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/wrestling /guests /abyssmal |
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/wrestling /guests /abyssmal |
| Guest Columns | abyssmal |
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INTO THE ABYSS... Lilian Garcia RULES! It takes BALLS to argue with the boss! "But boss, Mankind covered all three of them." "Dammit bitch, the script calls for him to lose, and that's what he's going to do. CALL IT!" I love her, even if she does have a jawbone to slay Philistines with. (wow, that's obscure...) ECW Caught my first taste of ECW Friday and I was impressed. The action was great and the wrestlers look hungry and enthusiastic. But what impressed me the most were the fans. During the RVD/JL match, the crowd was loud and raucous. And they were smart! After a particularly well executed series of moves, the crowd would clap in appreciation. It must be a great place to wrestle where the crowds not only get into how big of bump you can take, but also how well you execute your moves. It's a nice change of pace from the Pavlovian dogs of the WWF and the Slurpee throwing rednecks of the WCW. Dawn Marie's breasts are nice, too. WWF How does Michael Cole rate getting sandwiched between two babes? What about me? Boy, I'd suck them into the abyss... Can the Rock carry the WWF until Austin gets back? If he doesn't have to do it alone, he can. Believe me, the Rock coming out four or five times a show shouting the same shit week end and week out will get old fast. I think the WWF is smart playing him off Mankind. The Rock works best when he's playing off a guy with good mic skills (Mankind, Jericho). I think now would be a good time for the WWF to start seeing how some of the younger talent can handle the limelight. X-Pac's not getting old on us, is he? The match with Taka wasn't as crisp as it should have been. And he wants to get back in with the big guys. Hey, I got an idea! If he wants to take on super-heavyweights, he can start with the Holly's! The Al Snow dog angle is getting old. It better end Thursday. Is Mr. Ass going to turn face? Why? He doesn't make a good solo heel, but I thought he was pretty cool with Chyna. I guess he doesn't fit in with the new "DX". I'm waiting for the Big Show to go totally nuts and annihilate the Undertaker, giving Mark some time off to heal and putting the Big Show over. Test must be a huge loser to have to ask the Stooges to be his best men. Miss Kitty has nice breasts, too. WCW Andre Agassi sure pounded the wee out of that guy, didn't he? Boy, I like tennis. Oh, you want wrestling? If you insist... Calling on my vast experience as a smart-ass, I'm going to start giving Uncle Eric some clues on how he can improve his product. I know he reads this. Sid ran in and destroys the first match, racking up two more "wins". Tony tells us we have to accept these wins because he's a fucking idiot. Clue #1: Eric, you lose credibility with your audience when your announcing team sounds like used car salesmen. If Heenan hates Hogan, it's OK for him not to have any respect for the Orange Freak. I have a hard time believing Shiovone has even heard of KISS, let alone they being his favorite band. Let them have an opinion. "Out with the Evolution, in with the Revolution" This reference is even more obscure then my Philistine line. I suppose you mean all the old guys are "dinosaurs"? And haven't evolved? Okaaaay... Clue #2: Try using some thought when coming up with your material. Like not using the first word that pops in your head when your looking for a word that rhymes with revolution. Like taking a fifteen year old tag line and making it "edgier" by adding the word ass to it. Am I going crazy or was the Hummer that plowed into Nash's limo black? I don't care what CRZ's picture says, I swear to God I think the fucking thing was black. And you're wrong. - CRZ During a heated argument about Hogan standing next to a white Hummer, DDP, for no fucking reason I can fathom, runs in and clocks Hogan. Clue #3: STOP BOOKING OUT OF YOUR ASS! It might have worked five years ago; it doesn't work now. Will it take the Westminister dog show kicking your ass in the ratings for you to see this?
I want to like WCW, really I do. |
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