Greetings and salutations, folks. Michaelangelo here to tell you that the Y2K bug is a pussy. Looks like we all managed to kick its ass. Yep. No rapture, no computer crashes, no natural disasters.

Dammit.

Anyway, let's move things right along here. First, let's talk Vague References. This week's King is Patrick McDaniel (No relation to Wahoo), who got three of six and was the first person to e-mail them to me. Here is his throne-winning letter:

From: "patrick mcdaniel" 
Subject: vague references 

"something stinks in suburbia"-can't buy me love...a true classic 

"fly around the world..."superman 

"flames..."clue...madeline kahn(rip)...one of my favorites as well 

good work!, 
patrick 

Good work, yourself there, Patrick. Wear the crown proudly.

The ones he missed:

BAD: The NWO vandalizing a car. What are they, street punks or badasses? Ooooh! Scary scary, don't we look mean.

FUNNY: The masked man beating on Chavo and doing that "look around like a villain" move before dashing away. It reminded me of, "Are you looking at my gut? I'm working on it!"

BAD: Schiavone making a fuss about Vito's cheese sandwich. Let it go. How do you make a jam sandwich? take two pieces of bread and jam them together!

The first is from the incredibly funny film Eric the Viking. The second is a reference to Mike Meyers' Saturday Night Live Superhero, Middle Aged Man. The last is from the film Bachelor Party. Tough ones, I know, but that's what you get when you write to me and say that they are too easy.

For those of you who aspire to achieve what Mr. McDaniel has done this week, looks for Vague References peppered through this week's column and send your guesses off to michaelangelo70@hotmail.com. Also, don't forget to swing over to this week's Expansion Column to read more letters and take a crack at my Question of the Week. You'll be glad you did!

Without further ado, I give you the first edition of G, B, & U for the year 2000.

The Good, Bad, and Ugly for January 3, 2000

WCW NITRO

GOOD: I hear that there will be a new sheriff in town. Yes, we all expect it to be Ric Flair, and I am here to tell you, it damned well better be. If they swerve us just to fool the Internet smarts and end up appointing some moron like Hogan instead, expect me to be WAY pissed off.

GOOD: The show is only 2 hours long starting tonight. I can be done with my reports by midnight now. Thank God.

BAD: How can Brad Armstrong stand to continue to do that stupid ass Buzzkill routine? It's embarrassing. Does he realize how foolish it really is?

GOOD: Leia Meow. I can't hate the Varsity Club as long as she leads the boys out.

BETTER: She has a trampoline! Oh GOD. What makes a good thing even better?

BAD: She isn't jumping nearly high enough. 

GOOD: I forgive her.

BAD: Rotunda giving the crowd the cheap heel heat routine by insulting a local college athletics department. That's never impressive. Take lessons from Scott Steiner on heel tactics, IRS.

BAD: The bullshit story about Steiner not being there because he egged a professor's house. What college does he go to, Geriatric University?

BAD: Buzzkill loses his weave again. Staple that sumbitch down, will you?

GOOD: Standards and Practices out to try and cover up Leia. This is good because we get to see Skye in her short skirt.

BAD: The camera is way out of position, so we miss most of it.

BAD: Oh, her name isn't Skye anymore. Her name is Miss Hancock. Oh please. That's worse than Barbara Bush. That's like, middle school naming convention. "Can I speak to Hugh Jass, please?" (Vague Reference)

I WONDER: How they are going transition Standards and Practices into the ring. How do two corporate censors become wrestlers?

GOOD: The Harris Boys win...at least one real tag team has moved on to the next round.

BAD: The production value during the backstage shots of the NWO. We see the boom mic and Steiner looks distracted and flubs his lines.

GOOD: Nash makes fun of Tom Zenk. I haven't heard that name in ten years.

BAD: The lame attack by Sid on Hart. It looked weak. Sid barely touched Brett and to make it worse, it showed.

GOOD: The NWO beating up the EMT's. That's a heelish thing to do. That's the way to do it.

GOOD: DDP not wanting to wrestle until he gets a match with Bagwell and sticking to it. 

BETTER: He's gonna go tune on PG-13.

BAD: PG-13. What the fuck are these guys supposed to be, anyway? Wrestling jesters? What the hell is their name all about anyway?

WORSE: Heenan on PG-13: "I like these guys. They have charisma." Oh Bobby, when did we lose you?

CONFUSING: DDP is getting a face pop by taking out PG-13. Frankly, the man should be a face these days anyway. The way I see it the feud with Bagwell puts DDP in the role of the husband defending his wife's honor from a scumbag player trying to pick up on her. Buff should be the heel since he's causing marital unrest, right? Well, DDP is generally the heel to Bagwell's face. How does that work? The lines are blurred...can't focus...mind slipping...

BAD: The music gets all convoluted. First we get the Wolfpack theme, then we get the NWO theme with DDP's theme played over it. They should have these production issues fixed by now.

GOOD: Slick moves having Nash and Pump pick up a gimme victory. Pump is not 100% and this is a way he can avoid triple duty in the ring tonight. Come on, we know these guys will be in the last match.

GOOD: Speculation on who the commish will be. They have been throwing names out over the past 30 minutes, but Flair's name has not been mentioned. Good.

BAD: FUCK! Schiavone just said it. That means it ain't him. Crap!

GOOD: Brett in full-on pissed heel mode. 

GOOD:  The NWO getting major heel heat.

BAD: Jarrett screws up his own catchphrase. Slapnotes?

BAD: Benoit is in Japan tonight? Shit.

GOOD: Nash on WCW appointing a new commissioner: "For what? To make rules we're gonna break?"

GREAT: Big Papa Pump cuts one of his world famous promos about how the crowd is a bunch of "gas pumping, tobacco chewing, inbred white trash." I missed that.

BAD: Sid Vicious is the only face in the house? Oh Jesus. This is gonna be a rough night for the good guys.

BAD: Is the whole night going to consist of bad tag team matches?

WORSE: It's shaping up that way.

GOOD: I have gotten into the group of David, Daffnee, and Devon Storm. Goth chicks are cool. Devon Storm is cool. David Flair is...er...Ric Flair's son.

BAD: Am I the only one who is tired of the Midnight entrance? It's redundant now. She just shows up and stands there like a goof.

STUPID: Lash falling over when Midnight "startles" him by appearing in the ring.

BAD: Stevie Ray at the commentary table. He's about as articulate as a fichus.

GOOD: Heenan on Midnight: "That's not Midnight, that's all day long."

BAD: Oh my overbooked mess. We got Stevie Ray, Booker T., and Midnight outside the ring, Disco and his goombas inside the ring and about three different angles playing out. What the fuck was that? Some people might call it a clusterfuck. I am one of those people.

GOOD: The spike DDT by Big Vito. Wow. Gangrel couldn't have done it better.

BAD: Luger still dressing up as Sting. It's still hard to look at this guy.

GOOD: Angle consistency with Lash confronting Disco about his betrayal.

BAD: We can see where this Luger segment is going. He's gonna make fun of Sting, the lights will go out, and there will be a symbol of death on the ground by his feet.

GOOD: Abbot is wearing a shirt and jeans...I was hoping to say no to crack this week. Thanks goodness.

BAD: I have little to no interest in this match.

WORSE: They still managed to piss me off with the match's finish. Abbott gets maced, Luger gets DQ'ed, and Flynn comes in the ring to beat on Abbott. Bleah.

GOOD: The crow waiting for Luger over the arena entrance. Yeah, it's been done before, but who cares? The Crow is cool.

GOOD: Luger's cowardly heel act hiding behind Liz when he sees the bird.

BAD: They are going to announce Hogan as the new Commissioner...

ON THE FENCE: Terry Funk as the new commissioner. On the one hand, it sure as hell swerved me and he is a cool guy. On the other hand, I still want Flair out there...and how many of these fans really know what Funk is/was all about?

I WONDER...what Foley thinks about this.

I HOPE...that the Charlotte crowd gets to see Flair tonight.

GOOD: The Professor on Funk: "Terry Funk was hardcore before hardcore was old." Well said.

GOOD: Arn is back. If I can't have Flair, I'll take Anderson...for now.

GOOD: The crowd chanting "We Want Flair." 
              So Do I. 
              So Do I.
              So Do I

GOOD: Funk on the NWO: "I am middle aged and crazy and am going to see to it that you get screwed."

GOOD: If the NWO is threatening David Flair...what are the odds that Ric might show to help his son?

BAD: Probably just wishful thinking.

BAD: Arn insisting that he handle the David Flair situation on his own. Is he stupid? That's the kind of talk that will get your ass beaten badly.

GOOD: Is it me or are Kanyon's babes better looking than the Godfather's Ho's? 

UGLY: I thought I'd seen enough of those stupid "2000" glasses. Thanks for raiding Times Square's trash, Kanyon.

BAD: Kanyon saying that Buff's movies sucked. He may be right plotwise, but there's nothing bad about Julie Strain in a hot tub while Shae Marks runs topless down the beach with an M-16.

GOOD: Nice bottle shot on Kanyon by Bagwell. 

BAD: Haven't they learned that shards of candy glass in the ring is a dangerous proposition for guys without shirts rolling around?

UGH: Smiley dressed as a mascot. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

BAD: This match is a farce. Pirandello might well have scripted it.

GOOD: I managed to squeak in a reference to the author of Six Characters in Search of an Author. That's your dose of culture for the week.

GOOD: Teasing Asya's breakoff from the Revolution. I hear it's happening...although I smell a swerve. I am going to go out on a limb here and say the whole thing is a work. Asya isn't leaving the Revolution at all and they are going to screw Duggan.

INTERESTING: Smackdown Tuesday, January 18 in Providence, RI, includes Stone Cold in the teaser ad.

INTRIGUING (NOT): The NWO and the new commish looking for David in tandem. Who will find him first?

BAD: The only tag team match that I wanted to see was The NWO versus the Harris Boys and the fucking thing was over in 30 seconds with a screwjob ending.

GOOD: Daffnee being kidnapped by Jarrett. Even I didn't see that coming. I must be getting tired...well it is 1:06 a.m. Yep. That must be it. It's nearly beddy bye boze time again. (That Reference is so Vague, everyone who identifies it automatically get a crown, scout's honor.)

GOOD: The huge bump Kanyon took when Bam Bam through him off the stage through a table.

BAD: The camera angle sucked.

GOOD: Vamp as Buff's partner! Yeah. Would they ever grace us and allow these two to take the tag belts?

BAD: CRZ will grow hot dogs out of his back before that happens. (What the HELL does THAT mean? - CRZ)

GOOD: Arn trying to talk to David and getting nothing but maniacal laughter. It's so ridiculous, it's actually funny.

GOOD: Funk kicking a little ass.

BAD: The ass he kicked was Vampiro's.

WORSE: Buff Blockbusters Vamp for the loss.

GOD AWFUL: We have, for our main event, Kevin Nash and the non-wrestling Steiner versus David Flair and Crowbar? Christ.

AS HARD AS I TRY I JUST CAN'T CARE: The search for Daffnee continues backstage. David is squealing like a hog and throwing shit all over the place. I seem to recall similar storylines with Kimberly and Torrie Wilson. 

GOOD: If this is building to Ric Flair's return, I will forgive all...otherwise, God help the WCW.

BAD: A powerbomb match between Vicious and Jarrett. Sounds a bit like that Nitro when HHH had to beat the Big Show in a "Chokeslam Match." Remember who won that one? I bet you a million dollars that this one will not end with the good guy winning.

BAD: Oh, ref bump. What a shock.

BAD: Oh, interference, what a shock.

GOOD: If Sid doesn't win the US Title, Benoit can win it at Souled Out.

BAD: Is it me or have the same ten guys come out here throughout the night?

GOOD: Steiner jawing with the ringside fans. If he ain't gonna wrestle, he may as well entertain.

BAD: They had better not give the NWO the belts, 1/2 the team can't even fight.

GOOD: They didn't get the belts.

BAD: David Flair again has a title.

BAD: The good guys still lose.  Funk gets jacknifed and Anderson gets kidnapped. 

TERRIBLE: No Ric Flair. Fuck you WCW.

OVERALL: The bad guys win...again. We got the same guys paraded out over and over again, you could count the clean finishes on one hand and have a slew of fingers left over, and David Flair won a title belt in the main event. The matches were lousy and the angle development was worthless. This was a horrible show, hands down. By far the worst thing Russo and Ferrara have cranked out since they signed with WCW.

WWF RAW

GOOD: Send the hometown boy out as soon as the clock strikes nine. What a way to get the crowd jacked.

BAD: What the hell is with that jacket? It looks like something in my grandmother's closet.

GOOD: The Rock altering his catchphrase. "Finally the Rock has come back...home." Good touch.

GOOD: Duane has to love the control he has over the audience. It's nothing short of amazing.

GOOD: Rock starting to break character with a smile...but recovering.

IDEA: Why not have the Rock put his career on the line to get Mick reinstated? That might be cool.

BAD: For some reason Stef's attempts to look like a slut really seem forced...methinks she's overpouting.

GOOD: HHH validates my comment about Rocky's jacket! He's channeling me!

BAD: HHH and Show...again? Jesus. I bet that Wight ain't gonna get the win this evening.

BAD: Another "you're fired" match. Jesus Christ. This shit is getting old. When the hell are the faces going to get their revenge?

BAD: Sign: "Who's getting fired tonight?" That's gotta be a plant.

BAD: What a surprise. DX are Rocky's opponents. *Yawn* Oh, hey, a 3 on one beatdown, I didn't see that coming!

MY THEORY: This is the Rock's hometown. He isn't going to lose this match. If anyone else tries to interfere, they will be fired. Who's the one man who has already been fired? That's right. We'll see Mrs. Foley's baby boy this evening.

BAD: The opening segment took 20 minutes.

I WONDER: Why are Too Cool so over? When did that happen? Who knew that Rikishi, Taylor, and Christopher could get the crowd on their side so effectively just by dancing after each match?

BAD: Every time I see the Mean Street Posse, I recall a comment that Disco Inferno made on WCW Live a few weeks back. He said that the WWF's roster was so thin that Vince had to not only include his whole family in storylines but he also hired all his son's friends to be wrestlers. It's frighteningly true.

BAD: Isn't it time to repackage Joey Abs? If I were him, I'd be sick of wrestling in that fucking sweater vest.

GOOD: This match. It may have been a tad overbooked, and it ended lousy, but most of the action was watchable.

GOOD: The Acolytes getting nasty. I liked Farouk saying that they could kick the Posse's ass with one hand tied behind his back.

BAD: I knew a gimmick match was going to be made the minute he said it. Yep, there it is.

GOOD: HHH still after Kurt Angle.

BAD: He told Blackman that if he "hits Kane with the Kendo stick, he's fired." Bit short sighted, since we all know that The Lethal weapon carries many different tools of destruction in his bag of tricks. I forsee Kane getting clocked with a set of chucks. 

WORSE: Kane is going to job to Angle tonight. What happened to the Big Red Machine's main event push?

QUESTION: No backstage shit with Torri freaking out again? Is this angle moving forward? I guess not.

BAD: Angle says that Kane does not speak. Has he been watching lately? Kane has been talking up a storm! Last week he said "AAAUUUGH!" And "MAAAAKE THE MAAAAATCH!!!!"

GOOD: Torrie looking hot. I guess psychosis really does wonders for her complexion.

OH YEAH: And she has huge breasts too.

BUT: Not nicer than CyanIndigo's.

GOOD: They had Blackman clock Angle with the stick! Good stuff! Great going! Kane doesn't lie down and Angle stays undefeated. It was way better than my theory.

BETTER: We got to see Angle get laid out too.

GOOD: The pop that Jericho got when Stephanie mentioned his name.

I BET: She's gonna make the refs fight it out over who the champion is. That would be cool.

WHAT WOULD BE BETTER: Is if we get a rematch between Jericho and Chyna right now.

BAD: I doubt that will happen tonight.

INTERESTING: A joint championship? This could go places or completely tank.

GOOD: I have faith.

GOOD: Chyna looks good in the ring. Even Jericho said that she's a fine competitor.

QUESTION: Does that mean that he's officially a face?

GOOD: Crash and Hardcore going at it after the match. I never get tired of their antics.

BAD: Did I just use the term "antics"?

I COULD CARE LESS: The Bossman is back. Why can't he retire?

GOOD: Show scaring the bejeezus out of Michael Cole. You be that badass, Paul.

BAD: Why is the champ out first?

GOOD: Show taunting DX with "C'mon you pussies, come down here."

GOOD: HHH breaking the count by rolling in and out of the ring. That's old school right there.

GREAT: This match. These two put on an incredible show. I don't know who deserves the credit, so let's say both these men should be commended.

BAD: They took the belt off Show. I guess we couldn't expect HHH to lose the same match two weeks in a row.

AN OBSERVATION: Funny how they had that confetti and those green and black balloons ready for the celebration, isn't it?

SUGGESTION: How about giving poor Test a chance at redemption? Aren't you tired of him getting his ass kicked all the time too?

WELL SHIT: Moolah and Mae Young are Test's partners? What the hell?

UGLY: Mae Young doing the Bronco Buster. That shit ain't cool, no how, no way.

BAD: Bossman stepped on Moolah's face! That didn't look planned.

BAD: Test jobs again. What else is new?

FUNNY: Moolah carrying Harvey Whippleman out of the ring. Okay, I laughed...a little.

BAD: Taking the belt off The Big Show just when he was getting over. Why does HHH need the gold? He's one of the most over guys in the WWF. Ah, well, maybe I'm not supposed to understand.

NO COMMENT: Each of the Acolytes fighting with one of their hands tied behind their back.

GOOD: Bradshaw takes a stiff chair shot from Buh Buh Ray. Wow,

BAD: JR using his old staple phrase, "What else can happen here tonight?"

IT'S KIND OF WEIRD: To be watching the last hour of RAW and not be able to switch over to Nitro during the commercials.

FUNNY: The Mankind spoof movie. Whoever was doing Mankind was spot on. Who was it? It's hard to tell.

GOOD: Harry Sacks on Mankind: "You're a muppet, You walk around all day with a sock on your hand telling stupid jokes."

GOOD: Terri's choice of attire this evening. (Hit the malls CyanIndigo.) She is a total MILF. (Vague Reference)

GOOD: Jeff Hardy versus Al Snow in a steel cage. Two good workers in a great environment. I have high hopes.

WHY? What's with Al throwing Terri into the cage?

YEOWCH! Matt getting his fingers smacked by Al Snow's chairshot.

WOW! Al Snow with a fucked up neckbreaker off the top of the cage on Jeff! Holy Shit! That looked dangerous.

QUESTION: Why doesn't Terri climb out of the cage? She had plenty of time.

I HATE MYSELF: For laughing at this Have a Bad Day stuff. Damn you DX! Damn you all to hell! AAAAAGH! (Vague Reference)

BAD: They reversed the shot of DX in the dressing room. The "Congratulations" banner is backwards? What the hell is that about?

IS THAT? Mideon as Mankind? Hmmm...who'd a thunk it?

OHHHH! The shot of DX was done in a mirror. I see. Well...why?

ON THE FENCE: Rock attacking DX. It was okay, but he ran away...that's kind of uncharacteristic of Rocky.

GOOD: The crowd's "X-Pac sucks" chant. Florida is cool.

QUESTION: If Stephanie and HHH want the Rock fired, why don't they just FIRE HIM?

BORING: This match. Seems like they were just wasting time until the inevitable run-in.

GOOD: I knew it was coming, I predicted it at the start of the show, but Foley's run-in and Rock's win caused no small markout moment in my house.

OVERALL: Another so-so show. The biggest issue I have is the fact that Stephanie and HHH are still running roughshod over the WWF. There has been no mention of Vince or Shane for weeks. Frankly, I'm getting bored with the same shit shoveled onto Monday and Thursday nights each week. I certainly hope this doesn't continue until Royal Rumble or I may have nothing new to say next Monday.

Well, not a good week to be a wrestling fan. I am so depressed, I can hardly even stand to keep writing. I think I'll stop now.

I think I need a hug.

Questions? Comments? Cyanide? Write me at michaelangelo70@hotmail.com.

I am Michaelangelo and will be for a while.