student, Eyegor, Hilda, Fraulein Blucher *whinnnnnneeeeeeyyyy*, and Mel Brooks character I think. 

>He even used diabolical laughter and diabolical acting. 

>What? Why? When? Where? 

>Here's an idea, have a point. It makes things so much more interesting for the viewer! 

I know I've heard at least two of these on MST3K and I think all three. The first one sounds like a Servo-ism, second is all three, and the third I think is either Mike or Joel but I'm leaning towards Mike...

>He's more machine than man, twisted and e-vil. 

All too easy, Alec Guiness as ObiWan Kenobi in Return of the Jedi.

Not bad, Mike. You got two of them. That makes you Dungeonsweeper of Vague References this week.

From: "Amahl Pitts" 
Subject: Vague references 


I think I got three of them:

1) Gene Wilder in "Young Frankenstein"

2) ???

3)???

4) Steve Martin in "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles"

5) Obi-One Kenobi in "Star Wars"

Three of five. Nice job. You are the Jester of Vague References for this week.

From: "Butch Rosser" 
Subject: A ? and the Two Words 

Reply Reply All Forward Delete Previous Next Close 
Wondering....could Hardcore Holly become the new IC Champ? Before you start laughing, they announced a Triple Threat match for the IC strap between the Ayatollah, Wonder #9, and the Big Shot. I was thinking she turns on him, he turns on her...somehow they cancel each other out and Holly gains the strap. Like to know what you think. Another great column as usual, though most of the references go over my community college-addled head. And as for the lovely CI, I got two words for ya!: 

cinnamon appple. 

You just watch. 

Fellow CRZite, Butch Rosser 

I think Hardcore Holly would make an excellent IC Champ. He is one of the hardest workers in the fed, and you have to admit, the guy has come a long way in the last 9 months. One question, though, would he have to rename himself Intercontinental Holly if he wins the belt?

From: "Zeb N. Olsen" 
Subject: Vague References (2nd Try) 


"It's pronounced Fronkenshteen." - Young Frankenstein, Mel Brooks' 3rd best movie.

"He's more machine than man, twisted and e-vil" - Obi Wan Jabroni, I mean Kanobi discussing Darth Vader in Star Wars.

Damn, only two again!! Anyway I thought the absolute worst thing I saw on either shows was when Funk stood there dumbfounded after both Hart and Nash proclaimed that they would take the 1 year suspension stipulation. Its not a good idea to have the heels consistently upstage the faces.

=====
Zeb N. Olsen

Two of five and extra credit for the phrase "Obi Wan Jabroni" gives you the title of Man at Arms of Vague References.

From: John_R._Nieminski
Subject: GoodBadnUgly 


Heya,
Good job once again on your GB&U for this week. I only have one problem, and maybe its just my imagination. But it seems like this week you relied very heavily on CRZ's opinions and comments to get your own over. I know you are better than that so I hope its just my imagination. If I am right though, PLEASE, go back to 100% your own opinion, I get MORE than enough of CRZ's biased opinion in his Nitro/Raw Recaps, I'd rather not see it reiterated in other people's columns.

Thanks,
John

This is a good question. First of all, since I write my column while actually watching the shows, there is no way that I could possibly be influenced by CRZ or anyone else for that matter. On the days when I tape one of the shows and finish the column on Tuesday, I deliberately refrain from reading any recaps or news bytes on the shows so that my reaction to the results will be fresh and honest.

CRZ and I may sometimes share opinions, but I assure you, I am not relying on his words to feed my work.

From: Jackyl0ff
Subject: el george steele-o 

...which is, of course...ah, screw it...

<<SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP: George "The Animal" Steele? This guy looks like he has not aged a day since the 80's.>>

I got George's autograph at a "legends" signing (is it *really* a legends signing if one of those legends is Nikolai Volkoff?) for the last WWF show at the Garden (R.I.P.) back on 13.5.1995. Strangely, the guy RIGHT in front of me said almost the exact same thing to him, and asked him if he could still "go". George said (paraphrasing) "hell no, these young kids would kill me!"...then he ripped the guy's head off and feasted on the foam within.

...no, wait, that last part didn't happen...

Wow, if he had eaten head foam, I would have marked my ass off.

From: lehr
Subject: A couple quick notes re: your column 


Nice column...got a couple comments 4 ya (no vague reference guesses, though I got the ROTJ one easy enough):

<<BAD: Blackman being pinned by such a rudimentary move. Since when does a swinging neckbreaker finish a match?>>

The variation of the 3/4 turn neckbreaker Diamond Cutter-esque thing the Hardys do was actually their original finishing move. Since that time, they've relyed more on the Senton Bomb or type of crazy flying thing, but that used to be how they would finish off their opponents on Shotgun a year ago.
:-)

<<BAD: I hope they don't make a career out of tricking each other to get a hold of the IC belt every week.>>

I think Hardcore Holly comes out on the upcoming Heat and says they should have a 3-way match for the IC belt, so hopefully that will end this feud.

<<BAD: When did the Headbangers become cross-dressers?>>

At least a month ago. Of course, that's mostly been on Jakked and Heat, so, nobody saw it. :-)

-Brian the Snorf

Thanks for the feedback, Brian. For the record, Chyna Screwed Jericho again on Smackdown to reclaim the belt. 

>SIGH<

From: Null 
Subject: http://www.CRZ.net/wrestling/guests/angelo33.html 


The pronunication of Frankenstein reference is from "Young Frankenstein" which features Gene Wilder as the descendent of the original scientist.

I saw this around the same time as "Murder By Death" which is also to be recommended.

antizeus

Yes, Murder By Death is another highly quotable film. Thanks for the letter!

From: MaximMan25 
Subject: (no subject) 


"It's pronounced Fronkenshteen." (Vague Reference) Young Frankenstien

He's more machine than man, twisted and e-vil. (Vague Reference, okay, easy one) Um....I think it was Return of the Jedi.

Two of five gets you a title. Consider yourself the Torture Device Polisher of Vague References.

From: Andrew Fitta
Subject: Stevie Ray 


After reading your report I wanted to show you this.

I can see the commercial now:
"Don't eat cereal that looks like it came from a rabbit's ass, Eat some Fruity Booties sucka."

-Fruity Booties what Stevie Ray eats for breakfast.

Hopefully CRZ was able to include the pic. Hey, I laughed.

From: DarylD. 
Subject: Holy Shit! I got it! 


Hey, Michaelangelo.

Well, I can't in good conscience share my crown with Lik D. Splyt. I mean, why not just call yourself Clitlikker or Muff_Diver. We get it-HE LIKES PUSSY! He did get three of four, though. As Fate would have it, I rented American Pie two days after mailing my guesses.

What the hell, he can have the Uses-An-Oral-Sex-Nic-Because-He's-Never-Been-With-A-Woman Crown for the week. I'll take the How-The-Fuck-Did-You-Remember-That-Goddamn-Video Crown. That's fair.

Did I just start something?

Teasing the Cyan pics, huh? Us old (28 is old compared to the average wrestling fan, isn't it?) married types would 'never' be interested in such a thing. ...

There, my wife just left the room.

Anyway, another good G,B,&U. I'll try not to let the notoriety go to my head. Oh shit. As I look at the clock...4...3...2...1..0. Yep, my Fifteen Minutes are officially over.

Double D

I don't know quite what to say about this letter...

From: "Cyan Indigo"
Subject: Just letting you know 


I read the Expansion column and I noticed someone asking who the Norseman saying "Huss! Huss!" was. 

You said the Warlord. It was the Berzerker. 

Just a teeny correction. Other than that, grand as usual. Still love you, still think you're a spicy meatball and all. Especially with the mention of whipped cream and chocolate chips.... now that's a lover's combo.... 

And I know just where to put it, too. 

Care to come take it off? 

Hm, dear painter? 

CyanIndigo 

Why do I always get a warm and fuzzy feeling when the lovely Cyan Indigo writes me? 

It must be the profession of love and her food related comments that do it.

Excuse me, cold shower time.

Okay, I'm back.

Anyway, I debated including this letter for a while and decided to run it by my readers. Check it out.

From: NAME WITHHELD
Subject: A strange proposal for you. 


This may sound odd but why should CRZ have all the imitators? There are now tons of imitators of CRZ's recap style but how come there are no "Good, Bad and Ugly" imposters? You deserve it.

With that in mind, I propose to remedy the situation by writing two new columns for slash wrestling under the name Justlikeangelo.

The first will be 'The Official Good, Bad and Ugly rip-off for Thunder" and "The Official Good, Bad and Ugly rip-off for Smackdown."

Both reports will be written in the Good, Bad and Ugly format.

Imitation is the sincerest form off flattery (and beside it saves me from having to think up my own gimmick).

What do you think? I would like to start for Tonight's Thunder and tomorrow's Smackdown.

With your approval I will e-mail CRZ to see if he is interested in the two columns.

Thanks for the consideration.

Now, this is a person who writes me a lot and he has tons of valid opinions. However, I turned down his offer.

Originally I was going to put it to you, my readers, to decide whether I'd let him use my format for Thunder and Smackdown. I changed my mind because I realized that I am still trying to establish myself as an Internet author by fully defining my style. You have to admit, it is unique.

Besides, I may actually take the plunge and do Thunder and Smackdown GBU's myself someday. What do you think? Would you read them?

Anyway, just thought I'd share. Honestly, the whole thing was rather flattering.

Question of the Week

This week's inquiry is another simple one, take a shot at it, if you will.

If you could book any two wrestlers against one another, who would you book and in what type of match?

Don't limit yourself to people that are alive, be creative!

Okay, folks, that's it for another Expansion Column. Just so you know, I will be taking next week off for reasons which will become more apparent at a later time. For now, though you can tune in mid-week for the Good, Bad, and Ugly which will be available here later this week.

I am Michaelangelo and will be for a while.

Michaelangelo
[slash] wrestling

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