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BEYOND THE SPANISH ANNOUNCE TABLE

To quote the great Ralph Wiggum, "Dear Ms Hoover, you have Lymes Disease, we miss you, Kevin's biting me, come back soon, love Ralph". This has been a crazy week, and I could think of only one quote to sum it all up. It was either that or an eminem lyric, and boy, the last thing I need is P.F.L.A.G on my back. No Way Out was a termite's snot rocket short of being truly amazing, Nitro fired back with a kick ass, top-notch show, and The King walked out and quit his job at the WWF. I also posed a question to the readers last week as to what they would change about wrestling, if they had the chance. We'll get to all that, plus my own thoughts on why the hell I cant for the life of me predict a PPV card, in due time. But there's some things I need to discuss first, and following this sentence is where you will more than likely find said comments.

Right, here I am. So the speculation at first was that the King situation was part of an angle. I think by now we can all realize this is all very real, and indeed happening. The thing I don't understand is why the FED would just fire Stacy. If there logic is correct in saying that she was a head case and other performers weren't happy with her, why then did they not speak with her? I seem to remember another headcase named Shawn Michael's, and to the best of my knowledge, they did not fire him. Now before you scroll down and click my e-mail link to tell me how stupid I am, let me explain. No, Stacy Carter is not as important as HBK, and she never would have been. But the FED had to know King would support her and follow her wherever she went. Thus, SHE is just as important as anyone is, because she has King in her corner. Vince is an asshole, that much is certain. And over the past months I have heard rumors of weeding King out of commentating over the next year or so. So why do it like this? Is Vince so worried about loosing money in the XFL that he decided to forgo spending the money and giving the King the great sendoff that he deserves? That's bullshit. I don't even like the King that much, but I'm sick as fuck of great talents having to burn their scrapbooks and any hopes of getting a retirement they deserve, because of screwjobs or stupid FED policy. Think of Hogan or Bret Hart, all of their heyday moments happened in a company that now does not even consider them as people. They're gone, dust, they never existed, and you pencil in another to that list. Pencil because maybe in that old, worn out, shit covered boot that Vince calls his heart, he will make an effort at reconciling this whole mess. I would love to see King throw his talents in the area of WCW, it would at least make things exiting again, but it wouldn't be right. King is a cornerstone of the WWF, and that is where he should be.

On the other channel, (What's on WCW?) Nitro put together a solid show and further proved that WRESTLING is what you should push. I, along with many others, am really enjoying Sean O'Haire's growth. He will be a main eventer someday. His facial expressions are unreal, and his ability is jaw dropping. Plus, I just like the fact that they're trying again. Effort is always good, even if millions of Internet smarks assume Nitro sucked because it's not the WWF. For the good of wrestling, I hope this Fusient deal goes through, it would mean great things for the biz, and for fans alike.

My PPV predictions were, at best, curdled milk. I picked RTC to win over the King and Kat, that much was right. Then I said after RTC won, The Kat would free the golden pops anyways, buy alas, she did not. So I was a half off.

I picked Edge and Christian to beat the Dud's and Old Man Walkin' with a Kane. I was again, wrong. But at least the Dud's retained, I don't think I could have stomached the latter. Edge and Christian will have their day again however, don't you fret. Until then I just hope they don't develop Non Alcoholic Canadian Beer dependence.

I predicted that the Trish/Steph match would end in DQ, which by all accounts should have. But no, Steph won, and that's how it was. I was very surprised though with the amount of moves and work they both put forth. It was fun to watch, and they seemed to actually know what they were doing, and that was way better than I expected.

I picked the Rock to win over Angle, but that was really a no-brainer. WM XVII was booked a long time ago; the only question was how they would get there.

And I am very happy to admit I was wrong in the SCSA/HHH match. WOW. I was convinced SCSA wouldn't job before WM. The party I was at erupted in screams when H got the last fall, and I was happier than the Selican after it found out it would be in a Volkswagen commercial. I became very over stimulated, as did my friend Adam, but we made it thanks to our trusty cowboy killers. Enough people have commented about this PPV, so I will not go into detail about what happened, or who did what moves, except to say that I was very happy and surprised with a few things, and that is not something I had been able to say in the last few months.

Now, last week I posed the question, "What would you change about wrestling if you had the chance". Here are a few of the letters I received.

The first letter if from Jon Radle, of powerbomb fame.

The subject heading in this e-mail was *Toniiiiiighhhtaaaaaaaaa in this very riiiiiiiiiingaaaaaaaaa* -- I guess he didn't think the letter *G* was good enough for his subject box. He writes:

"Well let me think...nope that didn't work. What would I change about wrestling? Well I attempted to figure out something current and cutting edge that would make me giggle with girlish glee about wrestling again. The more I thought about the WWF "super stars" the more I thought that this situation was hopeless. Then, in what most would call a stroke of genius, an idea came to me. Midgets. I'll pause until you stop laughing and/or sighing. Think about it though. A true staple of the sport since its infancy. Shit I watched Wrestlemania III the other day and I'll be damned if there weren't midgets in a match. I want to know who gave midgets the ax. Was it McMahon? Is it too much of a social faux paus? Bullshit. I bet midgets are pissed that they don't get on TV anymore. I would wager there aren't many things a midget can do outside of toilet bowl sitcoms ala "Shasta McNasty" these days. And lets face it...not all midgets are Vern Troyer I mean come on...he is sooooo funny oh my God. What of the truly buff "little ones" where do they fit in. The squared circle...that's where. Maybe I'm bored with the ho hum doldrums that has become your average WWF show. Maybe I think small people are getting the shaft every day. Maybe I always wanted to be an Oompa Loompa. Maybe in some horrible accident the "Big Slow" would eat one. Mostly I just want to see "Is that breaking glass, I think I smell an ass" overrun by a horde of rabid anklebiters...yep that's it. Because man if the bitch doesn't suck. I mean it that fool is the suckiest suck that ever sucked. Jesus. "

Keep in mind Jon wrote this before the Al Snow promo involving midget talk. I must say I agree. They add a whole new element to a match, and there's always the "Look how small that dude is!" aspect. I don't know Jon, this could be suicide for the PC minded people out there, but man, what's the last great thing that has come from being PC? No one calls me a 'Norwegian American'.

The next letter comes from Adam Johnson, he writes:

"in regards to the question you asked at the end of your column. I think that
you suck and need to get a life and quit worrying about wrestling and what
they should do. jk i don't necessarily think there should be fewer ppv's.
but the fed has built up so much hype about their last 2 ppv's and they
sucked. so, i think that they need to pull there heads outta theur asses and
maybe promote the ppv's a little less and focus on making raw and sm a
little more entertaing. lasts nights sm was quite possibly one of the worst
i have seen because there was to much talk, and not enough lita, oh I mean
wrestling, yah that's it wrestling, yah. so there's my feed back biatch.
also, go into to wcw a little more would ya. "

I can only hope that his angst and frustration were the cause of such severe spelling errors, but his point is well taken. If you're going to hype the life out of a PPV, you best deliver. My only point in saying that the big two should lower the number of PPV's is that the quality would be much higher. The buildup would be better, and they could deliver better because they would only have show maybe 6 times a year. As far as Lita is concerned, not even Sisqo could make me hate thongs. And yes, I will try to delve into WCW more, but it would help if a certain

'friend' of mine would give me free cable, so I wouldn't have to choose between the two.

The third letter comes to us from Jacen Seifer, titled, "There's something wrong in the world today", he writes:


What's up, 210.
I really enjoy your column and hope all the best for you. As to your question, I believe the most necessary, immediate change in the wrestling landscape is the fact that a large number of the performers have apparently decided that it's a waste of their time to "give it away", that is, put on a high quality match on the weekly shows. After watching NWO (that's kind of funny, if you think about it) last night, it became painfully obvious to me that The Magnificent Stallion (or Rock for the uninitiated) is a much more talented wrestler on the one night every four to six weeks that people shell out 30 dollars to see him. Look at the difference between his performance on Smackdown, long promo, mediocre match, as opposed to his performance on NWO (it really is funny) five second promo, high quality match. The same can be said to a lesser extent for SCSP (Stone Cold Steve Phallus), Undertaker (it is however, debatable if he ever has a good match anymore) and The Lame Slow. Would it be such a tragedy if everyone in the country got to see a good match every once in awhile. I'm not looking for four star classics twice a week, but to give a main event, with two (not six) main eventers, that lasts for more that eight minutes on an average of every fourth show would really be something. Look at it this way, you're sitting down on a Thursday evening with a near beer and some low fat snackwells and the frosty jackass comes on and says the Mag Stal and SCSP are going to do battle tonight. Waiting for the other shoe to drop? Me too. The Mag Stal or Phallus or both will be beaten bloody by Triple H or that waste of my time Asschiki for no particular reason other than that you won't get to see a quality match tonight. So dive into those snackwells people, because depressing shit makes you eat (or so said Tori Spelling when she was on 90210) and the quality of the weekly shows is depressing shit. We'll all get fat and be too broke to buy PPVs and then they'll have to start giving it away to get those PPV revenues back. So to sum up, we're to blame, because we're not spending enough money on food. Damn. Go Wild (Minnesota Wild that is)!
Jacen Seifer
p.s. NWO, like Hogan and Nash and... forget it.

Wise comments. I have often spoken of extreme disgust with wrestlers holding back till PPV night. It's just stupid. You ask the Rock five years ago why he's in this business and he says, dollars to donuts, its for the fans, to hear the crowd pop or boo, to get a standing ovation for a great match. Now he could probably care less, as long as he's booked in three movies, and is making his CD's. But hey, people continue to buy his shirts, CD's and Bull Foam hands, so he must be doing something right. (Note to self: START SPEAKING IN THIRD PERSON AND BE A JACKASS) We'll see if it pays off.

I thank you for your comments, and please keep them coming. Jengebreth@hotmail.com

I will be back next week to spew forth more wicked quips, so until then- Remember, mall security guards aren't trained all that well, so go have some fun ya damm kids.

                                                     I love you America-

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