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BLAH

THE EXPANSION COLUMN FOR 1/9/0

Hey folks, Michaelangelo here for another Expansion column filled with the shit you send me. Surprisingly, this concept seems to have caught on as I got a whopping 26 mail messages this week. You guys rule! I love fan mail! Keep writing, each letter justifies the time I spend cranking these articles out each week.

It's a good feeling.

For those of you who've been paying attention, you probably know that the past month or so, I've been reasonably glum. I am here to tell you that I am finally on the way to getting my shit together. Special thanks to a wonderful girl who you all know. She's taken care of me these past few months and I hope to show her my appreciation very soon.

Snootch to the nootches.

Anyway, on with the column.

It's My Column and I'll Rant if I Want To

What's the big news in the WCW today? Must be the appointment of Terry Funk as the new WCW Commish. It was no secret that the fans wanted Flair and felt slighted when the hardcore legend was trotted out in his stead. I admit to being among the Flair marks who cursed the 9:00 hour on Nitro last Monday.

Later reports on WCW Live from Terry Taylor himself have said that The Nature Boy was, in fact going to be in the Commissioner role, but changed his mind on the Friday before Nitro after having read the script's plan for the next few weeks.

Now why would he do that? Because they had him getting tuned up by the NWO for the next four weeks only to job to Nash at the next PPV?  Because he saw his best friend and enforcer Arn Anderson getting his own healthy dose of whoopass? Because he was looking at a repeat of last year's horrific NWO reunion with him taking all the bumps and the bad guys getting all the T-shirt sales?

Well, now, can you blame the guy? I certainly don't. Here's Ric Flair, a legend in the business. Over the past 12 months they had him beaten mercilessly in a corn field and left for dead, they had him committed, and turned his son into a raving lunatic. He never once said "no" to an angle.

Well, this was the last straw. As much as I miss him on television, I'm glad he took a stand and told WCW to kiss his ass. They obviously haven't learned a thing from the last year. The best ratings Nitro has seen is when Flair is out there stylin' and profilin' as only he can. So what do they do? They bury him alive and forget him for months.

Now they want him to be a punching bag for the New World Order again. 

And this time Naitch ain't biting. I couldn't be happier.

Ric, do me a favor. Go to the WWF and be a monster heel. Go toe to toe with the Rock, watch the ratings skyrocket, and show WCW what they fucked up.

Serves them right.

LETTERS

Last week's Question of the Week was:

Give me one prediction for the year 2000. What one thing do you think will happen
in any of the federations that will rock the wrestling world this year?

Lots of great answers to this one. Some are quite insightful. Give them a read. Once you're done, swing down to the bottom of the column and try your hand at this week's question.

From: "Siedzik, Jason J"
Subject: Question of the Week 


Just one? That's all?! Pick your favorite.

* Russo and Ferrerra will not make it through the year, as WCW realizes that they are not the miracle workers they expected.
* Taz(z) follows the same career trajectory (roughly) as one Paul Wight.
* Continuing the bizarre role reversal of the WWF and WCW, we get more crash TV from WCW, and the WWF loads all their PPV's with some half-hour epic main events.
* The Hardy Boys and Edge/Christian get injured, thus fucking all wrestling fans over and depriving the WWF of its best tag teams.
* No Austin or Foley after the Rumble. Michaels doesn't go anywhere, either.
* Due to the continued fuckups of WCW, it's lucky if Nitro or Thunder pull ratings that would be considered a disappointment for Sunday Night Heat, or (dare I say it) Jakked.
* Goldberg still can't save WCW.
* No one remembers Austin, since WWF fans will mark out to The Great One, despite a chronic inability to come up with new catchphrases. Ironically, he suffers from laryngitis and loses his push.
* DX turns face again because HHH is the only one who knows how to be a heel and is willing to do so.
* Eventually, the Outlaws get shitcanned when fans realize that they don't have the in-ring talent to match their mic skills.
* Jericho STILL doesn't get a WWF Title shot, but hangs on to the IC title for quite some time.
* The WWF's stock prices fall to about the same level as their ratings. Of course, that doesn't mean that the ratings stay the same...

Wow. I think that's enough. That should be a good variety. Pick your favorite.

My favorite? I like the first one...that's probably going to come to pass if the ratings don't go up by second quarter 2000.

From: MaximMan25
Subject: ? of the week. 


OK....for

WWF:Mick Foley becomes fed. champ and retires and becomes commish.

WCW:Beniot becomes the shit and wins the world title.

ECW:Most likely it will continue to grow and hell maybe TNN will actually advertise it other places and put it on a better night. I'm never home at 7 on a Friday night....damn women wanting to go out.

Josh
Wizard of Vague References
King next week. Oh...and it just means they can make more money for 2001 New Years and have kick ass parties...i mean...I'll be 21 then.

Foley as commish? Now that I like! I bet he won't take beatings from DX every single week only to lose the blowoff match between himself and HHH.

From: "Hoya Killah" 
Subject: This Week's Question... 

Oh Ye God of all things Cyan-colored... ;-) 

First of all, I really wish I could have gotten in on last week's question. Mainly because I'm an efed booker, so I have to work on character creation all the time. My personal one is an embittered ex-CIA dude who, when he gets pissed, plays "sniper-tag" in major US cities. He's in a faction called the Southern Gentlemen, which is like a Southern Mafia (with ties to the US government, La Cosa Nostra, etc.). Pretty cool, and well, it can be really fun to mess with people's heads through the creative usage of C4. Bad after Columbine? Perhaps, although I think it's done differently. But I digress... 

This week's question is excellent, IMODO. A prediction, that will rock the wrestling world. Hmmm... Well, I've got a few, mainly WCW because that's what I care about. Here goes: 

1) Vince Russo will be fired as head booker, when the ratings continue to nosedive. Ric Flair will be made head booker and begin the rebirth of WCW. The real rebirth, that is. Eric Bischoff's role, if any, will be negligible. 

2) Hulk Hogan will retire for good from pro wrestling. And mean it. He'll move into some kind of position like Gorilla Monsoon had with WWF, maybe even announcing matches once in a while. Most likely, this will be precipitated by some sort of knee or back injury suffered during his next comeback. 

3) Tony Schiavone will lose his play by play position to Scott Hudson before Russo is fired, because of the clamor from the "smarts." Hudson does a good job, and holds on to the position even when Russo is fired. 

4) Tazz will not have a major impact after his immediate arrival, because of his size problem. There is a chance this won't happen, but I'd be surprised. Pleasantly, but surprised. 

5) Mick Foley will NOT retire. 

6) Justin Credible and Rob Van Dam will both receive major-money offers from WCW and WWF. Both will consider both, but will watch the Taz situation to make their decision. Credible will more likely jump ship because of his Clique connections. 

7) CRZ will get a job with a major fed... sorry, that's a pipe dream, not a prediction... 

8) Torrie Wilson will remove her top on a WCW PPV. The barrier has already been broken. This will occur at the nadir of WCW ratings, as desperation sets in, right before Vince Russo's firing. 

9) ECW on TNN will finally draw a 2.0 share, or ECW will go to UPN when WWF goes to FOX (which it will do). 

10) WCW will make a 5.0 share, but not until Ric Flair gets the book. 

I guess I could think of some more, but my mind is going blank. Cheers, old boy. I always enjoy reading your column on /slash/ -- I look for it before I look for CRZ's own work! I just hope I can get a column someday, too... 

Will Schlickenmaier 
LWN EFED 

Wow, I really like your predictions. I hope they all come true, especially #8.

From: "Mr. T"
Subject: That There Question of the Week 


Two weeks in a row! Am I cool or what?

This weeks Question Du Jour involves a prediction for something that will rock the wrestling world in 2000. For T's answer, let's backpedal, oh, back a few years to see what 'made the cut'. 

1996- Whether you liked it or hated it, the nWo v1.0 angle set the world on fire. It put Nitro on top for 82 weeks and was the first time in over a decade anyone has ever stood the challenge of the mothership, the WWF.

1997- You can mark this one as the year of Stone Cold, you can wax poetic about the precursors to the Attitude era, but THE DAY THAT WILL LIVE IN INFAMY, THE INFAMOUS MONTREAL "SCREWJOB" from Vince to Bret turned the wrestling war on it's head. Two, nearly three years later it's STILL being talked about, and it set up one of the most UNforseen reigns of success ever for the WWF. 

1998- Some will say the onset of the Attitude Era marked the demise of wrestling as a whole. 1998 will go down, though, as the year that wrestling finally enjoyed mainstream success, the first time in the existance of the sport, that you could admit you were a wrestling fan IN PUBLIC and not be labeled as a redneck, or hick. To pick a specific, the JUMP OF SEAN "XPAC" WALTMAN, AND THE FIRST RATINGS VICTORY FOR THE WWF IN 83 WEEKS.

1999- Sorry, Powers That Be......and not glossing over the huge success of Mick Foley, the meteoric rise to megaface for the Rock, the firing of Eric Bischoff, ECW making it to TNN, or even (snicker) the founding of Wrestleline.com, OWEN HART's TRAGIC DEATH takes the #1 spot, hands down. The issues of insurance, unionization were brought to the front: the online community was in an uproar for MONTHS following, and it has caused much change in all of the Big Three. 

Looking at this, I note three distinct similarities :

#1: ALL OF THEM WERE NOT PLANNED STORIES/ANGLES. The common thread here is that all of these events are related in that a totally unforseeable development caused new direction other than the intended one. The heel turn (and the fateful words New World Order) would never have come to pass for Hulk Hogan if someone else (see #3) had not backed out of signing with WCW at the last second, leaving the leader of the invasion spot open. While one could argue that MONTREAL was premediated, who saw the WWF taking that and turning it into the hottest story in wrestling for the next TWO years? The Attitude Era, of course would not have come about without the unplanned success of the previous story. I don't think the last one needs any elaboration. The lesson here: no matter how hard the big Three try, the magic of the last five years has been mostly by accident, not design.

#2: ALL THREE WERE TIED TO THE COMPETITION. When you think about it, these huge stories all involve the influence of the competition. Not to blasphemy Owen's death in the slightest, but would the story have been as big had Bret Hart still been in the employ of the WWF? The nWo was of course played as a WWF "invasion." The Montreal business involved the controversial departure of a huge main-event star to the other side, and the Attitude era was obviously a change of pace from the 'old-school' programming still existing on the WCW side at that time. 

#3- ALL OF THEM HAVE BRET HART INVOLVED TO SOME EXTENT. Love him or hate him, Bret Hart has been at the center of the bigger stories of the last half of the '90s. Bret was supposed to be the leader of the nWo right up until he resigned with the WWF at the last minute, causing a scrambling for Plan B. The other three's ties to him are fairly obvious, so I'll move on. 

Based on this minor case study, here goes mine:

2000- Bret Hart (and the nWo) become a success for WCW, and WCW finally wins a Monday. 
Forestalling a high-profile death, or the jump of a maineventer (Austin or Rock), I think the big story will be when WCW finally catches up to the WWF. It was a fairly huge story, when the WWF toppled the WCW on St. Paddy's day with the DX reformation. Of course, it did take the jump of a Clique member (and the influence of Mike Tyson) for the WWF to retake the crown, just keep that in mind. Can WCW make the magic? Time will tell.

Well, damn. That was a column in itself. Ah well.

Take care,
Mr. T
[slash] wrestling (We Serve Milk!)

Wow, thanks for the history lesson, T. You are da' man.

From: "Wes Vansandt" 
Subject: Question of the week 


"Why are Too Cool so over? " I think it's because Rikishi is just so "PHAT" or something.

Answer:

My prediction is that WCW will continue to completely suck ass, while the WWF, under the McMahon-Helmsley's, will flourish. And then Vince will come back, turn on the Rock and Sock connection, and be the Greater Power, er, the mastermind behind the whole thing. Cause that makes sense.

Wes

Um...well...yeah...I guess...

From: "Matt Plunk"
Subject: Prediction. 


In one of the big three, there'll be a "Quasi-shoot" break out. Just the guys getting too rough, and having the referee through out a weak DQ because the guys stop cooperating.

That has happened in the past, check out the R.S.P.W. FAQ over at The Torch for examples.

From: Halkman26
Subject: Wrestling Thoughts 


Hey Michaelangelo:

Happy New Year! That is one tough question of the week you asked! In years passed there have been moments in each federation that defined the year, e.g., 1996 - the formation of the NWO. 1999 was definetely the year that saw wrestling rise to new heights. Kayfabe was broken everywhere, a broadcast "network" aired a prime-time weekly wrestling show that instantly became the number one rated show on that "network," a wrestler wrote a book that reached Number 1 on the New York Times Best Sellers list, a wrestler dying made the front page of 3 of the 4 daily newspapers in my city (New York City - home of Mookie Wilson ; ) ] which in its own cruel, sadistic way reflects the popularity of the sport (I don't care how popular NASCAR is - if a driver on their circuit dies, the sad fact is, he might get a tiny blurb buried somewhere in the sports section [excluding the South of course]), but no way does he get on the front page of the New York Daily News, the New York Post and New York Newsday. These are but a few of the examples of how dominant wrestling became in 1999. What do I think 2000 holds in store? Part of me wants to see all this mainstream success continue, but, my gut instinct tells me that the big story of 2000 will be the decline in popularity of wrestling. It has really oversaturated the market and I would not be shocked if one or more of these shows gets canceled: Thunder, Smackdown and ECW on TNN by January 2001. Wrestling always has its periods of ups followed by downs and it has been going up really fast, maybe too fast, since 1996 or so. Anyway, I hope it doesn't come to pass, but that's my fearless prediction!

By the way, I purchased the Rock's book Wednesday. Now, I thoroughly enjoyed Mick Foley's book and recommended it to many non-wrestling friends. Ugghhh, the same cannot be said for the Rock's book. I actually finished it late last night and I can unequivocally state that it is horribly written (his ghost writer needs to be fired), he does an amazingly bad job of describing the characters (i.e. family and friends) and he comes across as extremely arrogant, boastful and unlikeable. And that's as Dwayne Johnson. Don't even get me started when halfway through the book he goes into "character" to describe his pay-per-view matches. I felt I was reading a 30 page CRZ review of his "This Is Your Life" skit! Do not waste $26 on this book!!!!! If you really wanna read it, I would be more than happy to lend it (via mail) to you. It is obvious the book was written because the publisher knew anything with the Rock on it will sell. Sadly, it probably will sell decently, but any other wrestling book after this will suffer the consequences (other than a Foley sequel of course). I say this because once you read this drivell, you will think twice before spending money on another book like this. 

Halk, a/k/a The Weird Albino of Vague References

PS - Are ya proud of me? No ...ologist references this week.

Thanks for the insight on Rocky's book. I may well take you up on your offer to lend it to me. It's obviously, Duane's attempt to cash in on the well-deserved success of Foley's book. How can anyone 27 years old expect to write an autobiography? Unless you're Doogie Howzer or were in a war, there's little there of interest.

And, yes, I am proud of you.

From: Kevin Nishimine 
Subject: NonWorkersOnly 

Greetings,

I'm glad to see that your Vague References contest is really taking off; I took a short leave of absence since some friends I've pointed to this site have (correctly) observered that one's success at being the King is in direct correlation to that person's loserness. However, after seeing the last winner take the crown with a pitiful 3 out of 6, I've come out of retirement.

"Can I speak to Hugh Jass, please?" One of Bart's crank calls to Moe. I believe it was in the "Flaming Moe" episode.

"It's nearly beddy bye boze time again. " I'm guessing here, the other members of the A-team had to slip B.A. a mickey before he would get in a plane, they called it a beddy bye drink (or booze/boze???) How's that?

"She is a total MILF" MILF as in "Mother I'd Like to Fuck", I think this was used in American Pie (I've only seen it once so far), although I'm pretty sure the acronym existed before the movie. An interesting term, but don't think too much about it or it loses its effectiveness, if you know what I mean.

"Damn you DX! Damn you all to hell! AAAAAGH!" Yet another quote from Planet o' the Apes. Now THAT was a great ending.

I was surprised to see some internet reviewers give last Monday's Nitro a positive rating, since I too thought it sucked badly. As a WCW mark, I get really pissed when I see shit like that because they definitely have some wrestlers there with talent, and they choose to push non-working chumps. Although, to be fair, Golberg got injured unexpectedly, Sting's making movies, and Benoit was in Japan (Rick Steiner ought to stay there a while and learn something).

My prediction for 2000? One of the feds is going to bring in some Japanese promoters to help restructure their entire format, and we're going to consistently see 3-4 star 15 min. matches with guys who work hard, no run-ins or DQ endings, and everyone will just shut up and wrestle. Yeah, right. And all the simians will rise up and take over the world.

Rock on,

-Kevin

Welcome back, Kev. Sorry, you're not the winner this time, but in honor of your return, you are the Wandering Bard of Vague References for this week.

That was it for answers to the Question of the Week. Thanks to all who wrote in! Now, onto the rest of the mail I got this week. Give it a read.

Better yet, write me one of your own. The link's down at the bottom of the page.

From: AWaywardSoul
Subject: we don' need no steenkin' push! 


as a wrestler, I'd be rather a piecemeal one...I'd take Benoit's intensity and musculature (friggin' neck looks like it belongs on a bull), Austin's mouth, the pain tolerance of Mick Foley and Sandman combined, the wrestling background of Backlund and Hart together, I'd wear plain ol' long tights, and my theme music would be something totally incongruous, like Primus' De Anza Jig, from 'tales from the punchbowl'.

by the way, do you know who the "norseman" was from WWF in early 90's who screamed 'Huss! Huss!'?

That was the Warlord, unless I am mistaken. Am I?

From: MaximMan25
Subject: A week late


Hey,

I didn't read the question of last week til today because I wasn't in town but I gotta give you my gimmick....my buddy and I have spent time coming up with this one. It'd be for WWF. He'd be the Fratboy. He'd come out in like Abercrombie clothes to Dave Matthew's Band music. Instead of the ho's he'd have his Soroirty Sluts. The finisher could be the Keg-stand...although I have no idea what kind of move he'd use for that. Something I"m sure. Anyway, i think it'd be sweet.

josh

Sorority Sluts? Where were they when I was in college?

From: Bethebunny@webtv.net
Subject: Jesus Christ 


I mean, I get so sick of all of the anal retentive "the millennium starts in 2001" hose boys.

You know how I get people who put out that tired line? I get *MORE* anal retentive than them!

And YOU sir have earned my wrath on this subject. 

If you use the date of Christ's birth to gauge the millennium, as our system of dates does, then the actual millennium was 1996.

You see, when Pope Gregory (I forgot his Roman numeral) made the Gregorian calendar (the one we use), he used Christ's birth to measure time. He placed events as B.C. and A.D. in relation to the birth of Christ.

The only problem is that Pope Gregory screwed up on the dates! He didn't include a zero, true, BUT, he was also off by three years with 1 A.D. 1 A.D. was supposed to be 4 A.D. since Herod the Great's order to kill the firstborn males in Egypt has been verified by outside sources to have happened in 4 A.D.

SO, regardless of the cyclical accuracy of calling 2000 a new millennium, from a historical standpoint, neither 2000 NOR 2001 are the beginning of a new millennium!

In other words, let's just say it's 2000, okay?

The big event of 2000 will be when Taz(z) debuts in The WWF. He will play a major role in getting fans interested in wrestling again.

Another will be when B.B. Bush gets naked on a PPV. WWF's buyrates will skyrocket.

You know what else I've figured out? YOU are Cyan! Yes! How else would you have met "her"? How else would you know how she sings? Are you Canadian, eh?

Okay, so maybe you aren't. But, if she's really hot, I predict that CRZ will post a picture of the long-promised puppies, and his hit count will double (D).

Do I get the "Long Ass Letter of the Week" award?

Okay, okay. You win. No more millennium talk. It's already old anyway.

And, no, I am not Cyan. My breasts are not nearly as nice as hers. Yes, she really is hot, and no, CRZ will not post pics of her puppies.

But someone else may...

From: Jackyl0ff
Subject: You MISSED it 

Godsmack, Reveille, Tree, Staind, 7th Rail Crew, and one or two other bands played the Bayside Expo on NYE...so you missed it. Unfortunately, all my friends are LAZY (or were otherwise occupied), so I didn't end up going, either.

<<As far as being an asshole, I'm really not. It's just that it's a gimmick that gets a lot of people over (Hyatte, Madden, Howard Stern, Hillary Clinton) so I thought I'd try my hand. I guess I just can't pull it off.>>

Woohoo! I won! I've been declared the bigger asshole! Ye...hmm...maybe not something to celebrate...

Nah. I rule! A-S-S-H-O-L-E!

Sounds like a cool show. Maybe next time. 

Yes, you are a bigger asshole than me. Congrats!

From: Scott Stone
Subject: Take this 


OK, fine. If three out of six won last week, three out of four might do it this week.

- First one is Bart, funny as hell since that's the only one (I know of) where Moe actually found the guy. Bart with his "I really want to bail now" line was classic.

- I'm pretty sure this is Young Champions. I can't believe I actually retained that piece of information.

- No idea on the MILF. I bet I know random shit that you don't, though.

- Chucky Heston! Apes rule! Damn them all to hell!!!!

Scott Stone

From: "Nicholas C Miller"
Subject: Vague referrences 


1. "Can I speak to Hugh Jass, please?" How many times did Bart use this in the Simpsons?

2. ."It's nearly beddy bye boze time again." For some reasons the words Young Champions come to mind.

3. She is a total MILF Too easy.. this is from American Pie...... M.I.L.F. Mom I'd like to Fuck

Later
Nick

Oddly enough, both these letters claimed the "Beddy by boze time again" was from "Young Champions." It wasn't what I had in mind. In fact, I have never heard of it before. 

Since this is a strange coincidence, if anyone can send me more info on "Young Champions" maybe I'll print a retraction.

For now, both Nick and Scott are dubbed Moat Diggers of Vague References.

From: "Sam Zimmerman" 
Subject: Vague references 


<"Can I speak to Hugh Jass, please?" >

This would be the Simpsons... specifically, one of Bart's prank calls to the bar.

<It's nearly beddy bye boze time again. > Hmmm.... Sounds like something the old guy from "Later" woulda used to say.

<She is a total MILF. (Vague Reference)> Clueless?

<Damn you DX! Damn you all to hell! AAAAAGH! (Vague Reference)> Vince McMahon?

-Sam Zimmerman

Only one, Sam. Better luck next time.

From: "Buff McKenzie"
Subject: The Buffest King 


Hello Myke ol En gel O, 

Buff McKenzie here, once again proving his superhero status, and as such must once again exempt myself from competition, but I think I got all but one reference, and I got a good guess on that one.... 

Where have I been? On vacation. And since WCW decided to make my flip reports obsolete by trimming Nitro's final hour all CRZ's gonna get (until I think of ANOTHER origional idea) is my Supplemental colums. 

I know you've missed me, Mikey. 

Onward! 

#1 - Hugh Jass - Well, I thought it was Hugh JaZZ, but either way, it's from the Simpsons - Bart to Moe on the phone, and this time he actually finds a Hugh Jazz in the bathroom... 

Aside : Regarding "Slapnotes"... He also flubbed lines a few weeks back that I don't think anyone mentioned... i.e. Trying to say "Bale of Hay", he said "Hale of Bay", "Bay of Hale" and "Hay of Bale" (is that how you spell bale? or is it Bail in regards to Hay?). 

#2 - Too vague. Possibly a Gorilla Monsoon or Jesse Ventura quote? 

Aside #2 : The Buff says, The Rock's real name is spelled "Dwayne" not "Duane". 

Aside #3 : Nice call on the Mick Foley run-in. You know yer shite. 

#3 - Too easy... MILF - a MILF (in these parts anyway) is a "Mom I'd Like to Fuck" - referring to an attractive older woman 

#5 - In reference to: Planet of The Apes - Charlton Heston (don't remember which one of the movies, though, but to make up for that - he was looking at the Statue of Liberty buried in the sand...) 

Aside #4 - Congratulations was NOT reversed in that shot... the WWF cameramen were trying to be creative and shooting through the mirror, as referenced in a pan later on. (Damn my film degree! Damn it to Hell!) 

So, that's all for now. Oh... I sent Benoit a personality for X-mas... I guess he didn't get it... 
:-) 

Be like Buff, behave! 

Buff McKenzie

Wow, a letter from the Buff one. What ever did I do to deserve this one?

<grin>

Seriously, no more bad mouthing my boy Benoit or I am going to sic CyanIndigo on you. She'll kick you in the neck, she will.

From: "Guerrilla Radio"
Subject: References... 


Hmmm..lessee... 

1. "Can I speak to Hugh Jass, please?" Phhft. EASY. The Simpsons, "Flaming Moe's" episode, and the one time one of Bart's prank calls didn't work. Classic. 

2: "It's nearly beddy bye boze time again" Um..."Hamster Magic 2: Electric Bugaloo"?. I dunno. 

(Concering WCW, a word of advice: Just look at Daffney/Daphne/howeverthefuckyouspellitIjustknowitstartswitha"D"... Yum, goth chicks.) 

3: "She is a total MILF." Um....yep. I bet...*shrug* 

4: "Damn you DX! Damn you all to hell! AAAAAGH!" I know this..this isn't that vague...but..damn. I give up. 

-EverLit, who's gonna go listen to some Matthew Good Band now. 
www.geocities.com/everlit1 

"Yum, Goth chicks." That about sums it up.

From: "Matt Plunk"
Subject: Trivia 


1) Hugh Jass. One of Bart's crank calls to Moe's gone wrong. Hugh Jass actually answers! I believe this is in the Flaming Moe episode

2) No easy way out for me!

3) MILF, Mother I'd love to Fornicate...I think :). Anyway, it's from that movie "American Pie". I don't usually go for lewd humor, but it was repeated so much by friends that I've got it in my head. Like that damn "Azz" song.

4) Go with what you know I say. Homer said something remarkable similar when he made the connection between "The Planet of the Apes" and planet Earth.. Or maybe it's Jim Ross?

I agree with you anyway about WWF getting stale. If we get another one of those "Oh, DX is doing a swerve" Smackdown shows, it'll piss me off hardcore. I didn't know it was Mideon myself, but I guess I should have, seeing as how Mankind references him enough in "Have a Nice Day" and even said he impersonated him in the bit about Jake Roberts. Still hate him as a wrestler though :). Middle Aged Man was funny. It's really Mike Myers stuff that didn't get recognized that I find funny now, like Lothar of the Hill People.

2.5 right Matt (the fourth was Planet of the Apes, not necessarily Homer's take on the film). Good enough to get you the title of Horseman of Vague References.

From: jmeyers
Subject: vague references 


Can I speak to Hugh Jass, please? - Bart Simpson calling Moe's Bar 
It's nearly beddy bye boze time again. - It sounds like like something from Romper Room, or something Chris Farley would say. 
She is a total MILF(mother i'd love to fuck) - American Pie, but it might be used in an earlier movie.
Damn you DX! Damn you all to hell! AAAAAAAAGH! - Mr. Garrison from South Park.

I'm kind of mixed on Nitro, but that's because I get switching channels. I guess that's a sign of a poor show, so maybe you're right. Over on Raw, the whole show seemed to be dragged down by the fact that everybody and their brother knew the outcome. I did like Terri's tata's, though. How does the goddess stack up against those perpetually hard nipples? That's a Playboy issue I'd buy for sure. Not that ... I've...ever....oh, never mind.

Keep up the G,B, and U.

Terri's ta-ta's? That sounds like a dessert dish. Do they come with whipped cream and chocolate chips?

From: Drew Henderson
Subject: Huge Jass 


"Is there a Hugh Jass in here? Who's got a Hugh Jass?" "I'm Hugh Jass."
Hello?" "Uh... bye."

One of my favorite Simposons lines ever.

red5

Are you talking to me?

From: Matt Przybysz
Subject: Vague References 


Ok, here's my guesses for the Vague references, and, of course, they'll all be wrong, but here we go anyways

"Can I speak to Hugh Jass, please?" Umm..just a guess, but..The Simpsons?

"She is a total MILF" American Pie, Mother I'd Like to Fuck

"Damn you DX! Damn you all to hell! AAAAAGH!" That wouldn't happen to be Jim Ross, now would it? :)

Oh, and just a note I *had* to throw in. Someone at Comedy Central must read your reports. Tonight on Saturday...errr....Wednesday Night Taped, they showed a Middle Aged Man skit..woo!

Middle Aged Man rules. I like his sidekick "Drinking Buddy."

From: Michael Stakely 
Subject: Tori in the WWF 


"I guess psychosis really does wonders for her complexion."
I don't see how that's possible, he's pretty damn ugly without that mask so I don't think he could give good fashion tips.

Yeah, but he really does know how to manage a serious head of hair.

From: "Jay Evans"
Subject: OK, OK, I submit 


You are too vague even for me.... but I think I have two of four, so I figured I would respond (didn't even bother last week.....)

1. Simpsons -- good when Mr. Jass is actually at Moe's that night...
2. Nope.
3. Nope.
4. Well, Planet of the Apes ("I'm home. YOU BLEW IT UP!!!!!"), but also it was parodied by Homer in the Simpsons.

I have to say that your take on Funk is good -- but remember, for one of the few times in his career, Flair said no to an angle -- so the folks at WCW had to scramble and got Funk at the very last minute. Looking at it that way, if you insert Flair into a frenzied search for his son, it makes a bit more sense (although not necessarily good television). Hopefully the angle clutter will get weeded out some after they are settled at the next pay per view. I like to hope....

I hope so too, but as you read in my above rant, I hope Flair gives a big "screw you" to the WCW and heads over to the WWF to work with The Rock. If Benoit followed him, I'd have no reason to watch TNT on Monday nights.

From: "Zeb N. Olsen"
Subject: Vague References 


"Can I speak to Hugh Jass, please?" - From the Simpsons, Bart and Lisa prank calling Moe's, but I believe the actually got Hugh Jass on this particular call.

"Damn you all to hell! AAAAAGH!" - Charleton Heston from the Planet of the Apes.

Well, it doesn't look like I can get any of the other ones! Good column though, I enjoyed it. I had a big mark out moment when Foley interfered too :)

=====
Zeb N. Olsen

It's good to mark out now and again, regardless of how obvious a particular spot may be. We all know that when Benoit fights in a cage match, that he will give a head butt off the top of the cage. It's a given. Doesn't stop me from jumping off the couch and pumping my arms in the air, tho.

From: "George Barras" 
Subject: cyanindigo 


Hello there!
I am a regular reader of your column and I hear about cyanindigo all of the time but I don't actually know who you are talking about. I would appreciate it if you could send me a picture of her please.

Keep up doing the column and don't let the bad standard get you down because you still keep people amused when they read it.

Regards
A fan
Mark Barras

CyanIndigo is another [slash] columnist. Her weekly take on the wrestling world, and her own sexuality, appears right here regularly. 

Many have asked to see her godessness, but as yet, none have been given the honor, save one.

All in due time, my friends. Things are brewing for early next month and you may just get your wish, if you can be patient a bit longer...

<grin>

Question of the Week

Let me give you guys another simple one this week to see if I can get a record number of answers.

Who is your favorite all time wrestler, and why?

If you don't have an answer to this one, you shouldn't be a wrestling fan! Give me all you got! Send responses to Michaelangelo70@hotmail.com. What are you waiting for?

Thanks for tuning in this week. Be sure to check out my Good, Bad, and Ugly which should be up sometime around Wednesday or so. Until then, I love each and every one of you.

Platonically.

I am Michaelangelo and will be for a while.

Michaelangelo
[slash] wrestling

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