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| Guest Columns | Michaelangelo |
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GOOD, BAD AND UGLY FOR NOVEMBER 1, 1999 Hey all you Internet freaks out there. Didja miss your old pal Michaelangelo? Well, for those who care, I am still not quite 100% just yet, and it looks like I won't be for a long time. However, it's gonna take more than a crumbling personal life to keep me from writing this piddly-ass column for my half-dozen fans. Besides, my counselor says it's therapeutic, so, here we go. The good news is that my company finally sprung for a new laptop for me...it's totally mine. If you don't have one, I strongly suggest you get one, especially if you write any kind of column. It beats scribbling notes for five hours and then coming back and trying to make out what you wrote. Okay, let's get back into the swing of things with a new edition of: Mail Sack Okay, just one letter that I figured was relevant, and here it is: From: Ronnie Brown Subject: REAL BAD ASSES! I was lucky enough to spend 13yrs. in the NFL as a team photographer. I saw many great black athletes with similar "brandings" on their bodies to that of "HARLEM HEAT". That is the sign of an all black fraternity [omega ka?] composed of the biggest, baddest, and best!! Keep up the good work. "DOWNTOWN" Now that is cool to know. Thanks a bunch, Downtown. This week's question is a simple one. It should be easy for everyone to answer. I came to me in the wake of the "new" WCW, full of T & A and everything nice... Who is the hottest woman in wrestling today (any federation)? Okay guys, turn on your libidos and get your engines running. I expect a ton of answers. Mail them to michaelangelo70@hotmail.com. Okay, on with the show. The Good, Bad, and Ugly for Monday, November 1, 1999 WCW NITRO GOOD: The opening tirades between Hall, Nash, and Hart. Here's three guys who kick it on the stick and in vignettes. GOOD: The continued mic work from Hart. His renouncement of the title really puts him over as a major face. SUSPICIOUS: An allegiance between Hall, Nash and Sid. Come on, who's going to be the first to screw someone. My money's on The Outsiders to shove a stick up Sid's ass BAD: Sid getting back the US strap. Jesus. Not again. GOOD: Torrie Wilson's ass. Okay, I let my libido run wild. GOOD: The tournament for the championship. It's a great way to get some good matches between talented stars that wouldn't normally face each other. It is a great way to start new feuds too and it puts a much-needed focus on the World Title Race. I like the fact that they took out Goldberg early and that Nash, Hogan, and Flair are not in the tourney. As long as Sting doesn't win it, we finally get a new face with the belt. Hart? Benoit? Vampiro? Luger? Jarrett? I would accept any of those guys. GOOD: Vampiro! Woo.=20 BAD: If they job him to Berlyn, I will be pissed. MICHAEL JACKSON ESQUE: That "one-glove" look on Berlyn's bodyguard. BAD: Berlyn kicking Vampiro's ass? GOOD: ICP is officially gone. BAD: The Misfits seem to have replaced them. GOOD: I kind of like the Misfits. They did help Vampiro win and they aren't fucking clowns. GOOD: Alex Wright is speaking English again. Later, Uda. BAD: Why didn't the announcers mention it? KINKY (AT LEAST BY SHANE DOUGLAS' STANDARDS): Torrie Wilson in a shark cage. Uh, okay. A FASHION STATEMENT: Saturn in a fanny pack. Uh...okay, Perry. BAD: A match for the freedom and ownership of Torrie Wilson. Does she get any say in this? BAD: Malenko telling Benoit that he's too soft. Uh, The Crippler? Too soft? Tell that to his snots. GOOD: The crowd response to the mic work between the Crippler and the Revolution. Wow. They sent the heat big time and in the right places. "Silent and Violent." I'm on board, Chris. GOOD: How do you make a good Benoit/Malenko match even better? Do it in a steel cage. Yeah, I know it's probably just an excuse to have The Crippler do the flying headbutt off the top of the cage, but who's complaining? GOOD: Benoit referring to himself as "The Wolverine." That's a total buzzword...way cool. Gthey should have cast him in the X-Men movie. BAD: The Filthy animals rolling a security guard, on camera. Uh, isn't that a...oh, I don't know, crime? GOOD: Kimberly leaving the Nitro Girls. Now she can be used more in angles. BAD: The reactions by the rest of the Nitro Girls at the news. Talk about your bad acting. STILL UNDECIDED: The Cat's return. The women valets are a nice touch...I guess he's is the Godfather... GOOD: More Lash Leroux. He's got serious potential and I think that the new bookers realize it. BAD: He's gonna job to Miller tonight. I can feel it in my bones. GOOD: WOW! Miller tapped out?!? There seems to be a lot of that going on. GOOD: Hart promising to get even before the show is over. GOOD: Dissention among the Nitro Girls. If they break into a brawl during their next performance, Nitro has officially become my favorite program ever. MY FIRST OFF-WRESTLING COMMENT: Did you ever notice that in the movies like The Bone Collector, the killer leaves tons of intricate clues to tease the law enforcement folks into trying to catch him? Do killers really go to all that trouble, or do they just kill people until they get caught? Just asking. BAD: Kid Cam. Can you say GTV? BAD: The sound on Kid Cam was way unsynched and they accidentally caught the technicians at the end of it. That was almost too sloppy to be accidental. Russo must be screaming his head off...or was he? Gotta admit, when you're breaking kayfabe in one of your top angles, well... BAD: Papa Pump looking bad. He looks weak and tired. He'd best take all the time he needs to recover. QUESTION: What happened to the Nitro Girl search? AWESOME: A catfight during the Nitro Girls' performance. Who'da thunk it? Well, besides me? Nitro is officially my favorite program ever. DANGEROUS: Buff messing with kayfabe. It seems a bit close to home here. They'd better tread carefully on these grounds because the farther they go, the harder it will be to go back. BAD: The sound when we see the made up guy backstage. You could barely hear him. GOOD: The Nitro Girls continuing to fight backstage. Did Spice call Jazz a bitch? Wow. CRZ must be LOVING LIFE. I WONDER: Do the Nitro girls agree to all this crap? I wonder how long before there are no more Nitro Girls at all and they are all part of the new Women's Division. BAD: This Bagwell angle. Why would Buff be pissed about the strap match if he knows what the match's scripted ending will be? Uh, if it's all fake, and Bagwell is letting us know it, why is he worried about Stevie Ray and a leather strap? BAD: The strap match itself. It's almost ugly. UGLY: The cluster that is the end of this match. I thought you had to actually be hit by someone to get a DQ victory. The way I see it, that guy in the suit could have been aiming for Stevie Ray...why not give the Harlem Heater the victory? GOOD: Jarrett. He's way more over in WCW than he was in WWF. (Come on, we know those cheers were for the puppies.) If he gets the Nitro Girls in a mud pit, he will achieve godlike status. BAD: That prosthetics job they did on Nash...yik. I guess he does look a little like Vinnie Mac, in a disgusting, post apocalyptic, face melting off sort of way. BAD: They should have tried to imitate the "No Chance" theme when Nash came out as McMahon. That would have been funny. GOOD, IN SPITE OF POPULAR OPINION: I liked the skit Nash did making fun of McMahon. I know most of the references were dated and he looked more like the bastard son of Big Bird and Jay Leno, but his comments cracked me up. I would have loved it if Hall did an Austin impression. I love to see Nitro poking fun at the big guy. It makes more sense to attack when you are losing in the ratings...kind of like a cornered animal. Nothing to lose. BETTER: What Hall said. He always seems to sound like he's shooting. I'll take him over Austin. WHAT THE HELL? Meng and a banana share a tender moment? What the hell was that? Isn't that one of the seven signs of the apocalypse? GOOD: Henning. I said it before. I love this guy in the ring and on the mic. Somehow he manages to make any crappy angle they stick him in better by his presence. GOOD: Henning's father, Larry "The Axe" Henning, at ringside. I marked out when he clobbered Disco. Dude's got big ass fists. BAD: Another screwy ending. You'd think that these guys would pay more attention to the match when it's part of the World Championship Tournament.=20 QUESTION: Is that the guy who loved Lodi a few weeks ago? STUPID: Konnan with a dealer's visor on upside down and backwards. K-Dogg, you look like a fucking asshole. What? That's what you're going for? Oh, my bad. FUNNY AS HELL: Smiley in baseball pads. The fact that they are calling him Mr. Hardcore is funny too. Hey, it got Bob Holly over, and he didn't have the Big Wiggle. HORRIBLE: The hardcore match itself. What a clusterfuck. It's just three guys beating each other with foreign objects and only one of them selling. UGLY: A bloody shoulder on Norman Smiley. LAME: Okay, giving Norman another off-kilter win was kind of cool, but they missed the action in the ring that caused the Barbarian and Meng to knock each other out, and the referee should have counted the 1-2-3 for Meng before Smiley got back to the ring. Eh? GOOD: Duggan in a suit. His tailor is excellent...you could barely tell how fat he is. BAD: Didn't Russo say he wasn't going to be on-camera? It's only a matter of time. GOOD: Duggan's reaction to Russo's comments. The big lug was actually convincing. I felt bad for him. REPETETIVE: "I got your INSERT NOUN right here." GOOD: Meng inserted into a decent angle. Will he feud with Jarrett or TP? Now he needs a voicebox. May I suggest anyone but Sonny Oono? I LIKE IT: The term "slap nut." Ha! It just rolls off the tongue. BAD: That tire iron Luger took to Meng's noggin seemed to bend an awful lot. HAVE YOU NOTICED: That Sting is out of makeup on camera twice in the past two weeks? Just saying, is all. COULD BE GOOD, COULD BE BAD: All these gimmick matches. If they have a "Meng-style banana eating match," I'm switching to RAW. BAD: Why did Eddie roll Saturn back into the ring before going for the key? That was very shortsighted. GREAT: Eddie doing a springboard tornado DDT on Saturn. Great spot. BAD: Tony barely acknowledges it. GOOD: Sid freaking at Nash thinking he was the real thing. I actually got a kick out of that. I bet it made Sid feel really good for a few seconds. GOOD: The Total Package with all the airtime. Better hope he doesn't get hurt again. GOOD: Sting and Luger versus the Filthy Animals for the tag straps. BAD: Who the hell is the heel group here? BAD: Sting's role has become so convoluted and the crowd is so confused as to how to react to him that he seems to be losing all his heat, good and bad. AYYY: Luger screwing Sting again? For God's sake. That didn't take long. BAD: The Filthy Animals. Faces or heels? Jesus, just give us a clue. They beat up a security guard as heels. When they freed Torrie, they were faces. They punked out Sting, now they're heels again. PREDICTABLE: Hall gonna lay down for Sid? Not likely. Screwjob anyone? GREAT BOOKING: Jarrett versus Booker T. If anyone can give us a match to remember, it's these two guys. GOOD: Booker T landing a sweet uranage (Rock Bottom) on Jarrett.=20 GOOD: I like the idea of Jarrett being the chosen one and getting help to beat Booker. Think about it, you have a pretty over WWF heel, two recently released WWF twins, and two WWF writers all making the jump at once...it's almost like an intellectual takeover. Kind of like NWO with more cunning. I like it. NOT UNCOOL: Goldberg's interview. I like this guy as the center of the federation. Why did they bury him early in the night against guys like Jerry Flynn and Bobby Eaton? Oh yeah, Bischoff sucked.=20 FUNNIER: Nash as McMahon as the night goes on. I am starting to laugh hard at this, especially when he stopped the three-on-three Nitro Girl brawl that nearly started in the parking lot. Save it for the Pay Per View. Ha! BAD: If Madusa's hot, Kariagas is blind. He'll get a close up view in the ring. Perhaps he'll change his mind. Did you all see those chins come out and play? OFF BALANCE: Madusa. Think about it. FUNNY: Heenan on Madusa, "She looks like the world's sexiest barber pole." PREDICTABLE: This match. If Medusa wins, she faces Jarrett. We all know that Evan is not going over this bout. BAD: Kariagas wrestling in khakis. BAD: This match is just a travesty. Bob Ryder? I dare you! WORSE: It will probably raise the ratings a full point for the quarter hour. PSYCHO: David Flair talking to his tire iron. "There's a kind of hush, all over the world tonight..." Get that reference and I'll declare you the king... THIS BETTER BE THE LAST ONE: I love a good Benoit/Malenko fight, but this is their fourth in three months. GREAT: Benoit smacking Malenko's face into the cage and powerbombing him in one fell swoop. Great spot. GOOD: Of course, Benoit goes over Malenko. What are the odds he ends up with the title when this tourney is over? AWESOME: Benoit with a top of the cage headbutt. Sorry Test, move over. This was too cool. GOOD: Giving Asya to the Revolution. She looks like, if given a chance, she could really get over. She's got the size and the looks. They just have to change her name. CONFUSING, BUT GOOD: Uh, okay, the Revolution beat up Benoit. That makes sense. Now, the Filthy animals rush the ring, but this isn't a save. They just hate the Revolution. Okay, got that. Now David Flair is in and he lays out the Filthy Animals and frees Benoit. Sting nails Konnan to retrieve his bat. Okay. Here we are. It all makes sense. The faces are Benoit, Sting, and Flair because they all got screwed over by members of the Revolution and The Filthy Animals respectively. It's convoluted but makes sense and furthers the angles. MORE CONFUSION: To add to matters, you got David Flair getting run over by Kimberly. The world is one big interconnected angle. OOH, INTRIGUE: Who punked out Nash? Sid? Hart? Who cares? BAD: Scott Hall wearing a shirt with the NWO logo on it. GOOD: This match. It made sense. Hall tried to screw Sid (as expected), but failed and took a beating for his trouble. He only won when Hart interfered. GOOD: Rumor has it that Hart will ally with the Outsiders. I kind of like that idea. OVERALL: The show is definitely moving faster these days. I could have done without the Madusa match and the Meng versus a banana segment, and some production issues need to be addressed (missed cues, recording equipment visible). The show is getting better and once they iron out the wrinkles, could really start to gain ground on RAW. WWF RAW BAD: A heel turn for Road Dogg. It's really bad when you take a guy who's over as a major face and turn him heel because you don't know what else to do with him. GOOD AND BAD: I'm glad the Rock came up with a catchphrase that he can apply to all the cities he visits, but I wish he'd come up with some new material. GOOD: Maivia using the phrase "Blemish on the Rock's buttocks." I stand corrected...and disgusted. GOOD: Starting out with a decent match.=20 BAD: We know it's gonna be a screwjob. BAD: As my brother-in-law says. "Road Dogg looks good for a guy who just had his leg caught in a bear trap." Yeah, wouldn't a bear trap practically cut your leg off if you stepped in it? It is designed to hold a BEAR, you know. BAD: Here's DX tuning on the Rock. We all saw that coming. GOOD: Looks like The Big Show's face turn is complete. He shaved the facial hair. I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH THIS: The Big Show's dying father angle. As long as he's okay with exploiting his dead father, who am I to criticize? Perhaps, though, they should make a donation to cancer research in the name of this angle. BAD: Smoke bomb to take the Big Show out? Seems uninspired to me. I would have released killer bees. BAD: The EMT's that are helping TBS. That blonde is there every week. Do the WWF have their own private EMT's or is there a hot blonde on every local crew? GREAT: The eight-man double tag match between Edge, Christian and the Hardies versus Too Much and the Hardcores. These eight guys should put on an awesome show. BAD: Too Much. Their new gimmick is lame. If I have to explain why, then you shouldn't be reading this column. REHASHED: Torrie's attachment to Kane. Haven't we seen this before? Why the hell would Kane trust her? He trusted Chyna and she low-blowed him. He trusted X-Pac and he low-blowed him. I think I see a pattern here. GOOD: Torrie's acting skills when she got into X-Pac's face. Not bad, lady. GOOD: Al Snow and Mankind backstage. These two have chemistry as good as, if not better than, the Rock and Sock connection. GOOD: Mankind and Al Snow together in a hardcore match. BAD: Val Venis messing with Mankind's shit again. I though this feud was over. OUCH: A bowling ball to the...well...balls of The Big Bossman. GOOD: Chyna has new music. I kind of like the "Master/Slave" shirts too. BAD: I am glad that Chyna is on her own and not hooking up with DX, but what happens when she drops the title? Where will she go then? What will happen to Miss Kitty? Tune in next week for "As the Title Turns." OKAY, ENOUGH ALREADY: Stevie Richards imitating other wrestlers gimmicks. He's got to be running out of ideas by now. Let's let it die. GOOD: About time Jericho got the best of Chyna. It seemed that he'd never get his shots in. WHY? Road Dogg wearing Droz's sequined top hat? Is that a tribute or is he trying to look like a freak? INTERESTING: Austin out at 10 p.m.? What's the main event? Rocky and Austin getting ring time this early is kind of odd. QUESTION: Is Billy known as "Mr. Ass" or "Bad Ass" or what?=20 UGLY: Stone Cold's gut. Is it me or is Austin getting flabby? GOOD: This match. It's startlingly good. These two boys put on a decent show. BAD: I am happy that Austin managed to avoid the screwjob by rolling out of the ring when DX ran in, but why can't Rocky be that smart? It seems he gets his ass kicked way too often. GOOD: Test. He's cool, even if CyanIndigo thinks he looks like a ferret. That top-of-the-cage elbow he hit last week (at a show I attended, may I remind you) was killer. Who would you rather see pushed? Val Venis or Test? Okay then. BAD: Stephanie claims to have regained all her memories. She says that she remembers everything, but how does she know if she remembers everything? She may not remember what she forgot. Or she may have forgotten to remember it.=20 BAD: I just confused myself. BAD: Why would Val make rude comments to Stephanie with Test standing mere feet away? Jesus. That's just not thinking. IRONIC: The King warning Stephanie off marrying Test. For those who don't know, The King is getting hitched with Miss Kitty, who incidentally is younger than Brian Christopher, The King's son. UH...WHAT? Stephanie proposes to Test? I thought that they were already engaged. Now what? BAD: X-Pac turned on Kane without any reason. I hate when they do that. You'd think that DX would welcome Kane as a member. Eh. I guess someone has to side against them at Survivor Series. UGLY: The chokeslam on X-Pac. Holy shit. The little guy bounced about a foot off the mat. BAD: Kurt Angle. Yeah, he can grapple pretty well, but I hate these Olympians who wear their old gold medals during interviews. I have an award for journalism from High School, you don't see me wearing it around my neck. GOOD: Shane versus HHH for the title. I guess that answers my question about the main event.=20 AWESOME: The replay of Test off the top of the cage. It was ten times more impressive in the arena. GOOD: Buh Buh Ray looking at the microphone when the Headbangers made fun of him. That expression was priceless. HOPE: Please, let the Dudleys get over the Headbangers tonight. BAD: The crowd chanting "Boring." Bad sign, WWF. CRAP: The Dudleys lose, again. GOOD: Having all of DX at ringside and sending out Stone Cold, Rocky, and Kane to keep the peace in the ring. It may be cheezy, but it does make the fans happy.=20 INTERESTING: Jim Ross says that he thinks that Hebner is in Vince's pocket during this match. "Shades of Survivor Series two years ago." Hmmm. GOOD: I like the way each member of DX gets involved and is systematically paired off with and taken out of the equation by each of Vinnie Mac's enforcers.=20 GOOD: And let's not forget that Shane takes a huge beating throughout the match. You gotta wonder why the kid bothers. He's got the keys to the kingdom. I give him shitloads of credit. Just piles of it. BAD: Vince hitting Shane with the title accidentally. That should not have been necessary for HHH to retain the title tonight. It seems awfully lame that HHH can't win without interference. Eh, I guess that's heel-ism for you. OVERALL: Not a bad show. Some decent matches overall, but it seems to be growing a bit staler every week. They need to get more midcarders elevated to main event status if they expect to compete with the huge roster of the WCW, especially since Russo and company are trying to beat WWF at their own game. Well, that's it for this week. Keep your powder and your pants dry. Questions, comments, albatross? Write me at michaelangelo70@hotmail.com. All letters will be answered or used to construct me a new tree house. I am Michaelangelo and will be for a while. Michaelangelo [slash] wrestling Mail the Author |
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