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/wrestling /guests /Michaelangelo |
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/wrestling /guests /Michaelangelo |
| Guest Columns | Michaelangelo |
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GOOD, BAD AND UGLY FOR NOVEMBER 15, 1999 Good day once again, Michaelangelo here with precious little to say. Check out my other column (The Expansion Column) to read your letters and the new Question of the Week. I have decided to focus this column on the straight G, B, & U. I have decided to keep including a "Vague Reference of the Week." Each week, the first person to correctly identify the source of the reference will be dubbed the King or Queen for the week. Last week's vague reference was the word "semprini" in relation to things getting censored. This was a callback to an old Monty Python reference from the TV show. Apparently, at one point, the word "semprini" caused several people to be arrested (as part of the show, of course) when they said it. The King this week is Craig Wagner. Congrats! A correct answer also came from Kevin Nishimine. Props to Nick Miller for equating semprini with whale sperm. Don't ask. Okay, that's it for that. Let's move on to the real deal. Can you dig it? Well, let's dig in! WCW NITRO BAD: The Nitro Girls do not fight each other during the opening sequence. If they changed it so that Jazz and Spice were going at each other's hand to hair, I would love it. GOOD: Screaming Norman in his football uniform. BETTER: Jimmy Hart one-upping him by donning a full suit of armor! Didn't Poffo wear something like that once? Ha! It's Sir Robin! He personally wet himself at the Battle of Badon Hill. (There's your vague reference of the week, mail me the source and be the new king!) BAD: Okay, it's funny, but ridiculous. These two can hardly move. FUNNY: Screaming Norman living up to his name. FUNNIER: Brain on Norman's physical appearance. "Norman's been working out, look at the size of his shoulders." BAD: Ugly chairshots by Knobbs. Someone ought to tell Norman not to put his head down too soon. They look really worked. WHAT THE? Norman has the black makeup under his eyes. Little too much sun in that arena for you, Norman? GOOD: At least Norman won. At least. CLOSURE AT IT'S FINEST: Hart gets rolled out of the arena in the dumpster. Put the rest of the match in there too. GOOD: The booking of the Championship tournament. Benoit/Hall! Kidman/Hart! Yeah! BAD: "House of pain" cage match? Too many gimmick matches. GOOD: Hennig/Goldberg! Think Mr. Perfect can get a good match out of Billy? I think so. BAD: Kimberly in pants tonight? Methinks they spoiled us with all those shots of her running in the minidress last week. GOOD: Nash is still in makeup! This week it's Sid and he actually resembles the big guy. GOOD: Chae! Wooo! She's looking hot with that hat on backwards. BAD: AC Jazz, out of the Nitro Girls? I heard that it was her refusal to mud wrestle. Awww... GOOD: Looks like Tygress is filling in for her. BAD: The Hall and Nash need new music. The Wolfpack is dead, long live the Outsiders. GOOD: Nash's mannerisms as Sid. He nailed it! I WONDER: Looks like Sid's in for a face push. Perhaps he'll become Sid Justice again. GOOD: Nash's monologue as Sid. He nailed it again! BAD: Sid is the face here, but the crowd is booing him... GOOD: Sid's mic work. Definite improvement. GOOD: Sid challenging Nash to a match tonight. BAD: Chances are the match won't happen tonight. BAD: Booker T. Versus Creative Control...again? Please. GOOD: Creative Control and Kimberly. The short skit with one of them smelling his pits after being snubbed by Kimberly was a bit funny. I also liked it because if they do something besides stand around menacingly, they are ahead of the game. GOOD: Russo may not want to be on camera, but he sure is good on the microphone. I loved the way he put Kimberly down. BAD: Calling Creative Control Gerald and Patrick. Lame...very lame. GOOD: Nash sitting down at the end of the vignette. Hmm...maybe Sid will be wrestling him tonight. BAD: Chavo selling crap? Uh...he's an in-ring talent...use him in the ring. GOOD: Nash is no longer retired! He will fight Sid! Wow! That's WWF booking for you. BAD: Creative control fighting in suits. Okay, enough already. GOOD: Booker T. loses clean. AWESOME SWERVE: The lights go out, the Undertaker's "bong" goes off. For a moment...just a moment...I wondered. Hey, he has been gone for a while. GOOD: The big woman that helped out Booker. My brother-in-law coined a great nickname for her. Hooker T. BAD: Okay, it wasn't that good a nickname. GOOD: She's still cool, though. She's as big as Booker. GOOD: Russo recalling Creative Control's previous gimmicks as a threat. Not unfunny. BAD: Johnny Boon versus Evan Kariagas. This smacks too much of the "Dangerous" Danny Davis angle the WWF did in the 80's. I hated that too. WORSE: Madusa has arrived and she's wearing Old Glory...again. GOOD: Tony: "We have been joined by Madusa." Brain: "Why? Are we coming apart?" UGLY: Madusa's commentary. She sounded like a phone sex operator. Uh...not that I would know how that sounds. Uh...really. Uh...have I mentioned CyanIndigo's perfect breasts yet? Ulp. BAD: This match. GOOD: Russo calling El Dandy, "Lou Ferrigno Jr." I thought I was the only one who saw that. GREAT: The five high flying luchadores in a piñata match. The concept is questionable, but I'll take any match with these five guys going at it. VAGUE CYANINDIGO REFERENCE THAT WILL PISS OFF MY READERS: Piñata, where have I heard that before? GOOD: Dr. Death! Swerved again! FOR YOUR INFO: The guy playing Jim Ross is newly acquired writer, Ed Ferrara. He was the same guy Steve Williams German suplexed onto his head a few months ago for making fun of JR. He's funny as hell. BAD: The piñata fell down a minute into the match and nobody noticed. When they did, why did they try to put it back up instead of tearing it open and retrieving the check? GOOD: This match otherwise. HYSTERICAL: Ferrara as JR: "Piñata! Piñata! Piñata!" "Dr. Death will go through this locker room like a hemophiliac through a package of band-aids." "Who's your daddy?!?!" GOOD: Dr. Death kicking ass. He may be old and kind of flabby, but he is one of the baddest mothers in the industry. GOOD: He was a bit careful with his German suplex. Nobody landed on their heads. NASTY: Silver King being powerslammed onto the turnbuckle. That looked painful. GOOD: Nash shooting on how much it sucked in WCW and why he came back. I also liked the "kicking your teeth out from the inside line." GOOD: Goldberg and Hennig fighting their way to the ring. Some of those shots looked stiff. UGLY: Hennig kicking the camera man. Oops. BAD: The match goes 5 minutes without getting in the ring. GOOD: Hennig holding his own against The Big G. Hennig is cool. BAD: Goldberg no-selling Hennig's attacks. He needs to take a lesson in how to pretend you're hurt from Bret Hart. BAD: Hennig submitting in 5 seconds to a leg bar. Uh, okay. GOOD: This means that the "Hennig loses and gets pinned" angle is finally over. BAD: Tony says that "Hennig was not pinned!" at the end of the match. I guess that means it isn't. GOOD: The vignette with Hacksaw and Kimberly. Funny in a ridiculous sort of way. BAD: Think about this, Hacksaw said that the fuses in the building were always going out. Uh, how would he know? They only just got there that night. BAD: The Filthy Animals and their little huddle. Too cartoonish for me. Besides, I hate Konnan. OBSERVATION: Who doesn't hate Konnan? THE "WHAT?" MOMENT OF THE NIGHT: Chavo and Hacksaw talking fuses. What the fuck was that all about? BAD: I thought Vampiro's makeup was cool last week. In this light, he looks like Frankenstein. GOOD: Calling Berlyn's bodyguard "Wall." There's something cool about that. Must be the Pink Floyd fan in me. BAD: The Misfits are wrestling. I already hate them as much as ICP. BAD: Another guy (Wall) wrestling in a suit and tie. GOOD: The Wall's chokeslam! Holy Christ! He bounces those Misfits off the mat like rubber balls. GOOD: Tension between The Wall and Berlyn. I have already been impressed with Wall's first outing. Love to see him on his own, away from Wright. GREAT: As if to taunt me, Wright hits a top rope powerbomb on Vampiro to prove that he's no slouch either. BAD: Vamp jobs again. BAD: Why don't the Misfits help him when Berlyn chokes him with the chain? INTERESTING: The old WWF-style shot of the franchise player (Goldberg) hanging around backstage. GOOD: Torrie Wilson has to wear a ref bikini. BAD: Her pretending to be disgusted to wear a skimpy little outfit in the ring. Like that bothered her before. GOOD: Sid versus Steiner. Finally, we are going to see DFG get destroyed. BAD: These two are the masters of the no-sell offense. BAD: Sid blatantly calling a spot to Steiner in the crowd. Make it a bit less obvious big man. AWESOME: Sid powerbombing DFG clear through the stage! Can it get any better?!?! YES, IT CAN: Stretcher job for Steiner. BAD: You can tell that the part of the stage that Steiner went through was breakaway wood. FUNNY: The EMT's are not strong enough to lift Steiner up and into the ambulance. UGLY: Sid's yellow teeth. Hey, Plax works good for that. WHO CARES? Jerry Flynn versus the Barbarian in a "Block fight." GOOD: Flynn looks pretty good out there. BAD: This is not the Barbarian's element, so the match is kind of lopsided and slow. BAD: The Barbarian falling very lightly to the floor. Crappy, crappy, crappy. GOOD: Asya. She is looking HOT. AMAZING: I never thought I'd ever write the sentence above. GREAT: Crippler's interview. He's getting much better on the stick. A MOMENT OF CLARITY: Chris Benoit, a main eventer in WCW. Hello? Am I dreaming? BAD: When are they going to explain how Asya went from Flair to the Revolution? GOOD: Kimberly. She fills that little outfit well. BETTER: Torrie Wilson in a striped bikini! Okay, I know that this is not wrestling, but hubba hubba. I WONDER: How would CyanIndigo look in that little number? Yowza. HOW CONVENIENT: Torrie wearing 2 bikinis, so that we don't get a free show when Asya grabs her by the front of her top. BAD: Kidman covers Torrie up. Boy, now he's a heel. The crowd hates that. BAD: Kimberly looking left and right before attacking Asy from behind. What did she expect to see, traffic coming? BAD: David Flair out to end this match. GOOD: Asya looking good by hitting a salto and a nut shot on the Boy Naitch. GOOD: Flair's suplex on Asya. Not bad, kid. INTERESTING: Another backstage shot of Sting without his makeup. Why doesn't he just lose it altogether? YEAH, YEAH, YEAH: Who cares why Goldberg is still there? BAD, BUT MILDLY AMUSING: Flair talking to the camera as Kimberly runs off in fear. GOOD: Scott Hall versus Chris Benoit. The booking alone makes this the match of the night. BAD: Isn't hall the US Champ? Where's his belt? GOOD: Hart accompanying Benoit to the ring. Let's ensure a clean bout... GOOD: You gotta love a feeling out process that involves a toothpick and snot. Yep. INTERESTING FACT: Up until recently, Chris Benoit was an Internet hero who never had a title reign in the WCW. If he wins this tournament, he will have held every title in this fed except the Cruiserweight Championship. What does that say about the Internet's effect on a man's career? Godspeed to the gold, Crippler. GREAT: Benoit's chops of iron and Hall selling it as if he was being kicked by a mule with each shot. Bless both these boys. UGLY: Nasty looking lariat on Benoit after he got tagged by Nash on the apron. Wow. That's what you call STIFF. BAD: Hall's hair when it dries. Looks like a bird's nest to me. GOOD: Sid with a powerbomb! The heels get screwed! BETTER: Benoit hits the flying headbut! BEST: Hall taps out to the Crippler Crossface! Great match with a great ending. Kudos to all involved. BAD: Buff. I forgot about that guy. He's not terrible, but lately I have just cooled off to his presence. GOOD: Heenan on Schiavone: "Who knows what you said? I ignore you most of the time." BAD: Brett Hart helped out Benoit during the last match. Why isn't Benoit out there to watch the Hitman's back from the Filthy Animals? WARNING: If Hart tries to powerbomb Kidman, I will be pissed off. CONFUSING: Now, Rey's commentary firmly places the Animals as a face group (he does the "mutual respect" shtick about Hart). But when they attack security guards and steal their money, aren't they heels? What the fuck? GREAT: Hart wins clean with a submission and avoids the Outsiders at the same time. Plus, Nash gets a token powerbomb in on Kidman. Again, good booking. The matches may be a bit shorter, but you gotta love the endings. BAD: It just so happens that the cook has some fresh brownies ready for Luger and Liz? Come on. They weren't even wrapped! BAD: "Slap Nuts" is bleeped AGAIN! What's so wrong with that? GOOD: Bagwell with a GREAT dropkick on Jarrett. BAD: Another "crooked referee" angle? Now what? GOOD: Dustin Rhodes makes the save. I always hated the Golddust gimmick. I kind of like that badass look he has now. BAD: Goldberg using his headbutt to win a free Surge from the machine. Let's try to keep the commercials to a minimum. BAD: Ex-Lax in the brownies. Should we call him Lax Luger? WHAT THE HELL? What was with Saturn during that Revolution interview? I gotta admit, when Malenko begrudgingly "jumped," I snickered... UGLYY: Well, it's gonna be ugly when those laxatives kick in on poor old Duggan. GOOD: The Revolution have a cool pose a-la the Impact Players on their way into the ring. There's a poster waiting to happen. GOOD: This House of Pain match. Three of the participants are among the best workers in the fed. Plus Konnan gets tuned up. BAD: Did Douglas say that Guerrero was "trapped like a bug in a rug"? STUPID: Rey trying to take on all the Revolution at once. It doesn't get much dumber than that. GOOD: The Revolution kicking the hell out of Rey after he is hung upside down from the cage. Not only does it advance the angle but it will also explain Rey's upcoming surgery to those without the benefit of an Internet connection. GOOD: Sting is a face again. OKAY: This match. Not terrible. A bit overbooked, but Meng making the save was definitely a shocker. GOOD: Having Sting go over Luger was a nice surprise. That means three faces and one heel go on to the finals of the Championship tournament. BAD: The toilet humor of Duggan after eating the laxatives. I think we could have done without the sound effects. QUESTION: Has Sid officially made the jump to face? He was playing to the crowd on his way down. I'm just asking, is all. SO-SO: This match. These two big guys can only be so entertaining...not their fault. They worked fairly hard. GREAT: Goldberg with a double spear on the Outsiders. BAD: Why did the ref ring the bell? I thought it was no holds barred. CONFUSED: Sid attacks Goldberg...so I guess he's a heel again? What? Uh? Ay! I give up! OVERALL: Good show once again. The pacing was fast and furious and sometimes hard to keep up with, but still better than the shows from earlier this year. For all those out there who think that the WCW has become WWF lite, I say this. Yes, it has, but who cares? The roster is stronger in Turnerland and the angles seem fresher with these new guys. Just enjoy it and stop bitching. It's an improving company and that's all that matters. WWF RAW GOOD: HHH looking pissed off. He does it well. GOOD: I like the Show with the title. He was over just enough that the belt will put him over the top. Also, it diversifies the upper card. Put Test, Kane, Jericho, and Edge on that list and WWF has its future main eventers. GOOD: HHH saving face by recalling all the events of the past couple of months. He was put through the ringer by Vince and Co. and he did stand up to all of it. Remember when he had to run the gamut. BAD: Vince still using the "No Chance in Hell" theme music. Time for an upgrade. BAD: Vince using the "doggy style" line on Jesse James in regards to prison time. UGLY: Stone Cold getting run over by the car. Kudos to the stunt team on that one. INTERESTING: DX getting arrested. That may be the first time a HEEL group was arrested for breaking the law. Usually it's the good guys getting taken out in cuffs. GOOD: Lillian Garcia is looking particularly hot tonight. I love those flowy little skirts. Yee-ha. Yowza. YET ANOTHER CYANINDIGO REFERENCE THAT YOU CAN FEEL FREE TO SKIP IF IT WILL CAUSE YOU TO WRITE ME A LETTER OF COMPLAINT: Short flowy skirts...hint hint. WHY? Val's wearing his towel again...does this mean he's melding back into a face? BECAUSE: Nope, he was going to say, "Hello, skanks." GOOD: Mankind with the face rake across the ropes. You just don't see that enough these days. AWESOME: Val selling the double-arm DDT. I love it. Planted! BAD: How the hell does a sock in the mouth render a 240-pound man unconscious? What's the medical logic there? GOOD: Road Dogg saying his name is "Dees Nuts." LUNA: Gargle with salt water. Clear that throat infection right up for you. GOOD: Luna hints that she has found someone. That may be Gangrel, her real life hubby. I think having those two together would do great things for both of them. BAD: The Godfather out there...again. This gimmick is starting to wear on me a bit. WELL, ON SECOND THOUGHT: Yeah, I'd miss the Ho's too. Keep him coming. GOOD: Is it me or does the Ho in black leather look like Daisy Fuentes? GOOD: Kurt Angle. I saw him at a dark match a few weeks ago. He's not bad in the ring and has a realistic gimmick. No complaints here. GOOD: Angle's in-ring style. He uses classic wrestling with enough of the 90's style to keep it interesting. BAD: Angle wins, but with a distraction. He should be winning clean. GOOD: The cops questioning McMahon. It's about time someone did. The longest running angle in WWF history was the McMahon hates Austin thing. All of a sudden, it's over and nobody questions it? Finally. Vindication. BAD: If you think about it, just about everyone is a suspect. Why not question The Rock, The Undertaker, The Big Show, etc... GOOD: Jericho looking ashamed to having been beaten by Chyna. GREAT: Luna and Gangrel together. I am also glad they still use his original music. GOOD: Chyna teasing Jericho about his loss...and what he said he'd do if he did lose the match. BAD: Jericho losing to Chyna was a definitively bad thing for his career. He'd better win the next feud... WORSE: He loses to Gangrel now. Jesus. GOOD: Jericho snapping after having been pushed too far. This had better lead to a couple of WINS!!! BAD: McMahon says that HHH has to start at the bottom and work his way up again and then books him against Kane. Is Kane the lowest rung? Wouldn't that honor go to someone like Shawn Stasiak or Pete "Gas?" BAD: Jerry Brisco calling McMahon an "honest persons." GOOD: Pat recalling past events in which McMahon was not so nice. GOOD: The Acolytes. I like this new poker playing, bar fighting gimmick. UGLY: Stiff shots all round on the four guys who attacked Bradshaw and Farouk. That broom shot to the face was a wincer. UGLIER: After the break, even stiffer shots to those guys again! Bradshaw is a monster with the chair! BAD: The Chokeslam on Bulldog. Weak. I know his back can't take it, but hey. It looked lame. BAD: JR saying that The Big Show is the biggest man in the history of the organization. Wasn't Andre the biggest man in the WWF history? GOOD: The cops questioning Rocky. Consistency. QUESTION: How does Rocky keep a straight face during his interviews? GOOD: Cole trying not to laugh at Rock's "jelly donut up the ass" line. GOOD: The King ratting out Jim Ross. I love it! BAD: Road Dogg playing up to the audience until his last line. He has to be more heelish throughout his routine to get over as a bad guy. WORSE: By the time he gets it, he'll be a face again. UGLY: Snow grabbing Doggy's package. I felt that all the way to my toes. (Don't ask.) BAD: What's the deal with Snow wearing the "Job Squad" togs? Time for new gear, Al. BAD: King bringing up the Wal-Mart ban on Al Snow's action figure. Let it go. GOOD: Al losing and freaking out. This is an angle that I could come to enjoy. Throw in a little Mankind and his sing along and you have a winner. BAD: When is Kane going to learn that when it looks like a setup, it usually is. GOOD: Jericho getting his psychotic revenge against Chyna. He can play this part well. GOOD: Jericho beating on Chyna's hand with the hammer. I wonder how they pulled that off. Rubber hand? Rubber hammer? GOOD: Chyna's selling of the hammer shot. She's just that good. UGLY: Chyna's thumb with her glove off. Yegads. Did they get ILM to do the effects? Yuck. BAD: The Patriots are getting beat in our own backyard by the TUNA'S JETS! FUCK!!! GOOD: Test versus Billy Gunn. Cool match! I love the fact that he won with a rollup! That's something you don't see every day. GREAT: Arnold beating on HHH at Smackdown. If you didn't mark out when you saw that, you don't deserve to be a wrestling fan. GOOD: HHH versus Kane. I'd REALLY like to see Kane go over this match. GOOD: Vince on HHH losing the belt. "Triple H screwed Triple H." Touche, WCW. GOOD: The pie face on Vinny Mac by HHH. It looked like he hit his neck on the barrier behind him. GOOD: Vinnie Mac and Kane teaming against HHH. I just love a good beatdown. WHAT WOULD HAVE MADE IT BETTER: If Kane chokeslammed McMahon just for kicks. BAD: The Rock in a hardcore match. It's just not his style. BAD: Why the hell is the Bossman a top contender for the WWF Title? Because he dragged a coffin across a cemetery with his car? BAD: These morons who stick their signs in front of the camera when the wrestlers brawl into the crowd. We don't care what witty slogan or picture you brought to the arena. We want to see the action. GOOD: The Rock taking a picture of the downed Bossman. Kodak moment indeed, JR. BAD: Prince Albert is out...how predictable. GOOD: The Rock gets the better of these two...for a while. GOOD: I called the Bossman's blading. GOOD: Rocky gong nuts on everyone. Hey, I would if I lost to the Bossman during a RAW main event. He should team with Jericho now. OVERALL: Couple of good matches in there, but again, the shows seem to be lacking something. I can't quite put my finger on what that is, but I have been less and less interested in what's going on during this show. Maybe it's the continual regurgitation of the same wrestlers. Maybe it's just me. Well, that's it for this week's installment. Be sure to check out my other column for more mirth and mayhem. Just a quick note. Last week, I implored Bob Ryder to admit that he is a shill for whoever signs his paycheck or I would dog the shit out of him. Well, imagine my shock and alarm when he did it on the post-Nitro edition of WCW Live! Check it out, it's archived on wcw.com. Later, taters. Write me or bite me at michaelangelo70@hotmail.com. For the record, I prefer if you write me. All letters will be answered or folded into party hats. I am Michaelangelo and will be for a while. Michaelangelo [slash] wrestling Mail the Author |
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