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Michaelangelo

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BLAH

GOOD, BAD AND UGLY FOR NOVEMBER 29, 1999

Hey there folks. Good to have you all back again. I am Michaelangelo and yes, that is my real name. Got another week of Monday night programming to critique in my own unique way. I bet you can hardly wait.

Before we get started, we have to name the King of Vague References for this week. Since two weeks ago, everyone and his brother managed to figure out the reference, I decided to make it four time harder last week. There was only one person that qualified as a big enough loser to know all four references. In case you forgot them, here they are again:

BAD: Eddie saying "Sometimes things turn out to be what they really aren't." What the hell does that mean? It makes as much sense as, "Allow myself to introduce...myself."

GOOD: Liz locking herself in the cage to stay away from  Meng. I wonder what zany hijinks will ensue. Why does it have to be zany?

BAD: The Godfather in that vest looks like a giant orange with arms and legs. Orange whip? Orange whip? Who wants an orange whip?

GREAT: Show slams Viscera. He really slammed him...full-on! Impressive as all hell. You got knocked the fuck out!

Okay, the only person to get all four references correct was Kevin Nishimine. Here's his explanation:

From: Kevin Nishimine
Subject: These were harder

The vague references were much more difficult this week, and it's a very sad thing that I know them.

Here they are, with an added bonus, a circular reference to wrestling:

"Allow myself to introduce...myself." Mike Meyers in Austin Powers. Mike Meyers, a Canadian, is known to wear the Maple Leafs sweater in public for cheap heat, much like Norman Smiley did at Mayhem.

"Why does it have to be zany?" Homer at college with the computer geeks. I believe in that episode, Homer hits the Dean with his car, a recurring theme these days in the WWF and WCW.

"Orange whips?" is from the The Blue Brothers, a perfect example of how to add musical guests to an action/comedy, something the WCW tried to recreate but failed to do under Bischoff.

"You got knocked the fuck out!" is what Chris Tucker yelled at Tiny Lister when Ice Cube kicked his ass. A reference to Friday? This movie ruled! Tiny Lister, of course, was Zeus in the WWF, back when Hulkamania was still running wild.

Hell Comes to Frogtown was one of those "so bad it was good" movies, I can't believe I wasn't the only one who saw that.

Happy Thanksgiving,

-Kevin

Good Job Kevin, you are the King. Long live Kevin!

Okay, enough of this foolishness. You know the drill, find the vague references (they are clearly marked) and identify them and you too may one day become the King of Vague References.

On with the show.

The Good, Bad, and Ugly for November 29, 1999

WCW NITRO

GOOD: Big Billy G. comes out at the start of Nitro. Always bring out the number one talent first.

BAD: Security bumping into the camera as Goldberg makes his way to the ring.

GOOD: Goldberg's mic work. He must be getting coached by Flair.

BADASS: "When I step through that curtain, this is my world."

BAD: What curtain?

BAD: The close up on Goldberg's face showed the red mark he made when he bashed his head into the locker.

BAD: Goldberg says that he has "two words for Nash." Doesn't he know what that incites the crowd to say? One hint, it isn't "you're next."

BAD: Hall has both titles again. Did he actually win either of them?

GOOD: Hall's response to Goldberg. "Last week, when I wrapped that chair around your head, it was the funniest thing I ever saw."

GOOD: Hall and Nash head for the ring to take on Goldberg. The crowd is hot.

GREAT: Sid joins the fray and the four men go at it! Yeah, baby! When was the last time we saw this shit happen at the start of a WCW telecast?

BAD: Tony with the slick-em, one inch part hairdo. He looks like a little boy who had his mother comb about a pound of lard into his hair.

GOOD: Heenan to Tony, "Why am I even bothering myself talking to you?"

GREAT: The card! Goldberg versus Nash, Hall versus Sid, Hart versus Meng. Jarrett, Benoit, and Sting in a three-way match to determine the #2 contender for the World Title. Awesome booking. 

BETTER THAN GREAT: The fact that the three singles matches are no-DQ. There must be a winner. I Pick Goldberg, Hall, and Hart to go over their opponents.

BAD: A mud pit? Already? Not a month has passed and already the Nitro Girls are mud wrestling. I bet A.C. Jazz is really glad she left.

BAD: Tony losing his voice. Bad timing, Mr. S.

GOOD: Piper and the women wrestlers outside. He may be old, he may have half a hip left, but Piper is a funny bastard.

BAD: Why do the two mafia guys wait until Monday night to go after Disco? They had a whole week.

GOOD: Booker T. is out! Okay, first match of the night, I like it. It's a pretty good thing to have him team with Buff. Buff has been getting better over the past weeks. 

BAD: Where's Booker's push?

IT WOULD BE GREAT: If Booker and Buff actually won the belts tonight. Why not? Russo and Ferrara wrote 15 tag title changes into the WWF's booking this year. They can still get in under that number here in WCW even if the titles change hands every Monday between now and the year 2000.

GOOD: The twins seem to be getting a lot of heel heat...or maybe that's Hennig's heat.

BAD: These two big jerks are still wrestling in suits.

GOOD: But damn, they're big boys. Why didn't they get over in WWF?

BAD: Probably the same reason they aren't over in WCW, they have no personalities.

GOOD: Hennig acting the quintessential heel outside the ring. Posturing, cheating, strutting. Love it!

BAD: Buff's lame ass swinging neckbreakers on CC. He barely even touches them and they go flying. That's called "suggestive selling."

GOOD: The twins using the old switcheroo on the ref and Buff. Anyone else remember when the Killer B's (B. Brian Blair and "Jumping" Jim Brunzell) donned masks and did the same thing?

GOOD: Heenan to Schiavone as the lights went out. "Don't do that to me, Tony! Was that you?" 

GOOD: Another appearance by Midnight.

BAD: Why does she not come to ringside sooner? She could save her brother a lot of beatings if she just hung around the ring during the match.

GREAT: Liger is there! He's fighting Juvy! Oh BABY!

MAKES SENSE: Luger playing the legal card on Liz. 

I WONDER: Is it me, or does she wear the same style clothes on every show? She has that tight top with the zipper down the front and short skirt with a slit up the side.

I SUPPOSE...a lot of you were expecting me to comment on how good CyanIndigo would look in that outfit.

OKAY, YOU WIN: She would

I BET: Liz ends up in that mud tonight...somehow. She said that she'll do anything to save her job. And if she goes in the mud, we all know that means Lexy and his new suit will follow soon after.

WHY? What the hell is with those two female wrestlers backstage? Is the bigger one Mount Fuji from GLOW? She looks like her...

UGLY: The thought of these two women actually wearing the outfits they are discussing. "Sleep well, my friend, and dream of large women." (First vague reference, we're on our way.)

BAD: After we return from commercial, we can hear the director calling the cues. 

GOOD: Two weeks in WCW and Ryan "Symphony" Shamrock already has lines on camera. She's not terrible. It's a shame they have her paired up with Maestro.

GOOD: Jarrett. Why the hell isn't he over? Come on, he laid out Tenay with a guitar shot! I love him 75% more already.

BAD: The show was going so well, and now we get Knobbs. 

GOOD: Norman backstage. He gets scared under the table by Finley. This gimmick is almost as good as Hardcore Holly's. I heard rumors that Holly nearly signed with WCW and was going to feud with Smiley for the Hardcore Title. Rumor or not, how cool would that have been?

GOOD: Finley comes out! Now he gets "payback" for the injury that Knobbs gave him all those months ago. Angle development and consistency. Great work.

BAD: Knobbs and Finley miss their first spot. Apparently, Finley was supposed to block the first cane shot by Knobbs. Knobbs swung too low and nailed him in the side. Ouch.

GOOD: Finley cuts Knobbs' hair? Okay, I can go along with that. Nothing starts a feud quite like a trim. Back to basics. Hey, it helped keep Ed Leslie over for a few weeks in the 80's.

GOOD: Mean Gene is back!

BAD: He gets paired off with those two Italian goons.

GOOD: Hennig versus Midnight. Now we get to see her in a full-on match. I'm psyched. 

HORRIFIC: AIGH! They show the two women in their gear! Why did I need to see that?

GOOD: Piper calling Russo "Eddie Munster." That is an accurate description.

GREAT: Jushin "Thunder" Liger. Need I say more?

BAD: They send out Buzzkill during this match. Let's just distract everyone from the actual match, probably the best one we can expect to see tonight.

AWESOME: The HUGE plancha Juvy does on Liger. Talk about air time.

BAD: Juvy looks like he landed hard on that arm. He favored it the rest of the match.

BAD: Buzzkill asks why the two wrestlers in the ring are fighting and suggests they channel their aggression. Uh, they're wrestlers. THAT'S WHAT THEY DO!

I HAVE DECIDED: I hate Buzzkill. Why the hell does he help Juvy? What kind of logic is that?

BAD: The crowd's tepid response to this match. Too bad. This shit is solid.

WOW: Juvy nails Liger with a bottle of tequila. Holy crap.

BAD: That's no way to debut Liger.

GOOD:  Chavo as an interviewer. If he isn't going to be wrestling, I'll take it.

BAD: He isn't going to be wrestling.

BAD: One of the Misfits versus Dr. Death in a steel cage? Uh...why? 

GOOD: Death eating BBQ sauce as Okalahoma does the talking. I laughed at the "slobberknocker" line he delivered, too.

AYYYY: Mean Gene in a strip club with the mafia guys. Mud wrestling, strip clubs, yep, it's becoming the WWF.

GOOD: Hall and Nash dumping the TV title. That's about what it's worth these days anyway.

GOOD: The Revolution. I still love that pose they do at the ring entrance. Yeah, I know that it's ripping off the Impact Players, but there's room in the pool for both groups.

NO DICE: Operation Roadkill? Just forget it. Never mention it again.

BAD: Now, last week they were going to burn the U.S. flag. This week, they are carrying a flag with them? What's with that:?

GOOD: The Revolution playing up the USA versus Canada angle. Funny how they are the heels here. 

OH: Okay, they abdicated from the country and declared themselves an independent state. Never mind.

BAD: Naming themselves after snakes. What the hell is that crap about? It is always stupid when guys rename themselves. It's like a bunch of kids in the playground making up superhero names for themselves. 

GOOD: Perry wanting to be Trouser. That's cool in a lame sort of way. It's better than taking this snake-name thing seriously.

BAD: If there's no Filthy Animals, there's no Torrie. Bummer.

ON THE FENCE: Hacksaw challenging the Revolution. He's kind of old to be fighting three guys and a buff babe, no?

BAD: Nice prop. The 2x4 seems to be...um...bending and twisting an awful lot. Perhaps he should use a real board next time or at least one not made out of such a malleable material.

YEAH, RIGHT: He lays them all out? No way.

GOOD: They get the best of him in the end.

BAD: Why do the Revolution scatter when Benoit runs in? Yeah he's really, really cool, but he is just one man. They should have at least been able to hit him with the rubber stick.

BAD: An interview with Jerry Flynn? Who cares?

BAD: The Block? Give me a fucking break. What makes a boiler room match any easier for a guy like Flynn to win? What, he was raised in a basement by cockroaches or something? Nice motto, too. Real original. "Two men enter, one man leaves." (There's a vague reference that I didn't even have to think of myself!)

STILL WONDERING: What's the point of the Piper skits? Yeah, so, he's waiting for the "Powers That Be." So what?

GOOD: Sid versus Scott Hall. You have to admit, that's a good match. Sid fought guys like "Disorderly Conduct" and Scott Armstrong before Ferrara started booking this show.

GOOD: Nash referring to the TV Title as a "piece of trash." Ha! Bet Fit Finley didn't take kindly to that crack.

PRETTY DAMN GOOD: This match. These two are putting on a decent show.

WOW: Hall nearly got Sid up in the Outsiders Edge! Holy shit!

UGLY: That guitar shot that Jarrett nailed Sid with. Stiff.

BAD: Jarrett wakes up the bumped Charles Robinson by tapping him. Now why didn't Sid think of that? Come on, guys. He should have at least rousted him somewhat.

BAD: Creative Control is still carrying around those title belts everywhere they go. Proud of them, are you?

BAD: Piper's insistence on calling Russo and Co. the "Powers to Be." Hasn't anyone corrected him?

ANNOYING: The camera angles in the strip club. What's the point to tilting the camera partway on it's side, anyway?

GOOD: Russo telling Piper about the mud wrestling match. I like the way her referred to it as "colossal battle."

GOOD: Piper is up to something. That's always good for a laugh. Well, at least it has been in the past.

GOOD: Fyre looking hot backstage. She's my second favorite Nitro Girl, right behind Chae.

INDIFFERENT: The girls starting a food fight. I really don't care one way or the other, although the constant use of the phrase, "No, you didn't." was a bit on the annoying side. The girls themselves didn't seem to care all that much either. They just kind of circled the table throwing crap on each other.

GOOD: When Storm(?) threw beer on Fyre and said, "I am good at putting out fires." Witty. Witty is good, particularly when you have cole slaw in your cleavage.

BAD: Security's lackadaisical reaction to the girls' culinary battle. The whole segment came off as kind of bleah.

REMEMBER...when the Nitro Girls danced? I give them a month before they are phased out completely. Poor Skye, she just got there.

GOOD: You knew that one of those two women was going to be taken out before the mud wrestling match. Now they will substitute...who? Hmm.

BAD: This stupid cage match. If I were Jerry Only, I'd fear for my safety. Death will kill him, for real.

GOOD: Oklahoma's commenting. I still like it. 'Nuff said.

GOOD: Heenan asking Oklahoma, "Why do you always say things three times?"

BETTER: His answer, "That's my gimmick, son."

GOOD: The Misfits and Vamp beat up and douse Oklahoma with BBQ sauce. There's the retribution that many nay-sayers have been looking for.

BAD: When the Misfits tried to lock the cage shut with a pair of handcuffs, one side was not secured. They held a camera shot there, too. To top it off, Williams didn't even try the door. If he had, he'd have gotten out and after his foes. Eh. 

GOOD: Hart giving Meng his props, but still managing to sneak in his catchphrase.

GOOD: Chavo talking about Brett's hair being shiny because of his hair care products. This is funny tonight.

BAD: Chances are they will push it onto us for the next month, and it won't be funny anymore.

GOOD: Heenan on the hair care products. "I bought them for Oakerlund. It doesn't help his hair but his head is shiny like hell." Hee hee. Let that dog hunt, Brain!

GOOD: A push for Meng. I hope it continues. 

BAD: We all know that it probably won't.

GOOD: People are actually starting to recognize Hart by his entrance music. One star down, about 20 to go!

GOOD: Meng wrestling as normal. He does the same no-selling for Hart that he does for all his opponents. The no-selling isn't good, the consistency is.

GREAT: As if to contradict Meng's lack of selling, Hart sells his ass off. 

BAD: This match is too much of a squash. It just hurts Hitman's credibility as champion.

BAD: Most of Heenan's commentary is flat and uninteresting. I miss the old Bobby.

GOOD: Hart comes back with some offense. About time.

BAD: Another ref bump? What the hell?

GOOD: Hall taking the Tongan Death Grip.

 BAD: Meng getting the crap kicked out of him and taking the loss. Wasn't this how the Sid/Hall match went?

GOOD: Benoit takes on the Outsiders alone and kicks their butts. Go Benoit.

BAD: How did the camera get inside Symphony's dressing room?

GOOD: Luger approaches the Powers That Be. What did I tell you? Liz + mud = Michaelangelo is God.

BAD: Tygress on the stick. Suckage.

GOOD: Spice kicking Tygress's ass. Holy nasty bumps. She really went hard into that shower stall.

GOOD: Teasing the Kariagas/Madusa feud. About time.

BAD: Too many vignettes. There were like five in the last three minutes.

BAD: Elizabeth interrupts Sting's interview and we don't get any comments from him.

GOOD: I like Benoit's new music and laser entrance. 

BAD: He needs to spend a little less time getting to the ring. Draw out the entrance just a touch to get the crowd to react.

GOOD: Watch how Stinger and Jarrett do it. They know how to play the crowd on their way in.

GREAT: This match. Hard work going on out there.

GOOD: Luger waffling Sting with the chair while Liz has him distracted. Good timing.

BAD: That bell shot on Jarrett. It was way too obvious that it missed by as mile.

GOOD: Benoit wins it! Yes! Another title shot for the Crippler!

BAD: It was another run-in victory. Overbooked, too.

GOOD: The twin strippers ask Vito if he is a natural "baldy."

BAD: Non-ECW fans did not get the humor of that line.

BAD: Gene dancing with the girls with his tie around his head. Yegads.

GOOD: David Flair as the Maestro. That's about the only ending to this little set of vignettes that I could have taken. Is it me or is young Mr. Flair actually finding his niche in the WCW?

PREDICTABLE: Hall and then both Hall and Nash waylaying Goldberg on his way into the ring.

BAD: When Hall attacks Goldberg, the cops scatter. Isn't that why he keeps them around? If they are going to run when he is attacked, why bother having them at all?

BAD: Since when do locker rooms lock from the outside? That's kind of short sighted on the part of the building architect.

BAD: There's too much shit going on, we barely get to see the match.

BAD: Another ref bump. That's 3 for 3.

GOOD: Goldy hit the jackhammer on Nash. Sweet.

GOOD: Hart, Benoit, Goldberg, Sid, and the Outsiders in a three team cage match!?!? Oh yeah!

OH JESUS: The woman facing Liz in the mud. God help us all.

GOOD: Liz refusing to job in the mud. Would you?

BAD: This entire mud sequence. What the hell was it supposed to accomplish? I hated seeing Roddy Piper, a legend in the wrestling business, reduced to mud wrestling an overweight woman on national television.

GOOD: He did make it fun by riding her like a horse. Call my chuckle a guilty pleasure.

GOOD: And he managed to come out of the situation as well as he could have. I suppose.

BAD: Are we to believe that the two mafia guys met two girls, took them back to their apartment, and cooked a huge meal for them in under three hours? Hello? A good spaghetti sauce must simmer for at least 4-5 hours alone!

GOOD: Arn! Yeah! He's back and cool as ever! 

GREAT: Chae! Woo! She's beating the crap out of Skye! Evening Gown Match! Evening Gown Match!

GOOD: The Wall accepts Flynn's challenge. I like Wall. He's built like a brick sh...well, never mind.

BAD: What's with the Berlyn-esque lighting and camera tricks here?

BAD: Another "Fight Club" reference. If you saw that movie, you know that what these two assholes are doing in NO WAY resembles the shit Brad Pitt and Ed Norton pulled in that flick.

BAD: This train wreck runs entirely too long. Listen to that crowd boo.

GOOD: Berlyn ending this match, finally. 

GOOD: Piper's interview with Chavo. I loved what he said and the fact that he went right after the Outsiders when they walked by. That's the old pitbull we all know and love.

GOOD: Vincent approaching Hennig for help. Consistency is good. I liked that old Curly Bill is still wearing a "Rap is Crap" shirt.

GOOD: Luger reveals that I was right on both counts. Liz and Luger in the mud pit. Who's the man?

GOOD: Midnight can wrestle more than a lick! Wow. That lady is going places. If she has mic skills, Chyna had better watch out.

BAD: Hennig slapping Midnight in the right breast while holding her in an abdominal stretch. There are easier ways to cop a feel Curt.

BAD: Stevie Ray comes in and screws up the match. Who gives a shit if he's back?

GOOD: Curly Bill makes the save on the save. I hate to be repetitive, but that's consistency.

GREAT: Arn Anderson takes it to Hennig and Curly Bill!

AWESOME: The thought of the reformation of the Four Horsemen...imagine Booker T., Stevie Ray, Arn Anderson, and Midnight. A female Horseman! It's perfect! Well, I'd dig it.

QUESTION: Are they ever going to get to the point of these mafia vignettes?

ANSWER: Yep, here's Disco and Lash to wrap this up.

GOOD: I like Lash, whether his Cajun accent is fake or not.

UGLY: Pouring sauce and spaghetti all over the goons. What a mess. "That's a spicy meatball!" (Yet another vague reference for you all!)

BAD, NO MAKE THAT HORRIBLE: Elizabeth was once known as the "First Lady of Wrestling." Now, in the latter years of her career, she is rolling around in the mud like a freak. Likewise for Luger. Here's a guy who was once meant to replace Hogan as a top star in this industry and he's right there next to her. This segment disgusted me. I was never more horrified to be right.

TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE: Poor Liz takes a hard dump on her way out. Is she limping? I feel for you, oh Lovely one. I do. 

BAD: Sting helps Liz. I smell another swerve here. Yep, another one.

BAD: Why doesn't the cameraman untie the mafia guys? For that matter, why don't Vito and his pal threaten the crew until they do?

FUNNY IN A JUVENILE WAY: Sign: "Poop." I giggled. I admit it. Get in touch with your inner child!

GREAT: Benoit in my main event. If he drops a headbutt off the cage...oh mama!

GOOD: Sid and Goldberg as a team. Does it get any more intense than these two guys? That should be the name of their tag team, "Too Intense."

BAD FOR THE OUTSIDERS: Making this match. It's looking like they are getting their lunch handed to them by the other four guys.

HEY! Did Hall just blade after that shot to the cage? If he did it was way too obvious.

GOOD: Jarrett's run-in. Cool. It served real purpose but did not cost the faces the victory.

BETTER: Benoit off the top of the cage! Big headbutt! He pins Hall! Yeah!

AWESOME: The extra-curricular activities. Jarret and Goldie smash a wall of the cage off. Goldberg eats an Outsider's Edge. Sid gets powerbombed. Benoit gets the Stroke. The heels lose, but get the better of the faces. Great ending.

OVERALL: This is a tough week. the stuff I didn't like, I hated, and the stuff I liked, I absolutely marked out for. The matches were good, but did we need three ref bumps in the three singles matches? I could have done without all the mud pit and food fight stuff and there were too many backstage vignettes presented in a rapid-fire manner. Not as good as recent efforts, but not the worst I've seen either.

WWF RAW 

GOOD: Bring out the champ right away. I, for one want him to hold the title for a while. I mean, who can really beat him?

BAD: He's fighting in the first match? He's the fucking champ for God sakes! He should be out there at the END of the night.

GOOD: He's fighting alongside Kane. That I like.

GOOD: They are taking on their arch enemies (at least these days) Bossman and Viscera. 

BAD: Too many big guys. Think about it, Bossman is the smallest guy out there. That's a bit frightening.

BAD: X-Pac interferes and makes the match end way too early. 

GOOD: The spin kick on Torrie. Looked good. "Who's about to take your head off?" (Vague reference number four.)

ANYONE ELSE WONDERING: When Torrie is going to turn on Kane and join X-Pac?

BAD: Another recap of the Test/Stephanie love affair. I know this is because the wedding is tonight and all, but I am sick of seeing this crap over and over again, especially since it was delayed once for no apparent reason.

GOOD: That reason may be apparent tonight...ahem...cough...Undertaker...cough.

BAD: The crowd is still cheering DX. Hasn't their heel position been rammed into everyone's mind yet? I mean, I got it they day the reunited in Providence.

GOOD: HHH is wearing a corsage on his leather jacket. Ha!

BAD: I hate these legal angles. A temporary order of protection? That shit just pisses me off...

GOOD: Since I am pissed off, the angle must be working! Okay, good job.

GOOD: Footage of Vince destroying a limo. Yeah, we saw it last week, but it still looks cool. 

I WONDER: How much did it cost to fix those cars? Anyone know?

GOOD: The crowd starts getting into this and chants "asshole" nice and loud. Now they're getting it.

GOOD: Vince calling DX a bunch of wimps. My sentiments exactly.

BAD: Vince booking Test to work on his wedding day? Now that isn't nice.

GOOD: Six man tag match...I like that.

GOOD: Al Snow making fun of the People's Eyebrow. This angle is progressing nicely.

BAD: Terry Runnells is being wasted. All she does is walk to the ring, watch the Hardys lose and then walk back to the dressing room. I liked her better in PMS.

GREAT: Edge versus Matt Hardy!

I'M WARNING YOU: If there is a screwjob ending, I will write my congressman.

GOOD: This match. I bet they do right what Juvy and Liger blew over on TNT.

BAD: JR says that Edge and Hardy know each other's moves really well. That being the case, shouldn't they not hit the same spots we've seen in the past?

GOOD: The cameraman gets nailed. I love when that happens.

BAD: The ending to this match. I liked the spear, but having four guys in the ring at once was really a crappy way for this ONE-ON-ONE match to finish.

BAD: Stephanie had a bachelorette party in Vegas and they hung out in the hotel room? Drinking beers with Moolah and Mae Young? Good God. Get out, you're in the city that really never sleeps. The casinos don't close, ever!

GOOD: Chyna is out and looking fine.

BAD: Without Miss Kitty! Awwww.

I WONDER: When was the last time she defended that belt?

GOOD: She's fighting Jericho tonight. Could the title possibly change hands tonight?

BAD: No way in hell.

GOOD: Jericho calls Chyna a "jacked up mutant." Ha!

BAD: Jericho isn't even going to fight her until the next PPV. This is old WCW booking.

GOOD: Jericho going off on how she hit him with the hammer on Thursday. 

GOOD: Here comes Kitty from behind. Yeah, we all knew this would happen, but it was still cool.

BAD: The problem is, when is Jericho going to get the best of Chyna again? It's his turn, I think.

GOOD: Stephanie's friends are all hotties.

BAD: Except for Moolah and Mae. Did I already say how out of place they are?

BAD: Austin on the cover of Entertainment Weekly. Did someone forget to tell the editors that Austin is out? Why isn't Rocky on that cover?

GREAT: The California Ho's! WOW! Hey CRZ, you got a spare room at your house? I'm moving in!

GOOD: Godfather versus Blackman.

BAD: Too bad Stevie boy is probably jobbing tonight.

REMEMBER...when Blackman actually took the Ho's when these two fought a few months ago?

GREAT: What the hell? Blackman wins clean with a single kick? I'm confused but I like it!

OH: It was the "Lethal Kick." I wonder why they sacrificed the Godfather to it this week.

GOOD: The Acolytes playing poker with the Dudleys. A comedy of errors...all the way.

BAD: Mae Young dancing at the party. I DO NOT like where this is going.

GOOD: Snow and Mankind backstage talking about Rocky. Al has always been one of the best vignette guys out there. Now he has two other great actors to play off. Let's draw this out for a while, shall we?

BAD: Rakishi and his ass are back! Egads.

GOOD: He's fighting Holly? Cool!

BAD: Nope. It's the Hollys versus Too Cool.

BAD: Holly says that Too Cool are not superheavyweights. When these Taylor and Lawler Jr. first came back, Holly said they were superheavyweights. Make up your mind, Bob.

BAD: The match ended in the time it took me to write the above sentence.

GOOD: Okay, it was meant to create a new feud between Bigassi and Holly. Okay. I get it.

BAD: They're dancing again.

GOOD: Just as the ass began to gyrate, they cut back to the bachelorette party. Oh, thank God.

BAD: It's the part when the male stripper arrives. Anyone else surprised that Mae Young and Moolah grabbed him?

INTERESTING: Aside from the bachelorette party vignettes, there is very little on-camera preparation for this wedding. Where are the shots of the cake? The arrival of the priest? The gifts? Eh?

GOOD: Test and HHH. Maybe this is the first step towards a main event push for Andrew.

BAD: The ref in the Vince mask. I can smell the screwjob already. The whole match reeks of it.

MY GUESS: I say it's Shawn Michaels under that mask. Just a guess...probably wrong.

LACKLUSTER: This match so far. Bleah. Not very impressive.

UGLY: The DDT delivered by HHH off the ropes. Wow. Rammed his face right down onto the mat.

HOW WE KNOW IT ISN'T VINCE UNDER THE MASK: HHH had words with the ref. Wouldn't he know Vince's voice? Yes, he would. I rest my case.

GOOD: The match got better later on. A little better, anyway.

BAD: No payoff on the guy in the mask. Suffice to say that my guess was probably wrong. I suppose it was Vince.

GOOD: HHH wanting Vince arrested. At least they are following through.

BAD: They named the EMT Barbara Bush. Oh, come on!

BAD: The footage of Barbara giving the Heimlich to Miss Kitty. Did they bother to look this up? If this procedure is properly performed, you break the ribs of the recipient. Kitty seemed fine to me afterwards.

GOOD: An evening gown match between Ivory and BB. We haven't seen one in a while.

BAD: The logic behind this challenge. If losing her shirt was so damned humiliating, why is she, an EMT, taking on Ivory, an experienced wrestler, to a match where the object is to remove your opponent's clothing?

PREDICTABLE:  We knew that the EMT would end up sans shirt. The WWF was all too happy to oblige us.

GOOD: Brisco and Patterson as the alibi for Vince.

BAD: The bathroom humor. Was that necessary?

GOOD: They finally show some preparation for the wedding. 

QUESTION: Is Val turning face this week?

ANSWER: Yep, he's back to "Hello, ladies" and talking about how big his dick is. The Big Valbowski is a good guy again.

BAD: Now he's gonna job to Angle. I know a lot of people like this guy, but I haven't totally decided yet. He's good in the ring, but the angle is just too...too...Ken Patera.

BAD: Angle versus Blackman at Armageddon? Why should I care? I would have had the Mark Henry/Kurt Angle thing brew longer. That's a feud that makes sense. 

GOOD: At least the Bulldog's interference will be the reason for Val's loss. It adds some credibility to the loss.

BAD: Why can't the commentators get these guys names' right? Val is Angle, Angle is Val.

IS IT ME? While getting ready for the wedding, didn't Jeff Hardy look like a Cro-Magnon man? What a brow!

GREAT: Al, Rocky, and Mankind backstage. Rock mistaking Al for a janitor was classic.

BAD: X-Pac's pyros sounded like pop guns. Did someone forget to mic those explosives?

GOOD: X-Pac got booed. It made up for the Outlaws playing the crowd again.

GOOD: Kane as the mystery partner. Good call.

BAD: I can call the end of this match. Run-in by Al Snow. It will cost them the victory...most likely Rock will be pinned.

BAD: I was close, but wrong.

BAD: Mick should have stopped Rock from delivering the People's Elbow. It would have helped to put Mankind more in the middle of this strange "love triangle."

GOOD: The Acolytes and the Dudleys making fun of Public Enemy backstage. 

GOOD: Not showing Stef in her wedding dress yet.

GOOD: The rest of the vignette with the Dudleys and the Acolytes. Six aces! Ha!

BAD: Sgt. Slaughter's moustache. He looks like that cartoon version of himself from the G.I. Joe Movie.

BAD: They start the ceremony at 10:56. Do we really think that this ceremony is going to take place?

BAD: They play Test's music as he comes to the ring? They also introduce him as "Test." Come on. Of all times to use his real name, tonight is the night.

GOOD: Okay, Stef looks great. I gotta say it.

BAD: The music they play before the wedding is complete. I'm sorry but this is the exact opposite of what wrestling fans want to see.

OF COURSE: HHH comes out.

BAD: You'd think that Vince would have control over the sound system and keep this from happening. I mean, it is his daughter's wedding.

GOOD: HHH already married Stephanie with help from the guy serving drinks at the bachelorette party! I don't think anyone would have expected that! Good one Vince. Kudos.

GOOD: The pseudo wedding at the drive thru. When HHH was speaking for Stephanie, my sister nearly busted a gut.

GOOD: Stephanie crying about the results of her wedding. She's a great actress.

OVERALL: Good show tonight. Much better than the last few weeks. Good matches and a swerve to end all swerves at the wedding. I should have seen it coming, but I liked being surprised. One of the better shows of the year, in my opinion.

Well, that's it for me. Next week, I have tickets to the RAW show in Worcester, MA. As a result, I will probably not write a full-on column. It all depends on how well the VCR works.

At the very least, expect a report on the show from an attendee's perspective.

Drop me a line. I read and respond to every e-mail I get, either directly, or in The Expansion Column. What are you waiting for, click the link to mail me!

I am Michaelangelo and will be for a while.

Michaelangelo
[slash] wrestling

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