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INTRODUCTION TO THE ABYSS
This is abyssmal with yet another diatribe about wrestling. As if you don't read enough of this drivel anyway. Before I start the hard-nosed, edge-of-your-seat commentary (i.e. pull shit out my ass) you will all come to know and love, I'll give y'all a
little look at how I see our beloved sport.
WWF
As is required of all Internet wrestling writers, I'm a WWF mark. Why should I give a shit about mediocre wrestling when I can enjoy riveting storylines and some of the best mic work in the business? I'm waiting for Kane to come out in neon green and I love it when Road Dogg gets his shiznit all up in my bi-yatch. I love puppies and the fact the Acolytes always look like
they would rather be at Taco Bell stuffing their faces with Gorditas rather then jobbing to Kane and
X-Pac... again. I can't wait
for the Rock to scintillate me with another electrifying promo. I think the push of Hardcore Holly
is nothing short of a minor miracle, "crazy" Al Snow is getting old, and the Big Bossman should retire,
because The Hardcore championship is the best he can expect. The only cool thing about Steve Blackman
is every time he comes to the ring he looks like he might accidentally kill somebody. (BTW, wouldn't Benoit fit this role better? He has the same intensity Blackman does, but wrestles better and has ever improving mic skills. Something for Vince to think about.)
Test is Diesel Lite. At SummerSlam, he's going to beat the crap out of Shane, only to have Stephanie turn on him. Test will then promptly join DX.
Notice how the promoters of the Big Two are willing to bump their asses off?
Makes sense, when you think about it.
HHH will win the title, giving Austin time to see his kids, do some TV, have lots of sloppy sex with Debra
and rest his sore knees. Besides, I think this is the time the WWF starts the de-pushing of Austin. It should take a couple years, by which time the
younger guys will be ready to take over.
And yes...
My name is abyssmal, and I'm a Jerichoholic.
Now watch the WWF fuck it up.
WCW
As is required of all Internet writers, I think WCW is run by the biggest bunch of idiots this side of the
NRA. Did you notice the pain in Hogan's face as he hobbled to the ring to make the "save"? Give the man a walker, for God's sake!
Scott Hall drove the Hummer. No, I don't have some inside source, and I'm pretty sure WCW doesn't
know either. From now on, if WCW has some sort of "mystery" man, my bet's on Scott Hall. Logical? Hell no. Get my point?
The Dead Pool? Raven and company are going to take bets on when WCW wrestlers kick the bucket?
OK, I'm in. I had La Parka last week, but the damn bag of popcorn was in the way.
Every night I say a silent prayer for Kevin Nash, hoping he gets his enthusiasm back, reforms the
Outsiders, comes back and DESTROYS all the old fucks. Then, being close to an old fuck himself,
he retires. Yes, I admit it. I'm a Nash mark.
Malenko has the charisma of a turnip. He should never leave any group he might find himself in. I don't think he can hack it on his own.
God, I miss Ric Flair.
A couple of weeks ago on Thunder!, I saw a sign that said, "I logged off Everquest for THIS?"
Exactly.
There's a taste. I'll be back at irregular intervals with shit that's more substantial. I hope.
abyssmal
freelance
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