Yo, yo, yo. It's Michaelangelo kicking some sort of stuff for you all here now at this time.

I just can't grasp Ebonics. I'm way lame.

Okay, so here's the deal. The G, B, & U is back after a one week hiatus due to live show attendance. Did you miss me? You did! Well, write to me and tell me how much. Letters rule.

Not only has everyone's favorite James-Joycian recap back, but so are the Vague References. In case you forgot, peppered throughout my column here are various pop culture quotes that you are charged to identify. The person who gets the most right is named King or Queen of Vague References for the week.

Are you a big enough loser to take the crown? Send your answers to michaelangelo70@hotmail.com.

Now, without further ado, on to:

The Good, Bad, and Ugly for December 13, 1999

WCW NITRO

GOOD: Jump right into mega heel-ism as Jarrett beats on someone backstage

BAD: He's beating on Benoit!

GOOD: Benoit comes back! Kick his ass Crippler!

BAD: Benoit's choice of wardrobe. My Brother in Law: "It's a puffy shirt."

BAD: The Artist Formerly Known as Prince Iaukea. If I have to go into detail as to why this gimmick sucks lots of ass, I may as well just go back to writing about Apple Festivals.

BAD: He's fighting "The Maestro?" Did someone give Nash the Booking sheets again? Is this the battle of the bad musical gimmicks?

GOOD: Symphony and Paisley. Hot ladies. Have them fight! They're already in evening gowns, that's half the battle right there. Whoo! 

GOOD: Heenan on bubbles in the ring: "Lawrence must be here." Schiavone: "Welk, you mean." Heenan: "No, of Arabia."

BAD: Prince is also wearing a variation on the "puffy shirt." Who the hell does the wardrobe for WCW? Omar Sharif?

GOOD: Jarrett with the double guitar shot. I just wish he'd done it before the match took place.

GOOD: Booking. Meng vs. Tank Abbott and Jarrett vs. Benoit. 

GOOD: About time Evan Kariagas realized that Madusa is twice his age and that he's got hot babes like the Nitro Girls walking around looking all sexy. Look closely at Madusa. She is, as my sister would say, "used up."

GOOD: He chose Spice to start getting close to. As long as the punk stays away from Chae. She's saving herself for me.

NOT SURE HOW I FEEL: Spice will probably be booked against Madusa tonight. Madusa's ring work is good, but Spice? She's horrible.

GOOD: Brett's promise that Goldberg will not beat him. He delivered it with style and grace. I just love this guy on the stick.

INTERESTING: Were those boos I heard?

BAD: Goldberg still has security. CyanIndigo once commented that, if he's so tough, why does he need all that security? Good point, sweets. My Brother in Law: "He has more security than fuckin' Hillary." (Hillary Clinton is in town this week.)

GOOD: Goldie responding to Brett's comments. I bet he and the Hitman have been working on interviewing skills.

GOOD: Right on cue, here come the Outsiders. I liked the way Hall asked Nash what his line was. "Hey yo."

GOOD: Hall on Goldberg and Nash: "Before you two get into a pinch fight..."

BAD: Gene with his new "lecherous" attitude. I wonder if he likes acting like a dirty old man. Don't bother answering that one, I think I laready know.

BAD: Did you ever notice that Madusa ends every interview with "...that's it, I've had it."?

GOOD: Piper as the crazy guy. If he can't wrestle like he used to, he can at least work the mic like it's 1985. 

BAD: The rumors of a return of Piper's Pit seem to have died down. Damn. That shit would be gold!

GOOD: Luger. He's cool. I didn't like the direction his character went in initially, but I like it now.

GOOD: David Flair. He cracks me up. I just hope there is a reason for the insane behavior.

WHAT THE HELL: Spice has her own music now? I guess that means that she's gonna do some serious ring work.

GOOD FOR US, BAD FOR HER: Spice wrestling in a miniskirt. Not very smart choice of attire. And don't get me started on those shoes.

WHAT? Spice beat Madusa?

GOOD: Finally, Madusa and Evan split up. It's about time.

GREAT: These salt and vinegar potato chips I am eating are way strong! I love them like this. I can actually feel my mouth losing layers of skin!

GOOD: Is it me, or is Duggan over? 

COME ON: Has anyone not yet guessed his "mystery partners" for Starrcade? Two words, Harlem Heat.

GOOD: Hacksaw's interview. He whips the crowd into a frenzy. The guy is so intense. I just love it. Love him or hate him, Russo has been giving the spotlight to guys who can deliver on the microphone.

BAD: They'd better get to the bottom of the mystery of who is nailing people in the dark. If they drop this like the fucking "Hummer driver" or the "briefcase raiser," I will kick ass and take names.

BAD: Hennig and Bagwell...again?

QUESTION: Are the other refs jealous that Piper is the only WCW official with his own theme music?

I JUST THOUGHT OF THIS AND IT'S FUNNY: I think I'll call Bagwell, H.R. Buffanstuff. Ha!

BAD: I think I may be the only one who thinks that it's funny.

GOOD: Piper introducing the match with the rules of the ring. If anyone can make this lame ass referee angle work, it's Roddy.

GOOD: I just can't look at Buff without remembering that he played "Warrior" in two Andy Sidaris Molokai movies. I believe it was Return to Savage Beach where Buffanstuff had a hot love scene with Julie Strain. Anyone but me remember that one?

BAD: Buzzkill. If you're gonna use this guy, use him. How can he get over when he isn't doing anything. 

BAD: Speaking of which, the whole idea of him stealing his brother's gimmick is kind of lame. I mean, for smarts, it may be okay, but most of the younger and less connected crowd will miss the joke. Besides, "You are all individuals!" "I'm not." (There's your first Vague Reference.)

BAD: No instant replay on the end of this match. There should always be a replay. Always.

BAD: Piper helping Buff? Didn't Roddy turn on Bagwell to join Flair as VP of WCW a while back? Don't trust him, Buffanstuff!

UGLY: Benoit's neck. It's thicker than his head. Yeesh. I bet he has a hard time picking out turtlenecks in his size.

GOOD: The addition of the words "Silent but violent" to Benoit's theme song. It adds more of an element of recognition to his theme.

GREAT: Benoit. The guy is just so cool. I am such a fucking mark for this guy. His legs are like tree trunks, his arms are like rocks. When I grow up, I want to be The Crippler. I will dedicate my life to getting this guy over. Maybe I'll use subliminal messages.

GOOD: This match. These two guys Benoit is God put on a great show. Lots of great bumps.

GOOD: Dustin Rhodes giving the bionic you must like Benoit elbow to Jarrett. Did anyone else see his dad do the same thing to Steve Corino on TNN Friday night?

GREAT: The pop Benoit got when he pulled the thumb across the throat. They were screaming!

GOOD, BUT BAD: The bump Benoit took off the ladder. I wanted to see the headbutt, but I suppose that since the whole thing was designed to further the Rhodes/Jarrett angle, I can forgive it.

GOOD: Piper and the beat down. Piper's cool. When is he going to get some help, I wonder.

BAD: Tank Abbott. He sucks ass. He wasn't over before, why would he be over now? Look at him! He looks like he ate one too many Twinkies this weekend.

GOOD: He's fighting Meng. Hopefully he'll lose.

BAD: Schiavone describing Abbott as "one of the greatest punchers in all of sports." OK, forget about Mike Tyson, Sugar Ray Leonard, Muhammad Ali, and Sean Penn.

HORRIBLE: Double countout! What a bunch of crap! The crowd's response to that ruling was spot on. Booo!

GOOD: Kanyon is back! Woo! And he's got some new arm candy too!

INTERESTING: The fight between Abbott and Meng is still going on. Okay, I can dig it.

THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO "JESUS!": David Flair and a headless plush animal? What the fuck?

GOOD: Shane Douglas and the Revolution's tirade against America. These guys are getting cooler every week.

GOOD: Saturn and Malenko versus Harlem Heat. I am liking it wholly.

BAD: Why doesn't Midnight walk to the ring with the guys?

BAD: Midnight looks much more attractive with her hair down. I can't get into that fluffy ponytail thing.

GOOD: She seems to hold her own against the Revolution. 

GREAT: Shane joining the commentary team. Any other wrestlers that sit in with Tony and Bobby from time to time should listen this man's color commentary. He knows how to make it interesting.

WHAT? Why did Booker steal a tag from Midnight? 

QUESTION: What the hell happened to her leg? She screamed the moment she did that split in the air.

BAD: This Crash TV shit is really exhausting. In 2 minutes we got Luger and Flair, Piper challenging Henning to a chair match, Bertha Faye, Kanyon's agent, Chavo, and Tank and Meng still fighting. I am too tired to even comment on all this shit. These shows have to suck for people watching them live. Everything happens backstage.

WOW: Mr #1derful Paul Orndorff is in the house!

UGLY: His gut. Yegads.

GOOD: Call it a guilty pleasure, but when Bertha squatted on the Nitro Girls performance, I chuckled. Besides, those girls are hot and I can't remember the last time they danced in the ring.

I DON'T CARE...about Fit Finley and Brian Knobbs. They'd better get to the point quick on that shit.

BAD: Another Block fight. Is it me or does Tank Abbot not know how to sell a single punch?

I DON'T KNOW: They're putting Orndorff back in the ring? Well, chalk another one up for "Team Old." I suspect the payoff here will be quite good, if they actually deliver.

GOOD: I assume that Seth's presence is part of some sort of charitable movement. Kudos WCW.

BAD: Fuck Oklahoma. After last week, I no longer like this guy or his angle. Fuck you Ferrara. Get the fuck off my television.

BAD: This match. It's slow, sluggish, and boring.

GOOD: Two things saved it, a chokeslam for Oklahoma and the Outsiders run-in.

GOOD: Sid selling an injury after the beat down. He proved he can.

GOOD: Sting attacking Page during their match. Why would he want to team with DDP in any way? He wouldn't, that's the point.

BAD: How is it possible for Liz to take the crowbar out of Luger's hand? I bet if I held it tight enough she couldn't get it away from me.

GOOD: Although again, a bit overbooked, but a good ending.

QUESTION: Is it me, or is Liz looking pretty damned hot these days?

ON THE FENCE: Kanyon's new gimmick. I suppose he can pull it off...We'll have to wait and see.

GOOD: They threw him into a decent feud right off the bat. 

INTERESTING: Bammer turning face in the wake of a sneak attack by Kanyon. 

GOOD: Bam Bam and Kanyon put on a good match out there with a clean finish.

BAD: No explanation as to why DDP and Bam Bam are no longer hanging together.

GOOD: Norman Smiley hiding from Meng. It's slapstick. Funny. Come on! It's entertaining. Ah, forget it.

BAD: Ah shit, the two Italian scallions are back. Tell me this angle is almost done.

PERHAPS HE SHOULD SEEK THERAPY: Piper seems to frequently talk to people that aren't there.

COOL: Lash on the stick in his territory.

BAD: How did Big Vito kick out of a Whiplash at one after taking a chair shot, but still be weak enough to get put in the body bag? Maybe it's me, but I don't get the logic there.

GOOD: Finally Vito and Johnny manage to one-up Disco and Lash. It's about time.

BAD: I spoke too soon. They forgot their car and it looks like Lash is getting away.

GOOD: Paul Ordorff. He was in the main event of the very first Wrestlemania. Now that's impressive.

BAD: Now, stay with me here. If Orndorff is fired, why does he have to work this match? Wouldn't he just walk? Why take on two gigantic guys in a handicapped match?

GOOD: Mr. Wonderful kicking it old school style. He's still got it.

GOOD: Lengendary Larry and Old Arn coming out to help Orndorff steal a win. 

BAD: Another Dusty finish as they reverse the ruling. Again.

BAD: Why was Smiley in the body bag? He thought that would be a good place to hide from Meng? Um, no. I can't go along with that! I can think of about 100 places that I would hide before I got inside a fucking body bag!

BAD: The chair match. These days, to impress the fans with chair shots, they have to be brutal, otherwise it just looks lame. This looked lame.

NO OPINION: Hart getting attacked before the main event. They have been hyping this match all night, so they'd better deliver. Deep down I get the feeling these are the seeds of Hart's heel turn being sown now.

GOOD: This match, even without Hart, Goldie and the Outsiders managed to yank a decent show out of their tights.

GOOD: The Outsiders capture the titles. They are an actual tag team after all.

BAD: Were Hart and Nash the legal men in the ring at the time?

OVERALL: Lots going on again this week. It got kind on convoluted at times and tough to keep up with all the twists and turns. On the whole, though, it was a decent show. I marked out for Jarrett and Benoit and the main event was pretty good too. Just one question, where was Vampiro? Doesn't he have a match at Starrcade on Sunday?

WWF RAW

BAD: I called Ross's "on the heels of last night's Armageddon" line. My Brother in Law was not impressed: "He always says that."

GOOD: Stephanie McMahon all slutted out with the wild hair, tons of makeup, and leather pants. She's looking hot. Nothing wrong with going a little "hootchie" every now and again.

I'M LOOKING FORWARD: Interesting to see where they go with the rest of this angle.

GREAT: The response the crowd gave to Jericho. He looks good with the gold, too. 

I WONDER: Is Jericho a heel or a face? After last night's handshake with Chyna, it's in question as far as I am concerned.

BAD: Why is the crowd popping for X-Pac? I hope it was because they're pumped for the show.

GOOD: Having Jericho go up against Waltman puts him in the face role. 

BAD: X-Pac referring to Tori. I thought last night was the blowoff. Shouldn't we move on?

BAD: Miss Kitty without the Women's Title belt. Well, after last night, I suppose it's a wonder she's wearing anything.

INTERESTING: Ross's commentary paints Jericho in a good light.

GOOD: Chyna looks hot. Miss Kitty looks different to me, though. Can't quite place it. Must be the presence of clothing.

BAD: What the hell was Chyna's interference all about? Double turn for Jericho and Chyna? Is Chyna rejoining DX? Will Jessica ever come out of her coma? Will Burt escape from the alien ship? Will Chester escape from jail? (There's another Vague Reference for you.) (Dude, "Soap" is NOT a Vague Reference. I play God and pronounce "Disqualification!" - CRZ)

BAD: How many times has Shane turned on his father? What right does he have to accuse Stephanie? Jeez, one thing about the wrestling business, it's important to have a really short-term memory. What? 30 days?

GOOD: Stef's indignant and taunting looks at Shane as he rails her for her betrayal. She's so snotty, even I got pissed at her.

BAD: Too many of the Godfather's Ho's are wearing pants this week. Must be cold in Tampa tonight.

UGLY: The Mark Henry/Mae Young GTV segment. Any sex drive I might have had from seeing Spice in a miniskirt has evaporated completely. CyanIndigo! Where are you when I need you?

BAD: I think that may be the 10th time I've seen The Godfather lose a match by being distracted away from the Ho Train, hit from behind into the turnbuckle, and schoolboyed into a pin.

GOOD: Vince as the unstoppable stalking psycho.

GOOD: I like Shane's position here too. He's trying to maintain order on both sides of the fence. 

IDEA: Why not have Shane stay close to both Stef and Vince and try to patch things up between them? Have Stef talk about how she loves Hunter and all the reasons why and have her try to convince her brother to talk Vince into accepting him. Have Shane bust his ass trying to repair the breech, delivering messages between the two of them. I think it'd work.

BAD: Again, Vince with his "What have you done to my daughter?!" Spiel. Didn't Vince set her up and have her tied to a cross and married to The Undertaker a few short months back?

GOOD: Stef looking and acting all sultry as Evil Stef. Hey! My sex drive is starting to come back.

BAD: If Stephanie wasn't ready to get married, why did she marry HHH?!?!

GOOD: Stef remembers the UT incident that I mentioned above and throws it in her dad's face. Good girl!

INTERESTING: "Slut" chant. The crowds catch on fast at these shows.

GOOD: Stef's tirade. She's great! I bet she's gonna get all sorts of fan mail. I just finished writing mine.

UGLY: Vince's face when he reacts to HHH and Stef kissing. It's startling how he is able to pop the veins in his neck like that on cue. Yuck.

GOOD: Rock is out early tonight. We'll probably see him more than once tonight.

BAD: Boggs wearing the "Layeth the Smacketh Down" shirt. I tried to get one for my Brother in Law for Christmas when I went to the RAW show last week and they ran out. If they stopped giving all these Goddammed freebies out every week, I'd be able to get one.

GOOD: Hey, it's Mankind. I guess Rock and Sock are still a team.

GOOD: They are taking on The Dudleys.

GREAT: Rock interrupting the Dudleys. I marked all over the place when Rocky said "It d-d-d-d-doesn't matter!"

BAD: Ending to this match. Where did that DQ come from? What the hell?

GOOD: HHH and Stef are here to ensure that we will see more of the Rock and Sock Connection.

BAD: Going to commercial just when the match got going again.

GOOD: The match is still going on when we get back.

GOOD: Rock and Mankind beating Buh-Buh Ray and D-Von with a chair. Stiff shots. Is the big guy juicing?

BAD: If this match is no DQ, why is the ref stopping Rocky from getting in the ring to make a save when Mick was being double teamed? Just knock the ref down, Rocky!

UGLY: The headbutt to Mick's nether regions by D-Von. He missed by a mile!

WHAT THE HELL: How many times is he going to interfere in this match?

OVERBOOKED: The end of this match. We have a ref bump, HHH and Stef arrive, send in another ref (a guy in a Vince mask), he counts a win for the Dudleys, Rock and Mankind unmask him to reveal that he is actually Al Snow, beat him up, fight the Dudleys more, Rock Bottom, the real ref comes to and counts a win for Rock and Sock. Jesus, where's Yurple the clown to make this a true clusterfuck?

BAD: A "pudding" match? Now I draw the line.

GOOD: HHH and Stef dissing the Mean Street Posse. Memory is a wonderful thing.

BAD: Miss Kitty wanting to be called "The Cat." My Brother in Law: "Where's Ernest Miller? He'll have something to say about this."

PREDICTION: Lillian is announcing from the pudding pool. She's doing a swan into that chocolate crap. I guarantee it.

GOOD: Torrie has a body that won't quit. 

BAD: It's a shame she's being forced to wrestle in this crappy gimmick match.

UGLY: The bump Torrie took when she and X-Pac fell into the pool. Looked like she hit her head hard.

UGLIER: The schmozz that follows. Kane could barely keep his footing around the pool and he nearly destroyed it when he slipped onto it. The NAO also had trouble staying on their feet. Who booked this shit?

I CALLED IT: Lillian in the pudding. Who's the man?

INTERESTING: The January 18th taping of Smackdown is in Providence. The commercial bills Austin as being there.

BAD: The Austin toy failed to work. What are the odds that a lame ass electronic toy would break? Too bad that it happened while on a close-up of Lawler and Ross trying to demonstrate it.

GOOD: The Acolytes. I love these guys. They just need new names (still) and to lose the UT symbols on their pants.

GREAT: Farouk and Bradshaw win easily over the MSP. All's right with the world.

CONVENIENT: HHH and Stephanie booked a cage match and there just happens to be a cage in the arena tonight.

GOOD: The Hardys are in this match!

BETTER: They're taking on Edge and Christian. I can never get sick of these four guys going at it!

HOT: Terry's top. Mesh can be cool. Not only is it sexy, but she can go down to the river and catch her dinner with it.

GOOD: The Outsider's Edge into the powerbomb on Christian. Sweet!

AWESOME: Senton bomb from the top rope! I don't know why Jeff did it, but man was it nasty! Holy shit!

INCREDIBLE: Followed up by a top of the cage corkscrew plancha by Edge! This match is the SHIT!

COOL: What an ending! Christian holds up Matt long enough for Edge to get the win! I loved it!

BAD: Road Dogg insists on continuing to play the crowd with his entrance catchphrases. Jesse, you're a heel!!!! Stop acting like a face!

BAD: Mr. Ass in braids. It doesn't work for him. He looks like a lamo...and in front of your kids and everything.

GOOD: HHH booking a handicapped match between the NAO and Kane.

GOOD: I like when Billy Gunn does his rendition of the Flair Flop. He puts up his dukes when he does it. Nice touch, Assman.

SUGGESTION: Hey New Age Outlaws, if you want to beat him, why don't you both pin him at the same time?

THERE YOU GO: They did it! They read my mind. Hey! Get out of my mind you damn dirty ape! (Okay, that was a Vague Reference that isn't totally accurate, but it's close enough. Go for it!)

BAD: I like The Big Show as champ, but he needs to cut more in-ring promos to get over properly.

GOOD: The new pyros help.

GOOD: The Taz symbol is back

BAD: When the hell is he going to debut?

GOOD: The booking of this match. Show has to be able to destroy everyone he faces...and he does. Cool.

GREAT: Stephanie slyly getting between HHH and the NAO. Teaming Test and HHH is a stroke of genius. I am so into what's going to happen now! Whoever wrote that swerve is to be commended. Keep us thinking!

THE ONLY THING BETTER...would be Chyna getting in on this. Isn't anyone else curious all hail Benoit as to how she reacts to all this shit?

GOOD: The look of determination on Test's face. He's way cool. Glad to see him in the main event again after jobbing to Al Snow last night.

IT WOULD BE COOL: If Test and HHH won the titles tonight. I would eat that shit up.

BAD: JR again calling Test's spinning side salto a "sidewalk slam." Get it right!

INTERESTING: Stef rooting for Test. Again...I'm into this.

COOL: They swerved us again! Test gets set up! Stef smacks the taste out of his mouth. She crotch chops! She's a heel. "The circle is complete!" (Last Vague Reference of the night. Go to it, kiddies)

OVERALL: I thought the show was great tonight. Good action from the Hardys, Edge and Christian, the Dudleys, Rocky, Mankind, Test, Kane, and the NAO. I could have done without the pudding match, but if it leads to Lillian Garcia in a Lime Jello evening gown match, I'll allow it. The Stephanie and HHH stuff was well done and even managed to swerve me. I am excited to see just how far little Miss McMahon will go to screw with her family and the WWF at large.

That's it for this week's edition. Hope it's up to snuff. I wrote it into the wee hours of the night to get it in early.

See you in a week or so, try to keep your head above water until then.

Write me at michaelangelo70@hotmail.com. All letters will be answered, or pureed by a Quisinart.

I am Michaelangelo and will be for a while.