Well, hello there all you crazy kids. I am back for another column of letters, opinions, and general wackiness. I am your hose, Michaelangelo and I am here to >CLAP< print...your letters.

I got some mail last week, not nearly as much as I wanted. I guess you guys think that everything I say is right and I need never be corrected. Now, now. That sort of thinking can give me a big head.

Well...a bigger head.

Ahem.

Anyway, moving on.

Just a little note for you all, this week's column gives away a new clue to the tie between myself and a certain female columnist on this web site. OYu want answers? Can you handle the truth? Read on!

Alright, now just let me give you this quote I recently came across and we'll get going.

"Nuclear war would certainly set back cable."
- Ted Turner

Makes you think, doesn't it? Sheesh.

It's my column and I'll rant if I want to.

When I write my other column, The Good, Bad, and Ugly, I write it from the perspective of a person who is sitting and watching the wrestling shows as they happen. In fact, that's exactly how it's done. I have a laptop, I plug in and stare at the television for five hours straight writing as I watch. It's totally reactionary and off the cuff. I seldom make changes to my original thoughts because that's the whole point.

Now, the reason I mention this is because I also do a lot of reading on the Internet. I have been a fan of CRZ's weekly recaps for a long time. I also ready Hyatte, The Shooters, Slobberknocker Central, DDT Digest, and a few other sites to get different perspectives on the Monday night offerings. I make it a point to not read any of this until I have completed my column and submitted it to [slash] Wrestling in order to keep an uninfluenced perspective.

Now, I have noticed a trend lately. A lot of the things that I have enjoyed seeing on Monday Night does not quite jive with what some of my esteemed peers seem to approve of. For example, I may be the only guy on the Internet who thought that Hacksaw Jim Duggan sitting at the piano, freaking out the Maestro was funny. I was entertained, maybe for just a moment, but I was. After I thought about it, I realized how stupid it was, but the fact remains. That moment, that second, I laughed.

Isn't that the point? I mean, this is wrestling we are talking about. These guys aren't out to produce ER or Masterpiece Theatre and they know it. They haven't the resources to put on a show of any real socially redeeming value. The best they can hope for is moments of reasonable entertainment and the occasional mark out to a ring spot or the appearance of a favorite superstar.

I try not to over think what I see. There's plenty of other guys that can do that. Don't get me wrong, I am not bashing other columnists for their analysis of these shows and PPV's, I am just explaining my perspective. \

Hey, I don't watch wrestling to harp on it. I watch it for the same reason all of you do, I love it. I love seeing the good guys beat the bad guys. I love seeing two big men beat the living shit out of each other for 20 minutes. I love chanting catchphrases along with guys like The Rock, Hogan, and Jericho. Deep down, I am a mark and will be for life. 

And so are you.

Question of the week

Last week's question dealt with the J.R. Impersonation that took place at the last two weeks' Nitro shows. Since NOBODY bothered to answert the question this week, I won't bother to reprint the question.

I will, however give you all another chance to redeem yourselves. Here's a new question for you:

What wrestling event in the past caused you to mark out the most you ever have in your life?

Easy one, I think. Get writing. Send all responses to michaelangelo70@hotmail.com.

Now then, there were four vague references in last week's Good, Bad, and Ugly. Only one person got them all and the letter will be printed in this week's installment of G,B,&U. 

Letters

From: "Mike Lavieri"
Subject: none

From Everlit's letter:

"4: These CyanIndigo references are pissing me off. Breasts or an explanation, either or."

Personally, if I wanted to read about CyanIndigo, I'd read her column.  I, however, do NOT want to read about her OR her breasts.  That is why I do NOT read her column and it is also why I do not read yours.  Although, there is something to be said about reading absurdly stupid writing for a sort of maso entertainment, I guess.

Now that I think about it, the breast conversation would be interesting if I wasn't 90% sure that CyanIndigo wasn't a 43 year old balding man.  Or perhaps not, considering ANYTHING gets boring after long enough.

Perhaps I should start a wrestling column and devote it to saying the same thing over and over?  I could talk about my ass.  And then I could get some moron to mention me every week.  What's good for the goose, I suppose.

DK314

Thanks for taking the time to write. I think. For the record, CyanIndogo is not a 43 year old balding man. How do I know? Because she and I have met. There, I said it. 

I find it very funny how people got ticked about my references to CyanIndigo's breasts. All we are trying to do is build some heat on the site and get people to read the other columns. You know, have fun and promote each other. I like to think that out of the 16 pages I write every week, a few teasing mentions wouldn't be a big deal.

And, one more thing. It isn't stopping. There will be a payoff for the loyal readers. If you don't like it, skip over it. The extra millisecond it takes to avert your eyes to another line is really no big deal.

From: "Matt Plunk"
Subject: Second reference.

Don't know the first, though it's funny.  The second is again the Simpsons, where Homer reveals his "zany scheme" to get the three nerds back in College.

From: JnyAce13
Subject: vague reference

"You got knocked the fuck out! (That's another vague reference for you.)" Is that in reference to the film "Friday" staring ice cube and...um... that guy who is really funny, but whose name escapes me. You know, when ice cube beats down Zeus (woah... how's that for a not so vague reference) at the end, and smoky gets up in Zeus's face and screams "daaaaaaaaaamn, you got knocked the fuck out!" did I mention that i know nothing about sentence structure? 

well...um...yeah, 

josh 

p.s. another fine column this week, I don't always agree with you, but I can always see where you're coming from. 

p.p.s. less cyanindigo references this week...

Thanks Josh. I don't expect you to agree with me all the time. We're all different people and we think differently. That's how it works. It's respecting one another's opinions that keeps us alive. Most of the time.

From: "Guerrilla Radio"
Subject: The Patriots suck...and your column:)

The 'zany antics' reference is something from the Simpsons..I think. It's in this large memory bank of mine somewhere...

And the 'knocked the fuck out' thing is a piece of a sample of a lyric from Eminem's "Role Model".

And one last thing:
"BAD: They still haven't explained why Torrie and Kane are together."
HYPOCRITE! YOU'VE NEVER EXPLAINED WHY (or how for that matter) YOU AND CYANINDIGO ARE TOGETHER! AND THE PATRIOTS SUCK! YOU STUPID GIRL..um..boy. (Sorry, I felt like quoting Garbage.)

-EverLit, 14, ranting, and listening to Snow's "Informer"

Oh yeah..I wanna be a king damnit.

Yes, the Patriots do suck. they lost their last three games. What more do you need?

Good point about me and CyanIndigo, but if you read a little higher, you'll see that there finally was some information divulged about that particular subject.

Wanting to be a King is great, but you gotta get ALL the references to make it. Let's say your effort this week earns you the title of...Knave.

From: "Patrick Barker"
Subject: None

Homer: "The only way to top a zany plan is with a zanier plan!" 

Nerd: "Why does it have to be zany?" 

Note: I paraphrased. 

Patrick Barker

That's one of four.

From: darkmiester
Subject: "...a man of wealth and taste"

could the 1st "vague" reference refer to "sympathy for the devil"by"the rolling stones"? awesome rock and wrestling connection would be the undertaker and the REAL "lord of darkness"............keith richards!! 

great column, 

"downtown"

Close, but the quote you are thinking of is "Please allow me to introduce myself." The quote I printed was "Please allow myself to introduce...myself."

Your effort was noble, though and the thought of Keith Richards and The Undertaker as a team gave me a chuckle. Well, they have one thing in common, they've both been dead since the early 80's.

For that, you win the title of Minstrel.

From: corey steadman
Subject: Vague References

Hey!  Like the Good, Bad and Ugly column, look forward to it every week. 

Now, on to the references: 

1.  That was from Austin Powers 

2.  Hell, I dunno! 

3.  That was from the movie, Friday. 

Corey Steadman

Thanks for writing.

From: XvSexyBoyvX
Subject: Vague References....

The first one was easy, "Allow myself to introduce...myself" from Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery.  Not really all that vague. 

Second one...It sounds familiar...but I can't place it. 

Third one...no clue. 

Fourth, that's from Friday. Yeah...I loved that movie. 

Yeah, I used to write for the Source page...the ECW Report.  I was thinking about getting on at CRZ but never had the time to sit down and write anything.  Enjoying your "Good, Bad, and Ugly"...funny stuff. 

Though I must say...I don't want to see Goldberg vs. Hart.  Main reason, WCW would never dream of making Goldbreg lose.  I really wanted to see Hart's title reign last more then a month.  Besides, I hate Goldberg. 

And Oklahoma really isn't very funny.  Not that I find him offensive... I'm very hard to offend, but Doctor Death sucks...and Fererra is just plain annoying. I must say though...as talented as Lash LeRoux is...I can't stand him.  I don't know if you saw or not, but when he got on the mic before his match on last week's Thunder...he does the worst Cajun accent I've ever heard.  And the use of such stereotypical sayings made me want to vomit. In case you missed it, he asked if everybody was ready for the Mardi gras...then said "I threw some gris gris over my left shoulder, and threw some gris gris over my right shoulder..." and finished it off by saying "We're gonna les ze les bouton roulez...let the good times roll"...ugh... 

I also hate the Big Show.  Don't know why for sure...oh, wait...i remember. Because he's boring.  And he spits too much...it's really disgusting. 

Cool to see the Rock N Sock Connection back.  Not so much to see them wrestle...but they're entertaining as hell.  A lot funnier than Snow and Foley are. 

Umm...I think I just ran out of stuff to say.  So... yeah...

For those who don't know, I used to write a Nitro Recap at The Source, a web site that has not updated in about six months. The RAW recapper was none other than (you guessed it) CyanIndigo.  When the site folded we both found our way here.

Goldberg already lost to Hart once. What makes you think he won't lose again? I think Russo and Ferrara have scrapped the idea of Goldy as unbeatable at this point. As far as I am concerned, it's anyone's match.

I did see that Thunder with Lash on the stick. I liked it. I am not Cajun, so I have no idea if what he said or how he said it was lame by N'Orleans standards. However, being an Eastern Italian, I am overly critical of Tony Marinara and his two goons, so I can see your point.

Goldberg spits more than Show, doesn't he?

Nice to hear from you again. Write something for CRZ!

From: ELMOTRON
Subject: "You got knocked the fuck out!"

A Friday reference always makes me happy.  

Thanks. 

The MASKED Computer Geek

You're very welcome. One question, what good does it do to be masked at the computer? Nobody can see you? 

Or maybe your computer wears a mask. That makes much less sense.

From: Doug Ehrmantraut
Subject: Jarrett/Hart technical duel

>GOOD: Hart versus Jarrett. Looks to be a technically strong match. > 

>BAD: It will probably end in a train wreck. > 

>GOOD: Jarrettt's pyro. Not uncool. > 

>BETTER: The performance these two guys put on. There's a healthy dose of nasty ass violence to counter the great technical wrestling spots. Great all-round effort for both men. <

Just one question.  What match were you watching?  I saw two semi-technical moves by Hart, several roll-ups (which I don't consider spots, especially when you *know* they're going to kick out), and a whole friggin' buttload of punches and kicks.  In fact, Jarrett did nothing but punch and kick, with the occasional eyegouge thrown in.  I was trying to explain to my roommate that Jarrett has a reputation as being a good technical wrestler, but I couldn't come up with any examples, and he sure didn't help me out any on Nitro. 

I don't know why I felt the need to say that, but I did.  And I did. Bye now. 

--D

I went back and rewatched this match after I got this message. You know what? You are right. There were a couple of decent spots, but much more punching than wrestling. I must have dreamed it or something. My bad. Thanks for calling me on it.

From: "Aaron"
Subject: YOUR A WCW MARK (smarter comments inside)

First things first... Spice in the schoolgirl uniform. CyanIndigo. Are you listening? 

Stop this. I highly doubt your audience is half as horny as you imagine and this sort of innuendo is not going to make them jealous. Besides, an actual live pair of breasts is much better than a Canadian cyber fantasy. 

They are still beating that whole action figure issue into the ground. What do they expect to accomplish by stomping that dead horse? Most people would have forgotten about it by now. The WWF's insistence to constantly bring this up over and over again is just aggravating. 

Maybe they are serious aboot trying to get the figure back on the shelves. They seem to fight back in strange ways (ie Billionaire Ted, the RAW = Porn guy) 

Now, I know that Angle is the heel here, but what kind of role model is Mark Henry? 

Since when has the WWF been about portraying role models? That all ended like three years ago. 

Buh-Buh Ray went for a big splash to break up a count on D-Von and Christian moved, causing Bub-Buh to land on his partner. What if he had hit it? Would it not have hurt D-Von just as much? 

This sort of spot has been used to death over the years, why site it as a "bad" example now? 

I dunno, maybe it's just me, but it looks like you're trying a little too hard to make WCW look better than it is, and the WWF worse than it is. 

And maybe YOUR BIAST! -A

Maybe I am Biased. I have said in the past that I have always been more on the side of WCW than WWF. I try to be as impartial as possible, but nobody is totally objective. Ever.

As for the Dudleys thing, like I said, I write what I think at the moment. Yeah that spot and others like ti have been done to death for the past 20 years, but it seemed overtly accentuated at that moment. That's all.

And, no, I won't stop with the CyanIndigo references. We've covered this. Just be patient...you'll be glad you were.

From: "Robbie Patterson"
Subject: VAGUE References abound.

Hey man. 

First, your article rocks. 

Allow myself to introduce, myself was from Austin Powers. 

The orange Whip reference was from Blues Brothers.  The original.  Hey, wouldn't it be cool if one of the big two came up with a Blues Brother's type angle? LOL, just kidding.  We had to put up with Men on a Mission, so no more singing tag teams that pose as brothers.  But let me tell you, Don't you think that the Acolytes just end up singing kareoke in one of the bars they hang out in would be funny?  Or beating up somebody who is singing... 

Robbie Patterson 

Thanks. I like to think my column rolls too. The Acolytes on a karaoke machine? Uh...no. that's just wrong.

From: "Jafo ."
Subject: Vague Reference

I know this is late, sorry, I had no net connection over the weekend!

Vague Reference of the week: Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

It's the scene in the Casino where Austin introduces himself to Number 2.

You still kick ass, keep up the good work.

JAFO (my vague reference, guess, anyone?)

That was one of them...there were three more...

Well, that's all I have this week. Please take the time to answer my "Question of the Week" above. The Good, Bad, and Ugly will be up as usual later this week. Until then, stay warm.

I am Michaelangelo and will be for a while.