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BLAH

BEYOND THE SPANISH ANNOUNCE TABLE

Vulgar words have been uttered by my mouth too many times this week. It makes me feel like a little boy who is very happy about getting a new puppy for his birthday, but really wishes it had all four legs and didn't insist on smelling my father's crotch. You see, the way things are going right now, I can't complain. But there are subtle things that make everything just not right. Case in point, stipulations.

This latest 'zero tolerance' policy is the latest in a long line of stips that the FED use's to make us wait. It would be OK with me, if for once in a Kenyan moon, they would pay off. Really, when was the last time someone broke their said policy and received their punishment? Would it be bad for the business if HHH took six months off? Could you imagine the reaction he would get when he came back? Of course you cant, because it would only serve to get your fantasy booking minds to start mapping out storylines. Stipulations serve one purpose, to waste our time. No one ever breaks, so basically the WWF is saying, "We don't want you to get this for free in any form, but well tease about it constantly, for at least 45% of the show" The annoyingly annoying part of this deal is that they had the exact same stip last month. So what, after their match at No Way Out, which by the way, will NOT pay off, are they going to impose another zero tolerance policy until WM VII? I'm sick of the 'carrot in front' attitude of Vince. I'm sick of waiting and waiting and waiting until finally the PPV happens, and then still getting no answer. Let's see HHH nail SCSA. Let's see him go out in a blaze of glory, not to be heard of for six months. If there is one guy who deserves a break, its Mick Foley, but if there's a second guy, it's most definitely HHH. And I'm sure Austin and HHH just love to be forced to do the "I'm angry ass hell and I'm gonna look at you real hard for 20 seconds!" shtick every week. Yea, that must be real fun.

Another thing that cracks my lobster is the Angle/HHH soap opera of just a few months back. As much as I hate to say it, it was one of the most intriguing storylines I've ever witnessed. It was going so well, lots of run-ins, lots of lockeroom beatdowns, and lots of attention. And of course Steph was going to screw HHH soon, right? It was just over the hill, and had been teased at so many PPV's. It was going to be great, Steph screws HHH, HHH turns face, and it's a whole new ball game. But no, instead of paying off the biggest story of the year, the fed swaps HHH into the mastermind of SCSA's hit and run, and they forget about the prior. Sure, it makes sense that the biggest heel should be the one responsible to the hit, but that does not mean you have to rip apart one storyline to start another one. A wise man once asked what the TV show Friends would be like if they took Vince Russo's shoot syle of writing. And it made no sense because reality based storylines just don't work unless there very well planned and thought out, which, by definition, makes them themselves, a storyline. So what if. Let's take Chandler and Monica. Say the NBC kept hinting that Mon was hitting it on the side with Joey. Chandler had become suspicious, and the whole show was revolving around it, every week. Ratings were up, and people couldn't wait to see what happened. Then, right when people were actually organizing group parties to watch the show, Chandler gets fired from his job and goes back to college to become a gynecologist. Monica and he are happy as ever and Joey is starting a new role in a movie. And the story moves on. People would freak out. Granted, Friends fans are a bit over stimulated as it is, but the answer is clear. You just shouldn't do that to people.

I don't yell at my TV very often. In fact, I usually become quite worried about my mental health in these cases. But when the WWF takes me out to dinner, brings me roses, serves me wine, walks me on the beach, and whispers sweet nothings into my ear, I expect to get a little action. And I'm sick of having to yell; "I'M JUST WASHING MY HANDS! I'LL BE OUT IN A MINUTE!" everytime this happens.

Now, it wouldn't be fair of me to go about, bashing and berating, without stroking some things. This week I was pleasantly surprised to see a lot less XFL and a lot more WWF. I'll take JR calling the Rock a Magnificent Stallion any day over outside ventures. It really makes sense. Why would you promote something that you desperately want people to believe is real, on a pro wrestling show. You can be safe to believe that everything you hear on RAW or Nitro is part of a storyline, and people know this. So when you push a football league on said show, why wouldn't the critics think its all going to be scripted? It just makes sense, and you can't blame them. If Vince gets angry about poor reporter commentary, it's his own fault. They should have aired a few commercials for it, but never have spoken a single word during their sports entertainment.

Now, as I said last week, the WWF is stocked with great talent. Mainly because they use their people wisely, yes, even Tazz. What I don't understand is why they have even one single 'moments ago' or 'earlier in the program'. With the talent they have, they should be having 10+ minutes matches straight through with their promos. Its amazing to me, that even though they could produce PPV quality shows everyweek without so much as picking their nose, they continue to give most of the show to 2 or maybe 3 storylines. WCW, who under-use's, and miss use's talent, has been having better matches lately. That may have something to do with the resurgence of the Cruiserweight division, but its not just that. If you notice, WCW has been matching up people differently every night, and letting the wrestle. Not for 2 minutes until the run in comes, but for a solid block of time. You just can't get anything going style wise or storywise when you have to hurry up your match. Vince and Eric have made things much more exiting in the last five years for us, I'll give them that, but isen't their a way to mix sports entertainment with old fashioned wrestling and still have it be great? Yes, there is, so stop screwing with the fans and give us what we deserve. We pay your bills, we fill your arenas, we wear your shirts and we buy your stupid entrance music CD's. All we want is more wrestling and less 'we know you just saw this twice before the commercial, but were going to show it to you 3 more times now, because we've got nothing better to do'.

Again, I pray that WCW gets healthy and on its feet again. They're getting there, but it's going to be a lot of work. Because if they do, the sky's the limit. Two healthy promotions force promoters to give it away. Two healthy promotions means that the bar gets pushed and fans can's stop thinking about how exited they are to watch the next show. Watching competitive shows means that each one has to fight, tooth and nail for your remote control, and I miss that. Right now, it makes no difference to me what I'm watching. Its not like anything Earth shattering is going to happen. I would shave my butt, paint it yellow, and tattoo the lyrics to WKRP in Cinncinattii to my chest of it meant that these two companies would get a little nervous about each other and start working again. Well, I guess I would still do the WKRP thing, cause you know that would get the chicks!

(sigh)

I thank you for your time. And until next week-Never buy hard-boiled eggs in a truck stop convenience store, this can only lead to terrible terrible terribleness. And I await your feedback at jengebreth@hotmail.com

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