Good day to all. Michaelangelo here for another edition of The Expansion Column. I got tons of letters this week, most of which refer to my other column's (the Good, Bad, and Ugly) Vague Reference of the Week. Apparently, it wasn't vague enough. Lots of people got it, so I guess I will have to make it tougher this week.

Let's shake things up to start.

It's my Column and I'll Rant if I Want To

Why is everyone surprised that WCW is so much like WWF now? Think about it! The WWF was dominating the Monday night ratings for so long. Why?

Well, it certainly wasn't the quality of their in-ring product. I dare you to argue that overall, WWF had better pure wrestling than WCW. No way. McMahon's top star can barely do more than throw punches and flip people off for God's sake!

No, it was the short-attention-span shows, their doses of T&A and violence, and their great storylines that grabbed the viewers and kept them.

Now that the creative team is helming things down in Turnerland, everyone's bitching about the "fall of the WCW." If you loved it so much, why didn't you watch it? I did! I never stopped.

Now that WCW is starting to get attention it has become en vogue to put them down. To me, this is hypocrisy. They are simply subscribing to the adage, "If you can't beat them, copy them."

It's the nature of survival.

Let's jump over to another subject: Ed Ferrara's imitation of J.R. on Nitro. I read a TON of writers on the Internet who lambasted WCW for making fun of Ross's Bells Palsy.

You know what? I'd be pissed too...except for the fact that WWF ALREADY DID IT!

Remember when J.R. came back? Not only did they use the illness to build an angle, but Ed Ferrara (sporting a moustache and beard at the time) himself got in a WWF ring during a televised edition of Monday Night Raw and did the same fucking imitation! Dr. Death jumped in the ring and gave him a nasty-looking German suplex.

Remember now?

If you hated the imitation because it sucked, that's one thing. To call it offensive is just fucking stupid. Ross himself signed off the right to be offended by it the minute he allowed it to be used in a WWF angle.

But that's my opinion. Tell me yours. In fact, let's make this the:

QUESTION OF THE WEEK

Was the J.R. imitator on last week's NITRO offensive or not? Why do you think so?

Now, last week's question only got one response. Come on folks, you can do better than that. The question was:

In wrestling, how should championship titles be used, to put over wrestlers with lukewarm popularity (HHH, Show) or to reward personalities who enjoy a huge fan base (Rocky, Austin)? Why?

Oddly enough, the one letter came from none other than:

From: Cyan indigo

Subject: Alright, so you got my attention

Alright, alright. You've got my attention.

I've noticed the praise of the perfect breasts and all.

I've heard the buzz.

I've heard the comments, the complaints, the general fuss.

Everyone wanting to know what's up between us.

How many references was it this week, Michaelangelo? Three? Four?

Here's a few I'll comment on:

1) VAGUE CYANINDIGO REFERENCE THAT WILL PISS OFF MY READERS: Pi=F1ata, where have I heard that before?

Can't imagine. Depending on whether a single one is willing to be my pinata pequeno, I'm unfamiliar with them as a whole.

2) I WONDER: How would CyanIndigo look in that little number? Yowza. (reference to Torrie Wilson's bikini)

Personally, I think I look better in skimpy black lace. What do you think? Ideas?

3) Short, flowy skirts. Hint, hint.

General hint taken. Whether or not you're lucky enough to see it is another matter. Generally I stay away from Americans unless they're at least 1/8th Canadian. Do you qualify?

So anyways, still a little tickled pink by your words, I feel the need to answer your question of the week, and show that there's more to your little obsession than my physical appearance.

Yes, I'm not all breasts.

The WWF championship, regarding who it should be given to, is a tough call. Tough question to answer.

Well, I'd be inclined to believe that it has something to do with whether the WWF wants to make good on the money they're paying the wrestlers.

Bottom line, if your mid-carder can reach the popularity of a main eventer as a result of giving him the belt, then by all means, for the good of the company, absolutely.

It can back-fire, most assuredly. But the way that the WWF works is that it thrives on change. Fans thrive on it too. So the idea of giving the championship to the wrestlers that have a chance to become regular main events is the preferred one, at least in my opinion. There's only so many times you want to see Austin hold the belt and defend it against HHH.

Then again, I'm completely against fan-pandering. Is that biased? I'll say this: it's good to give the title to some mid-carders as a test, but it's also good (at least, occasionally) to give the title to the big guns. I'm borderline. Sorry.

Are you satisfied? Like always?

Hm. You're quite the silly fuck, you know.

You're cute.

We'll talk.

CyanIndigo Seduction Artist for Hire

Wow, all that and she's just packed with brains too!

Plus, she thinks I'm cute.

And the battle wages on.

Since I have discovered that about a million other wrestling websites are now using "Mail Sack" as the name of their letters pages, I have decided to gracefully bow out. Firstly because I am satisfied with the knowledge that I have started some sort of lame-ass phenomenon, and secondly because I never liked that name anyway.

So, without further ado, here is my mail for the week. As always, my comments follow in italics.

I have opted to include all letters, even those referring to the Vague Reference of the Week, in one lump sum. Why, because it's easier. The right answer and the winner and new King or Queen will be announced in this week's Good, Bad, and Ugly.

LETTERS

From: Scott Stone

Subject: Too late, but...

....it would still be good to be King. Python, Holy Grail, before they were forced to eat Robin's Minstrels (yay). And after the spanking....

Scott Stone

From: "Matt Plunk"

Subject: Obscure Reference, Mandible Claw.

Just a guess, but is it reference to Sir Robin from Monty Python's Holy

Grail? The minstrels guy? Anyway, there's a cool section in Mick Foley's autobiography (Highly recommended) about the Mandible Claw, because he was tired of doing the Cactus Elbow.

Cornette told him about how the guy who The Fugitive was based on (Sam

Shepard) couldn't work as a doctor after the trial, so he took up wrestling. His finisher was the Mandible Claw, which is a nerve hold (Thus making Ross wrong when he says "Sticking it down the gullet")

Here's how you do it:

Place your hand in their mouth, using your knuckles to keep their mouth open (So they don't bite) place your two middle fingers on a nerve which runs under the tongue, then press up with your thumb. If done correctly, it deals a great deal of sudden pain, and would probably cause vomiting and unconsciousness on the victim. Of course, Mick doesn't do that :).

He tried to talk Bill Watts into it during his WCW tenure, but Watts said "Why don't I just bite your damn fingers off". When Mankind was born in the WWF, he convinced Vince to let him use it because it would look deranged with Mankind, could be discussed how surprising it was, and would allow a closeup on both wrestler's faces.

While I can't say for sure (The only submission holds I've got to work are the Figure 4 and Boston Crab) I'll just relay Mick's information to you.

Good stuff to know. To me it just looked like a hand in the mouth. My first inclination was always to yell, "Bite down, dammit!"

From: Paul Gilbert

Subject: not-so-vague reference

Monty Python and the Holy Grail. That is not obscure at all, and I should know. I couldn't place the previous obscure references but this one was a snap!

Paul Gilbert

From: "Browning, Kurt"

Subject: Tony Marinera

That is the name used for John Travolta'a Saturday night fever character He probably owes him money for dance lessons.

Just a thought

Kurt Browning

Good job picking that up! Now that's a vague reference to be proud of.

From: "Chris Pendley"

Subject: Vague Reference of the week

About your vague reference of the week-

It's from Monty Python and the Holy Grail-Sir Robin, the not-quite-as-brave-as-Sir-Lancelot, who nearly stood up to the Vicious Chicken of Bristol, ...or something along those lines. (and, of course, personally wet himself at the Battle of Badon Hill) Well, now that I've proven that I have way too much time on my hands (even though I haven't seen it in about 15 months-scary), I'm going.

Great work on the column, keep it up.

ShadeEagle-or the writer formerly known as Chris, if you prefer it that way...

From: "Chuck the Bear"

Subject: Mankind

BAD: How the hell does a sock in the mouth render a 240-pound man unconscious? What's the medical logic there?

As I explained in a column about 2 months ago, and was explained in Foley's book, the mandible claw is a move where Foley pinches the nerve under his opponent's tongue with his two middle fingers and thumb. It is a very real, and very good move, the only problem is that J.R. keeps selling it as "down the gullet" which it is not, and Mick has gotten very sloppy in applying it since the sock came in.

Chuck Carlin

[slash]

And I thought it was Toxic Sock syndrome that dropped all those wrestlers.

From: "Guerrilla Radio"

Subject: Random thoughts...

1: The Patriots suck.

2: The Jets kick ass.

3: The Patriots suck.

4: These CyanIndigo references are pissing me off. Breasts or an explanation, either or.

5: The Patriots suck.

-Ever"The Patriots suck."Lit, the internet's smartest 14 year old

1. I am beginning to believe you

2. I hate Parcells

3. You already said that.

4. You're gonna have to wait for both. You're only 14, learn patience kiddo.

5. Now you're just being mean.

From: Bethebunny@webtv.net

Subject: Concerning Andre (and damn those boobies!)

You know, you say that The WWF is off in saying that Wight is the biggest man in WWF history, you are right. But you forgot to point out that Bobby Heenan always says that Kevin Nash is "The biggest man in the history of our sport". WTF? He's not even the biggest man in WCW! Well, if Reese is gone he may be, but he's not the biggest man in wrestling today, much less ever.

And, on a side note, please quit with the boobie comment, okay? My guess is that CyanIndigo is either A). A fat chick or B). A guy. If not, then quit teasing already and post the puppies, but if so, heck, that's kind of funny.

Take care. I like your Good, Bad, Ugly strips. Classic stuff.

Was Andre bigger than Wight? Anyone have the facts on that? I agree that WCW keeps trying to pawn Nash off as the "Real giant in wrestling," but there's no denying the facts.

As for your side note, I may lay off the breasts references, but as for CyanIndigo...well, I do plan to keep that stuff up. You have to admit, there's some real heat here on [slash] Wrestling.

And, for the record, CyanIndigo is A. Not fat or B. Not a guy. Take it from me, I know whereof I speak...now let's leave it at that.

From: bingo patterson

Subject: A couple of things on your article.

One, the movie reference was to Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Two, you mentioned that this was probably the first time the heel group was taken away in cuffs when DX was arrested. Doesn't anybody remember when McMahon was arrested for assaulting Austin along with the Stooges???

Please respond at equalizer@twrestling.com

Thank you.

From: "Tony Page"

Subject: Vague Reference of the Week

Aww, c'mon. That was too easy. Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail.

TJ

I promise, they'll be tougher from here on in.

From: MaximMan25

Subject: G,B,U

WHAT THE HELL? What was with Saturn during that Revolution interview? I gotta admit, when Malenko begrudgingly "jumped," I snickered...

I thought that part was hilarious....I don't know why, probably cause it was out of nowhere.

BAD: Vince using the "doggy style" line on Jesse James in regards to prison time.

I thought that line was pretty good.

Yeah, that Saturn thing made no sense and got a grin out of me at the least. Can't really go wrong with that. As for the "doggy-style" comment, well, I just thought it was too easy, you know?

From: JnyAce13

Subject: mandible claw... er... sock... whatever

"BAD: How the hell does a sock in the mouth render a 240-pound manu unconscious? What's the medical logic there?"

well, if the mandible claw is actually applied, it hurts like hell, and can cause you to pass out. try it... its fun. stick your middle and ring fingers under your tongue and push down on the squishy stuff (please pardon my lack of technical terms) while, at the same time, pushing up about 1/4 inch behind your chinbone.

ouch,

josh

Ouch, indeed.

From: "Jon Lavigne"

Subject: Vague reference...

Brave, brave Sir Robin. (Intro to the cast of characters for "Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail)

That one was too easy, you just did a Python one.

I know! I know!

From: Toady203

Subject: Vague reference of the week

Also a Monty Python line, from Quest for the Holy Grail when the narrator is announcing who the Knights of the Round Table. Keep up the good work.

Mark Thomas

Thank you, I will!

From: Ian

Subject: vague reference o' the week

BETTER: Jimmy Hart one-upping him by donning a full suit of armor! Didn't Poffo wear something like that once? Ha! It's Sir Robin! He personally wet himself at the

Battle of Badon Hill. (There's your vague reference of the week, mail me the source and be the new king!)

Oh, come ON. It's Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Give me a hard one :)

Keep up the good work...

From: "Suzanne Gaida"

Subject: Obscure Reference

Easy one this week: The Holy Grail.

Sayeth the Knights Who Say Nee: Bring me a shrubbery!

Enough about that, WCW has gone straight downhill. Their backstage antics are far from entertaining. Every week, I read CRZ's Nitro report, and then I have to watch it just to see how stupid it is. (I'm in Canada, so we get it on Wednesday afternoons)

Come to think of it, I never watched Nitro consistently before, but now I do. Vince and Ed really are geniuses. The show is so bad now that I have to watch to laugh at them. Crap=3DRatings.

Dick

WCW may be in the gutter now, but the fact is, that's a step up from where they were earlier in the year.

From: Hitguy84

Subject: (not so)Vague reference

That's OBVIOUSLY from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

oh,and if I'm wrong,and you post this letter,won't I look like an idiot?Ermm......perhaps it's best to think positively.

~Alex Hampton

The positive-thinking thing doesn't work for me...let me know how you make out.

From: ShawnIsWar

Subject: I'm bored...

So that means trouble for you my friend because now I'm gonna give you a reallyyyyyyyyy long letter on yer column ! The Good: You have the best gimmick ( Seperating things in the good ,bad, and so on ) of all of us, it totally rocks and you give us great little short attention span snippets to chew on. I know Dean and Ollie do it too, but YOU

show up every week.

The Maybe : Sir Robin ! Is that a MP and the Holy Grail reference.

Interesting: Dennis Dubay a fellow columnist here at Slash interviewed Chae once. Also I understand she bats from both sides of the plate. Which is intriguing. Oh yes it is .

The Agreeable: I was really bored last night spinning CD's for the

uninspired in my gig as a Karaoke Host. I came up with a list of 25 singles wrestlers and ten tag teams that I would use in my fantasy promotion. (Yes I know it's lame) I put Hennig and Flair together and would have booked them as Tag Champs. Hennig rocks for sure. Are you aware of the Mr Spiffy concept the NetCop Scott Keith came up with for Hennig. Conceptually it's absolutely perfect. Heh Heh.

Observation of your Observation : I hate Konnan. The character anyway,

and I talked to Vampiro at a hall show in Flint ( of which a live in rural semi-suburb of ) and he hates Konnan too. He also hates Juvi. He hates a lot actually but he is really very nice. For a hater.

Sidenote : I'm really very unkeen on Steiner as well. I'm no Sid fan

either. I like Torrie and Kimberly but they can make better angles for all the women and Luchadores in the WCW. Asya and Midnight sound potentially cool in the fighting the big boys sweepstakes. I don't think the JR stuff, The quasi racist pinata stuff OR Hacksaw taking a dump are funny. I think Cyans' Pinata reference's are better than this match. Luger's new cowardly heel angle is great...of course me being in love with Liz don't hurt none. I think the begrudging hop by Malenko was exceptionally funny.

By The Way : I have a new column up that's so-so, but the next one (

already in CRZ's mailbox ) is pretty rockin'. Please read and advise.

The Exceptional : As you are the undisputed Leader of the Cyanamaniacs, I have zero problem with your referencing her as often as possible. She

mentions you a lot ( subtly ) in her column as well. I dig it...it's almost like...a romance angle ! Hot diggity. :)

The Reading: Yeah man, you is good readin'. Just the factoids and

snippets. Great Stuff.

Okay onto the Expansion Column......

Hey Hey ...THAT'S ME!!!! Ha! (under the guise of MonsterMan316 ) but

please just use my real name in the from :__________ part...since I'm a

fledgling author for this super site. I'll take all the name recognition I can get. Which is a good place to end :)

Thanks for always be a good read

Shawn Colton

Wow, that was a long column. Let's see...so Dennis spoke to Chae and found out she likes men and women, huh. Okay...let me take that in...

Yowza.

Okay, got it.

From: Phillip Mills

Subject: Sir Robin

sir robin the not-so-brave from monty python and the holy grail...

Phil Mills

From: "Azrael Heavy Industries"

Subject: vague reference of the week

BETTER: Jimmy Hart one-upping him by donning a full suit of armor! Didn't Poffo wear something like that once? Ha! It's Sir Robin! He personally wet himself at the Battle of Badon Hill. (There's your vague reference of the week, mail me the source and be the new king!)

if I am not mistaken that is another Monty Python Reference from the Movie "Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail" the line was one of Sir Robin's Minstrals, who were later eaten, and there was much rejoicing. "yaaay"

Thanks for writing a great, as well as funny, column, keep up the good work, it is appreciated.

Peter MacDonald

You're welcome. What the hell are "Heavy Industries"?

From: Craig Wagner

Subject: Probably not the first...

Why would I want to be the king 2 weeks in a row?

Greed?

Nah.

I step down as one who rules.

It's from "Holy Grail".

And Sir Robin, the not quite as brave as Sir Lancelot, who had nearly fought the Dragon of Angor, who had nearly defeated the viscious (sic?) Chicken of Bristol, and had personally wet himself at the Battle of Badon Hill. And the aptly named Sir Not Appearing in this Picture.

Though I'll probably be "Sir Not Appearing in Mike El And Jello's Next Column".

Here's one you can use for next week - "Always wipe and stay off the pipe" - guess where it's from...

-you know

oh. I think I have the go ahead to be writing a column at CRZ. I think.

The concept is me, a micro-recorder and a remote and my "off the cuff" musings on raw/nitro as I flip between the two. Kind of a stream of conciousness thing, but I will transcribe word for word from what I say into the cheesy micro-recorder.

It sounds complex, but it's not.

later.

I'll keep that "wipe -n- pipe" reference in mind. Way back there, but in mind. Good luck with your column.

From: "Jeff Gillis"

Subject: Obscure Referance

"Brave brave Sir Robin, He is not afraid to die in nasty ways. He is not afraid to have his eyes gauged out or his elbows broken

Sir Robin, the chickshit Knight of the Round Table in Monty Python's search for the holy Grail.

:) It twas an easy one

Jeff Gillis.

From: Kevin Nishimine

Subject: She turned me into a newt

Hey yo,

Two Monty Python references in a row? And Sir Robin was a lot easier than semprini. I'll forgive you since MP and the Holy Grail is perhaps the second funniest movie ever made.

I like that you're writing two columns, since you're the only one on CRZ's site that has anything worthwhile to read (that includes CRZ). I kinda figured you're a WCW mark, but that's not a bad thing (there are a lot of us out there still in the closet). I hate reading articles that go out of their way to bash the WCW; given their current state, it doesn't take that much creativity. And geez, it's JUST wrestling after all.

I'm gonna go out on a limb and predict your next Vague Reference of the Week before you even write it (if I'm correct, email me pix of CyanIndigo). The way I figure it, if you combine past references and comments about The Simpsons, Monty Python, and Pink Floyd, then you come up with the funniest movie ever made, This is Spinal Tap. Just an

educated guess, I'm sure it won't influence you next week...(but if you do use Spinal Tap, remember my prize...).

Your columns go to eleven,

-Kevin

Well, I might at some time have referred to the "greatest mockumentary of all time," but now you'd be expecting it, so forget it.

Thanks for the huge complements you tossed at me here, let me just humbly say that I think CRZ's stuff as well as a ton of other writers on this site is just awesome and you're missing out if you don't read more than just me.

From: "Joanna Hunter"

Subject: vauge reference

Ah, another Monty Python fan......

That is from Search for the Holy Grail, its the introduction to Sir Robin (Eric Idle)

I believe its right before ' Sir Not Appearing in this Movie

don't need to be king, just thought that was pretty damn funny....

joanna

From: "Hail Mary"

Subject: [slash] Wrestling

Greetin's, ya damn cretin!

Hey, you write some great articles... not as good as CyanIndigo's, though... of course I don't want you to start copying her style or anything, just keep doing what you do. Anyway, I thought of a name for your expansion column. What do you think about "More Booby"? That's actually a kinda vague reference in itself. I really doubt you'll use it, but at least I tried.

-Spazztic Hypocrit

Cretin? Me? You're the one who wants me to name my column "More Booby"!

Well, that's it for this week's Expansion Column. Be well and look for The Good, Bad, and Ugly later this week.

I am Michaelangelo and will be for a while.